Fuze

Earlier this weekend, I drove a two-hour round trip – not in the usual direction – to see one of only two movies playing in my wider area that I was interested in seeing. It was a matter of timing whether I chose Over My Dead Body, a black comedy-action movie about a married couple trying to kill each other, or Fuze. Because I wanted to drive home in daylight, and OMDB's only matinee showing started too soon after I knocked off work on Friday, I ended up seeing Fuze.

It's not a coincidence that Fuze, besides being the title of this movie, is the British spelling of the part of a bomb that Wile E. Coyote lights before running for cover. You know, what we in the U.S. spell f-u-s-e. According to a screen card at the end of the film, it's also supposedly a charity that disarms bombs, but I can find no evidence that this is a real thing. In this movie, Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Anna Karenina, The Fall Guy) plays a U.K. Army major who heads a bomb disposal unit that gets called in when a construction dig in London unearths what appears to be an unexploded World War II bomb. Before his team can begin trying to disarm it, a whole square mile of London has to be evacuated – except for a gang of crooks who, right on cue – I mean that, as if they've been expecting an unexploded bomb to force the evacuation that day – seize the opportunity to drill a hole in the wall of a bank vault. The crooks include, no surprise, some shady characters, played by Sam Worthington (Avatar, Terminator Salvation) and Theo James (Divergent, The Time Traveler's Wife) among others, who get away by the skin of their teeth and then immediately turn on each other, all while one of the Army major's underlings plants an official seed of doubt about the bomb actually being of WW2 origin.

Double crosses, brutal violence, fast-moving police work and even faster-moving crooks escaping form the tissue of this movie, with characters switching which side they're are on (like, good or evil) in a manner that I guess was meant to be surprising or keep you guessing but that I saw coming from high orbit. I actually groaned to myself: "Don't tell me this guy is ... " But let's not spoil it for those of you who want to guess for yourselves. The only real surprise that kept me on the edge of my seat was whether the criminal masterminds were going to get away, and get rich. Your suspense is whether it's the kind of story where the crooks end up dead, or in handcuffs, or maybe getting away with their skin mostly intact but losing all the loot, or is there a "happy ending" for the bad guys and are we supposed to (cough) "stop your crying, it's a sign of the times" (sorry, Project Hail Mary) or will the movie actually try to sell us a reason to sympathize with them? Like, are the villains villains or not? Or are just some of them villains?

I'd like to say the movie settles these questions in a satisfying manner. However, what I walked away with, or rather drove away with (super conscious of what a long drive it was), was thoughts like, "What was the point of (spoiler redacted) doing such-and-so when he could have saved him having his hand smashed with a pipe wrench, or being shoved into the trunk of a car, or having a plastic bag pulled down over his head," etc., etc. – decisions that led to betrayals and vendettas and imminent danger of death and, for some characters, actual death, all of which (spoiler redacted) could have spared himself without costing him anything. But oh, well, it made the second half of the movie exciting and the pacing was such that you really had to be jaded with fast-paced excitement to even think these thoughts. But I thought them. And it took me out of the story, I'm sad to say. Also, the movie's narrative structure kind of falls apart at the end, explaining all the stuff that it couldn't explain to you earlier without spoiling its own surprises in a "10 years ago" epilogue, which in my opinion is a sign that the writer(s) didn't properly think the thing through.

There were, however, sufficient things that made the movie for me to enumerate three: (1) Aaron Taylor-Johnson's alpha-stud hunkiness, which actually hits a stratospheric level in the scene where he reprimands his too-curious-for-comfort underling for taking unacceptable risks. You see in his eyes a combination of tender concern for a pipsqueak who's really, objectively, a pain in the ass, along with a tortured remnant of some past trauma about which the characters who know him have been dropping whispered hints. You know how it goes. He made a mistake in Afghanistan and some people died – his people. The writing is obvious, indeed hackneyed, but ATJ's acting is legit. (2) Gugu Mbatha-Raw, playing a police superintendent, being so good at her job that it would be astonishing if the crooks got away with it, which I won't say whether they did or not. (3) Those end-of-the-movie titles, one of which delivers really disappointing tidings of what one of the main characters did with himself later on ... then goes, "Just kidding." Whew! An honorary mention: The army bomb disposal squad's alternative to saying "break a leg," which sounds grossly insubordinate when that pipsqueak corporal says it to his immediate superior. I guess when your job is disabling high explosives, you can do without words of encouragement like "Do your best" or "Good luck" but ... "Don't be shit"? Really?

Catechesis Warm-Up Songs, Part 6

The sixth and final "chief part" of Luther's Small Catechism addresses the Sacrament of the Altar, a.k.a. the Lord's Supper, a.k.a. the Eucharist, a.k.a. Holy Communion, a.k.a. The Mass. Luther's question-and-answer structure divides nicely into four units, which doesn't necessarily mean it will take that many classroom sessions to cover it, but I'm providing a hymn for each of the four anyway. It's a weighty subject, worthy of considerable meditation. So here are some songs that I hope will help prepare young minds for such a meditation. ART: The Last Supper by Jaume Huguet, 1470, public domain.

587. What Is the Sacrament?
Tune: ARFON, Welsh
(cf. "Chief of sinners though I be" and "What our Father does is well" in Australia's Lutheran Hymnal)

Cup of blessing which we bless,
Bread that harbors righteousness,
Be for me the highest good:
Jesus' body, Jesus' blood
Sacrificed, now seal to me
God's forgiveness, full and free!

Reason finds it grossly strange
That Christ would such meal arrange,
Giving that to eat and drink
From which dainty minds must shrink:
His true body, His true blood,
In and under earthly food!

But His word cannot be torn.
His Passover vow is sworn:
Holy flesh bared to the bone,
Veins laid open to atone.
Would you see your debts erased?
Hear His promise; open, taste!

God spoke on that festal night,
Pledging pardon and delight
In the bread that harbors love,
Vintage drawn from heav'n above:
God's own body, God's own blood,
Served in perfect servanthood.

588. What Does the Sacrament Do?
Tune: HERR JESU CHRIST, MEINS LEBENS LICHT, Leipzig, 1625
(cf. "Lord Jesus Christ, my Life, my Light")

O Flesh that purified the flails
Which tore You, Hands that blessed the nails
Which pierced You through, stretch out to me:
Your healing touch shall set me free.

Probe deep in me, corrupt and sore;
Uncleanness can abide no more.
With blood that seasoned vulgar wood,
Make white my stains, my foulness good.

Come, not to heart and soul alone,
But even to my flesh and bone:
My mouth with Your atonement feed,
That all my members may be freed.

And if I thus am reckoned pure,
I may count my redemption sure:
For where God's peace and pardon dwell,
Life and salvation camp as well.

589. How Does the Sacrament Do This?
Tune: O JESU CHRISTE, WAHRES LICHT, Nürnberg, 1676
(cf. "O Christ, our true and only Light")

Ask you how can it all be true
That our Lord's Supper claims to do?
Only keep Jesus' words in view:
"Given and shed to ransom you."

Strange things God says, let none deny:
Yet not one error, not one lie.
His word turns none and naught to yes
And reckons faith as righteousness.

Knowing that Christ does not deceive,
What He declares therefore believe,
And for His sacrifice's sake
Of His last testament partake.

Partake, believing, and obtain
That which no pow'r of yours can gain:
Forgiveness, drenched in offered blood;
God's very body, giv'n as food.

Then with that bread and in that cup,
A blessed fellowship you sup:
Communion with the saints above,
United in the Savior's love.

590. Who Receives the Sacrament Worthily?
Tune: MERTON by William H. Monk, 1861
(cf. "Hark! a thrilling voice is sounding")

Fasting, outward exercises,
And such discipline are fine:
Yet belief alone comprises
Worthiness with Christ to dine.

Some, who have His pledge forsaken
And His presence here denied,
Still have of this feast partaken
And eternally have died.

Christ is present, irrespective
Of what those who sup believe;
For His promise is effective:
What He pledges, we receive.

But the benefit is given
To the eater who perceives
In this bread the King of heaven,
Hung between two earthy thieves.

Yea, the cup of joy is ladled
From the blood He spilled for all,
When the Bridegroom's head was cradled
In a myrrh-anointed pall.

To His testament's believer
All things broken are made whole,
Faith alone the blest receiver
Of His promised PAID IN FULL.

Let us then with care and pleasure
Eat and drink what Christ declared,
That we may enjoy the treasure
That His kindness has prepared.

Catechesis Warm-Up Songs, Part 5

Part 5 of Luther's Small Catechism, at least the version used in my corner of Lutheranism for instruction in the faith, has to do with the Office of the Keys (the power to forgive and retain sins) and confession and absolution. So, as these two hymns emphasize, Christ at work through means, through men to whom He has delegated such wonderful authority, and sinners finding comfort for their burdened consciences. Basically, the nitty gritty of the gospel as Lutheranism faithfully teaches and confesses it. ART: Christ giving the Keys of Heaven by Peter Paul Rubens (†1640), public domain.

585. The Office of the Keys
Tune: TALLIS' CANON by Thomas Tallis, 1565
(cf. "All praise to Thee, my God, this night")

Christ gave the Office of the Keys
To set tormented souls at ease,
And flouters of the Law to spurn
Till in repentance they return.

We thank You, Lord, for calling men
To loose our sins; for surely when
They pardon us, we may believe
That Your forgiveness we receive.

Just so, we praise Your holy mind
That binds as well the sins they bind:
For he who on his own strength leans
Should fear indeed Your earthly means.

Through such means, Lord, toward us You reach:
Through hands that serve, through mouths that teach;
Therefore Your gifts, our Savior dear,
And You Yourself are always near.

586. Confession and Absolution
Tune: EVAN by William Henry Havergal, 1846
(cf. "Oh, that the Lord would guide my ways")

Cast off, O Lord, my heavy pall,
Sin's agonizing weight!
Oh, come, my Hope, my Life, my All:
Your pardon I await.

Unto Your servant I confess
The sins I know and feel;
Whate'er remains, let grace address,
Though it be dire and real.

And when he speaks the freeing word
My wounded conscience craves,
Help me believe what I have heard:
Your word that heals and saves.

Catechesis Warm-Up Songs, Part 4

The fourth chief part of Luther's Small Catechism, the Sacrament of Holy Baptism, is divided into four units. Here's a warm-up song for a class session on each unit. I don't know if this part of the instruction course will necessarily require four sessions, but I'm just going with how Luther structured the material. Use or skip whichever ones you like, if any. ART: 12th century baptismal font in Väte Church, Gotland, Sweden. Photo by Helen Simonsson licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.

581. What Is Baptism?
Tune: ALLE JAHRE WIEDER by Johann C.H. Rinck, 1827
(“As each happy Christmas“)

Praise the Lord, who sought me
When I was astray,
And in truth begot me
In a wondrous way!

I was in baptism
Reborn from above.
God has healed the schism
’Twixt me and His love.

Scripture, never lying,
States what here occurred:
His own hand applying
Water and the word.

Water and the Spirit,
Put another way,
Soaks me in Christ’s merit,
Puts my sin away.

Ah! What joy, what pleasure
God’s dear child to be!
Praise Him, who such treasure
Freely gives to me!

582. What Does Baptism Do?
Tune: SAELIR ERU TRÚADIR, Bohemian, 15th cent.
(“And then the Savior turned“)

Christ blessed us as He bled,
With pardon sighing;
He bowed His blameless head,
For sinners dying.

Now is death’s curtain torn,
New life unveiling.
The risen Christ has sworn,
His truth unfailing:

The baptized He will save;
Be then believing,
Despite the yawning grave
This hope receiving!

For what He says is true;
His word has power,
From when He washes you
Till your last hour.

Sin, hell and Satan quail;
Death shrinks before Him.
For Jesus does not fail;
Let all adore Him!

583. How Does Baptism Do This?
Tune: WIR HATTEN GEBAUET, German folksong, 1823
(“When Christmas morn is dawning“)

O Jesus, You submitted
To baptism here on earth,
Who had no sin committed,
No guilty ache to nurse.
Thus baptism You have fitted
With pardon and rebirth.

Bare water is invested
With Your almighty Word;
The Spirit, who once rested
Upon the deep, has stirred
A living faith, attested
By promise poured and heard.

Your washing recreates us,
The old makes fresh and new.
God’s Breath regenerates us;
The Father’s voice speaks true:
As heirs He designates us,
As dear to Him as You.

Your grace thereby is giving
A gift beyond compare:
All we have done forgiving,
New tasks You now prepare.
We shall not die but, living,
The works of God declare.

584. What Does Baptism Signify?
Tune: ST. DENIO, Welsh
(“Immortal, invisible, God only wise“)

How blessèd a rest, shared by all the baptized,
United in death, yea, and buried with Christ!
From sin we are freed, our indictment erased,
At peace with our God, in His bosom embraced.

What life now proceeds, only Jesus has seen:
It will be like His, as our death too has been.
In pleasing perfume and pure garments arrayed,
We walk in His light, on His promises stayed.

And now to the Father, and now to the Son,
And now to the Spirit, from all ages One,
The all-wise, all-powerful Ancient of Days,
Now and to all ages be glory and praise.

The Faraway Inn

The Faraway Inn
by Sarah Beth Durst
Recommended Ages: 14+

Calisa needs to get away from New York for the summer after her junior year in high school. She just caught her boyfriend cheating on her, and lying to her, and she needs time away from anything that reminds her of him. Nursing her heartbreak, she travels to her great aunt's bed and breakfast in the Vermont woods, only to be told she can't stay. Auntie Zee, whom she hasn't seen since she was a little girl, is pretty brusque about it. And the place looks like it's about to fall down.

Fighting back against being sent straight home, Calisa makes herself useful. She cooks. She cleans. She helps the groundskeeper's son, an unnervingly cute boy named Jack, about whom the least thought the better because a rebound relationship totally isn't what she needs right now. And little by little, the place starts looking better, and the handful of eccentric guests seem a bit happier, and Auntie Zee says less and less about sending Calisa back home. And also, Calisa starts noticing weird things going on around the place. Weird things like, maybe, magic. Magic like, maybe, doorways doing double duty – closets one day, portals to another dimension the next. By the time she cottons to the lizard who imprints on her actually being a dragon, and the front hallway having both a magic mirror and a magic teapot in it, and the guests including a dryad, a wizard and a sea witch, Calisa is perilously close to discovering why the Faraway Inn is failing and what she can do – has to do – if it's going to continue being a refuge, an excape, that people from all kinds of strange places really need.

I've read a few of Sarah Beth Durst's many books, including one of her cozy fantasies, The Spellshop. And I've dipped my toe into the cozy fantasy genre just often enough to pick up on one of its persistent themes, as sure to show up as octopus imagery in steampunk: representation for alternative identities and family structures that rule this cultural moment. I feel I owe it to faith-oriented families who are concerned about what the character of the material they share with their children to send up a mild Adult Content Advisory about it. But it's mild, perhaps because this is Durst's first foray into YA cozy fantasy, which (in her afterword) she designed around the idea that teens, too, sometimes need a safe place to escape to. Also mild, but worth mentioning, is an Occult Content Advisory because, well, Calisa and her auntie are witches and there is some magic in the book, albeit of the "only in a fantasy novel" variety.

The only other advisory I want to post here is "You may feel like you've been here before." I mean, if the idea of a B&B being a nexus of interdimensional portals gives you a sense of déjà vu, it's true that I've also reviewed Clete Barrett Smith's "Intergalactic Bed & Breakfast" trilogy and Cerberus Jones' "The Gateway" series, which are based on closely adjacent concepts, though skewing a bit more toward science fiction. When Calisa walks through a portal, though, she isn't traveling to a different planet; just a different "realm," whatever that means. Also, the kids in this kids' book are a bit older – old enough to have a romance brewing between them that could be fun to read about, if you're a kid of a certain age and aren't grossed out by kissy stuff. It's a warm, comforting, kind book with no dramatic stakes beyond whether some people will end up happy. And it has a point-of-view character who makes jaw-dropping discoveries, not only about what's going on around her, but about the power within herself.

Sarah Beth Durst's other titles include The Girl Who Could Not Dream, The Shelterlings, Spy Ring and The Warbler, as well as going-on-three sequels to The Spellshop including one, due out next year, called The Magical Cheese Emporium. Even if there's no other incentive to catch up on my reading, a title like that ought to do it.

You, Me & and Tuscany

I've been skipping the movies for a couple of weeks because nothing new has been showing that I was even slightly tempted to see. How fondly I remember an era when that almost never happened. But here we are. I finally bowed under the weight of needing to do something with my evening and took an hour-and-a-half round trip just to see this movie. And wouldn't you know it, it's exactly the plot of a Hallmark Channel movie of the week, the kind I used to watch every weekend with my parents before they moved to another state. (Boo. However, they took me out for lunch last week while passing through the area, so I forgive them.)

OK, it's maybe a little spicier than most Hallmark movies. Nia Vardalos of My Big Fat Greek Wedding drops an F-bomb in practically the first scene. The male lead, the Zimbabwean stud from Bridgerton, playing a London-educated Italian vineyard owner, gets heckled by the horny women in a passing tour bus who (in a closing credits outtake reel) are allowed to riff at off-color length. The hero girl Anna, played by Halle (Bailey, not Berry) of the girl band Halle & Chloe, actually plans on sleeping with the nice Italian guy she meets in an NYC hotel bar, but luckily for Hallmark fans' moral sensibilities she comes back from freshening herself up in the bathroom to find him passed out from jet lag on the bed. The misunderstandings that spiral out of control, until a pair of lovers' hearts are in jeopardy, actually start with Anna knowingly and deliberately committing burglary. She's no flower of innocence. But all in all, it still has that wholesome, "isn't it funny how love happens sometimes" thing going for it that you almost only see on cable TV anymore. And here it is, playing in movie theaters!

Let's back up to the beginning. Anna was studying to be a chef until her mom, also a chef, got sick and died. Now she doesn't know what to do with herself, except she doesn't want to cook. After getting fired (for good reason) from a housesitting gig, she runs for help to her friend, who works in a hotel, and who can only help her as far as comping her a drink in the hotel bar. While she's maxing her credit cards out ordering a burger, she meets an Italian dude, Matteo, who tells her all about the family he's running away from in Tuscany, and the restaurant he didn't want to take over from his dad, and the villa he owns but can't stand the sight of, and after the jet lag thing happens, she thinks, "Hey, I have an open ticket to Tuscany that my mom bought me as a graduation gift. I should go!" And predictably, she ends up staying in Matteo's villa. Also predictably, Matteo's momma and nonna catch her there, but luckily she was just trying on the engagement ring she found in a desk drawer and they put two and two together and, faced with the alternative of being arrested, she lets them think she and Matteo are getting married. The whole family gets swept up in the deception, including the cousin/adoptive brother, Michael – the vineyard owner whose eight-pack becomes a highlight of a passing bus tour, and with whom Anna starts to feel a real, mutual attraction just when Matteo sweeps into town. And of course, as soon as he sees how happy Anna's deception has made his family, he joins right in. Only he's not into her, she's not into him and things between Matteo and Michael go from bad to worse ... right up to the Hallmark Channel patent formula, 15-minutes-before-the-end crisis when all becomes clear except whether the true lovers will find true love.

So, there are no surprises. And in addition to all the hallmarks of Hallmark, there's also the fact that we (meaning I) just saw Solo Mio a minute ago, also featuring an American who stumbles upon romance in the Italian countryside, right down to a scene with a race in the streets of a small town (men rolling wine barrels in this case, horses in the other). And while Andrea Bocelli doesn't appear in this movie, as himself or anyone else, there is a guy who wakes Anna up every morning, all cockerel like, singing "Brindisi" from La Traviata. (Funnily enough, the song is much more forgiving of Giuseppe the groundskeeper's amateur voice than Nessun dorma as sung by Kevin James.) Also, of course, there are vineyards in both movies. Where this movie actually tops Kevin James' opus is in the space it gives the members of the love interest's Italian family to develop as distinct characters, portrayed with such affection that you care about them and believe that Anna would come to do so as well. Instead of flooding the cast with American tourists (again, like the James film) whose personality quirks upstage the Italian cyphers, this movie actually fills the screen with these small-town folks and creates a sense of home and warmth and emotional stakes that an audience (gasp, even in the U.S.) can really feel.

So, in spite of all I've said about this being a cable TV movie stretched onto the big screen, it is for sure a better movie than Solo Mio. It made me feel good. And I'm happy to present the Three Scenes That Made It For Me: (1) Whatever scene Lorenzo, the cab driver, is in. Anna doesn't take his advice (to tell everyone the truth from the start), but he is delighted with how "romantic" her way of handling the situation is, and that makes his appearances throughout the movie charming, funny and strategically mood lightening. (2) The scenes where Anna cooks, whether it's tomato toast for one (or two) in Matteo's villa or the special of the day on the last day of the summer festival in the family's restaurant. I want to eat all of that food. (3) Of course, the knock-down fight between Matteo and Michael, when the truth finally has to come out because two brothers are about to kill each other over a romantic rivalry that doesn't really exist. It's the kind of thing they write operas about.

Old Spice

OFFICIAL: Who's next?

DUDE: That'll be me.

OFFICIAL: What can I help you with?

(DUDE unzips what appears to be a shaving kit and starts pulling out various spice jars and lining them up on the counter)

DUDE: I'd like to register these spices to vote.

OFFICIAL: You what? Surely you're not serious.

DUDE: Ain't I? I'm actually kind of ashamed I didn't get around to this in time for the last election cycle.

OFFICIAL: But how could you dream that this could be legal?

DUDE: If it's about the age requirement, they're old enough for sure. My goodness, I've had this jar of marjoram since the George W. Bush administration. And I'm pretty sure I inherited this canister of chili powder from my grandma.

OFFICIAL: I see. Well, there's a problem with that. You have to be a person to vote.

DUDE: Oh, these guys have personality all right. Terragon here is such a card! And oh, my goodness, cayenne is opinionated.

OFFICIAL: I mean a human person.

DUDE: So, like, Soylent Green is good enough, but not an honest fella from Indonesia like, say, nutmeg here? That smacks of racism if you ask me.

OFFICIAL: Now wait a minute, you can't just throw around accusations like that.

DUDE: Why not? What's wrong with being brown? Or green? Or ... what is this color, exactly? And it's not as if they still hold the flavor of their homeland, after all this time. They're quite assimilated.

OFFICIAL: It's a matter of citizenship. Being able to make a useful contribution to society, and all that.

DUDE: Useful? You want useful? These guys give flavor to life. They're the only reason I can choke down the cheap rubbish I can afford to bring home from the market. Also, I'm pretty sure turmeric is an over-the-counter medicine these days.

OFFICIAL: (squinting at the date on a jar of paprika) But look here, this stuff is expired.

DUDE: That hasn't stopped plenty of voters from getting registered!