Wednesday, July 15, 2009

All-Star Tackiness

On display this week at the ELCA church sign in my neighborhood:

WE ARE ALL STARS
BY GOD'S GRACE

Hmm. I've come up with a different snappy comeback every time I've driven past that sign. Since it's so hard for me to choose between them, I'll leave the decision to you. Write-in candidates are also welcome.

Response #1 (from the "What Hole Are You Vanishing Into?" Dept.):
...ONLY SOME OF US ARE
COLLAPSING INTO BLACK HOLES

Response #2 (from the "Anything Said About Everything Means Nothing" Dept.):
...SO REMEMBER, YOU'RE SPECIAL
JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

Response #3 (from the "I Thought You Meant Literally" Dept.):
...WHO ELSE WOULD CARE FOR
FLAMING BALLS OF HOT GAS

Response #4 (from the "Is This A Sit-Com Or A Soap Opera?" Dept.):
...SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT
GETTING OUT OF YOUR CONTRACT

Response #5 (from the "Not Everyone Can Have First Billing" Dept.):
...STEP OUT OF LINE, AND YOU'LL STAR
IN THE NEXT "WHERE ARE THEY NOW?" SPECIAL

I really don't know where this is going to end. It saddens me to see both language and theology reduced to the absurd, in one sentence or less, on an almost weekly basis. Who are "we all"? How are we all "stars"? And does this actually say anything meaningful about God's grace? Oy, vay!

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