Today's Dream

This morning, just before I awoke, I had a weird dream that, in retrospect, makes me feel a bit like I can understand Beethoven's deal. I was responsible for playing the organ for a big, important worship service, but the organ console was apparently sequestered in some kind of soundproof booth and I couldn't hear a note of the music I was playing, or the singing of the crowd accompanied by it. Also to my disadvantage, the sheet music I was given had only the melody I was supposed to play, and I had to improvise the harmony on the spot. I had to make do with hearing what I was playing in my mind's ear. It should have been a mortifying dream. Embarrassing or frustrating, maybe. But other than the impression that I was being judged by some highly critical VIPs, I didn't feel like I was doing too badly. And the hymn tune I was hearing in my mind's ear at the moment I awoke was REX GLORIAE, by Henry Smart, a.k.a. "See, the Conqueror mounts in triumph."

It's not all that far-fetched a dream. I've played the organ at two different churches where the acoustics of the joint conspired with the location of the organ console so that I couldn't get a real-time impression of how loud I was playing. People complained that I was playing too loud and it gave them a headache. In one of those situations, the acoustics were so bad, and the console was in a recessed alcove below and behind the speakers that were aimed out at the nave, that during postludes when people were standing up and talking at the tops of their voices, I couldn't hear a note of what I was playing. You really need auditory feedback to do the job properly, as I stressed when the latter congregation installed a new organ – making sure they put the console up at the front of the church this time.

As for hearing the music in one's head ... well, that's how Beethoven did it, isn't it? And it's not all that exceptional. I've spent hours at the wheel of my car, driving from one state to another, unable to stop my mind from turning over voice-leading problems in my head. Chord progressions that I could both see and hear in my mind, as if reading from sheet music. I felt like it was driving me insane. It gave me an insight into the conditions under which a musically inclined person might feel they just have to compose music. It pours out of one, sometimes.