Currently displayed on the neighborhood ELCA church sign:
GARDEN FOR GOD: LETTUCE BE KIND AND SQUASH GOSSIP
Isn't that exactly the sort of message that, when you glimpse it as you drive past, makes you want to join the church? No? Hmmm. I wonder why not. Maybe it's because you're basically a Papist at heart, and are therefore inclined to heed the warning of Alexander Pope: "He that would pun, would pick a pocket." And in today's economy, no one wants his pockets to spring a leek.