Friday, May 15, 2009

Systematic Tackiness

This week the neighborhood ELCA church sign boasts another tacky message:


All right, guys. Let's get it all out of our system:

Onion virgin mother lies the shadow of the Holy Spirit. Radish shoes spring from this picture, enough to keep the youth group arguing for weeks. Carrot teen members is, after all, a main focus of our church. Rutabaga firecrackers you mistakenly left in the youth room? No problem. Celery diculous number of religious knicknacks and we can send them to an expensive Christian summer camp.

Pumpkin for information about what their youth group has been doing. Kale tomato the youth director to let her know what you find. She's making a list of ideas that can't be beet. Endiving into these activities, one by one, our youth will pea come experienced in living the faith. The way of the cress will grow sorrel to them that they won't remember where they've bean.

Lentil be a good time to begin our youth group's renewal, shallot not? Spinach artichoke-related deaths to drive home the fragility of life. Cucumber land gap folk music to set the mood. Emphasize that one should always cauliflower a flower, whether or not it's a rose by another name. To mortify their flesh, parsnip their mini-golf scores and let garlic their toes during their fishing trip.

But first, give each dude and chicory minder of the rules. Okra minders, if necessary. We appreciate their church spirit, but the neighbors don't care to have their day started off by a bell pepper. Find out who broccoli and Lena's picture window before you let them play baseball on the church lawn. And remind them to be careful around the portrait of our founding deacon, Gus Sorenson, because we haven't got asparagus. In all situations, they are to remember that they serve the great Aye Yam.

Whew! That should about do it, wouldn't you think? I doubt this will stop the taste-related rain of t'error from the church in question, but I trusta you avocado my drift, atta least, eh?

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