Whimsy for the Road

This past holiday weekend, while driving down to the lake to see my folks, I added a few more riffs to my work in progress, the "drunken redneck" comedy routine. These may or may not make the final cut, but here's what I came up with...

"THE TOILET BIT"
I have the cleanest toilet in the trailer park. I know I don't look like the OCD type, but it's a labor of love. You'd be motivated to keep the bowl clean, too, if you knew that at two in the morning you'd be getting a close-up look at all the spots you missed. "Hey, I wonder whose hair is thAAAAAAT!"

"DON'T YOU HATE THAT"
Don't you hate the kind of driver who dawdles in front of you when there's a double yellow line in the middle of the road, but every time there's a chance for you to pass him, he speeds up? Ever felt like giving that guy a one-fingered salute? All right, show of hands, folks. How many of you has that happened to this week? Now keep your hands up if it happened today. How about on the way here tonight? Really? [Arrange ahead of time to have somebody raise his hand if no one else does.] Wow. What a rude world, eh bro? Did you flip the bird? Aw, don't be shy now. You did, didn't you? Yeah, you did. See, that other guy was me. Just so you'll know who left a peace offering for you. By the way, you really should close the moon roof when you park...