Steal This Soup

Earlier this week, my boss's wife bestowed on me a huge bowl of the most delicious bean soup I have encountered in recent memory. She said she was trying to clear the leftovers out of her fridge. Now while I would like to compliment her on the soup's yumminess, I can't. For, she explained, the actual chef who concocted it was none other than a local Lutheran pastor, car mechanic, building contractor, heroic bass singer, jack of all trades, and all-around man's man named Fritz... you may know who I mean. But did you know he is also a mean cook?

With the saliva still flowing in my mouth, I emailed Fritz and demanded a recipe. Here it is, folks--with the caveat that it's a complex and continually changing recipe, subject to what ingredients happen to be handy or not and one's own ephemeral tastes and cravings.

Cover 4 lbs. of northern beans with 7 quarts of water and simmer for 2 hours before you add anything else.

Afterward you can add a ham bone, 6 cups cut-up ham meat or pulled pork, 6 cups diced potatoes, 3 cups diced carrots (=1 bag of baby carrots), 2½ to 3 cups celery (=6 stalks), 2 heaping teaspons "Better Than Bullion" beef base, 2 tablespoons ham base, 1 tablespoon minced garlic, ½ teaspoon dried basil, 1½ teaspoon curry, 2 teaspoons pepper, ½ teaspoon allspice, ½ teaspoon thyme, 1 ground-up onion, and ¼ cup molasses.

At the end put in 16 oz. Cabernet wine and 2 cups eggnog. Voilà!

I'm guessing that the vegetables and and spices should probably be added closer to the end of the cooking process as well. Otherwise (experience has taught me) the potatoes and carrots will just dissolve into a cloudy murk, and the aromatic power of the herbs will be lessened. Adding the liquor last is a great idea, though. I particularly enjoyed their touch on the palate!

I don't know about you, I'm going to make this soup very soon. I just hope it is at least half as mouthwateringly savory as Fritz's last batch!