Sunday, September 30, 2007

Lost in Translation 1

'Tisn't the season, but I've had this whimsical dialogue on the backburner for long enough, and I can't wait until Lent to try it out. Standby for a similar gag based on a more secular theme.

MISSIONARY: Tell the headman thanks very much for the roast alligator foot, but I cannot eat it because it is Lent.

INTERPRETER (in native lingo): Jesus-man says he does not eat because it is springtime.

HEADMAN (perplexed): What is that supposed to mean?

INTERPRETER (to missionary): Headman desires you to explain.

MISSIONARY: In Lent, Christians are supposed to mortify the flesh.

INTERPRETER (in native lingo): Jesus-men slaughter their meat during the springtime.

MISSIONARY: This means fasting and self-denial.

INTERPRETER: They do this quickly, while saying "No" to themselves.

MISSIONARY: In particular, we are not to eat rich food during Lent.

INTERPETER: They especially do not eat people who have many possessions in the springtime.

HEADMAN (more perplexed than ever): Why do they do this?

INTERPETER: Headman asks, what is the purpose of this?

MISSIONARY: It is a kind of self-discipline.

INTERPRETER (in native lingo): This is how the Jesus-men make themselves strong.

MISSIONARY: It helps us loosen the ties of earth...

INTERPRETER: So they can escape from bonds when they are staked to the ground...

MISSIONARY: ...and focuses our eyes on the Lord.

INTERPRETER: ...and they aim their arrows at the headman.

MISSIONARY: It really brings us closer to the Holy One.

INTERPRETER: They can sneak up within arm's reach of a witch doctor.

MISSIONARY: Also, it saves money that we can use to feed the poor.

INTERPETER: They also force widows and orphans to eat gold.

MISSIONARY: This brings joy to the hosts of heavenly angels.

INTERPRETER: This makes glad an invisible army from the sky.

HEADMAN (terrified): Give this monster anything he wants! We want no trouble from him!

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