Monday, November 26, 2012

Dip Duel

Back here, I shared a recipe my Mom sent me for a dip that goes well with Townhouse crackers. Over Thanksgiving weekend, I sneaked a peak at my Stepmom's recipe for a dip to go with (say) Triscuits. We snacked on them at lunchtime this past Saturday. Dad and I used Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits. Stepmom used some kind of Ritz thingies. An awesome time was had by all. And I think it is evident that the recipe works equally well with turkey.

Ingredients:
  • 1 8-oz. brick of cream cheese
  • 5 tablespoons of Frank's Red Hot sauce
  • Roasted chicken (or turkey) breast meat
Cut up the cream cheese into cubes, place it in a covered bowl, and melt it in the microwave. Stir in the hot sauce. Pull apart the breast meat and add it to the mixture until you achieve the desired consistency. Spoon onto small plates and shovel it up with your choice of crackers. Could it get any simpler?

IMAGE: Swiped from here. If you object to my use of this image, I'll swipe one from somewhere else.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Brontë Butcher Dickens Hawthorne Wodehouse

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall
by Anne Brontë
Recommended Ages: 13+

Published in 1848, the year before her death at age 29, this was the second novel of "the other Brontë sister." It stands out among the seven novels those three sisters wrote between them—though not necessarily as the best-executed piece of writing, nor as the most daring structural experiment, nor the most enduringly appealing romance. It stands out, rather, as a searingly realistic depiction of a failing marriage at a time when wives were still their husband's property under English law. Its author braved public scandal and critical reproof to expose, in grim detail, the evil consequences of marital infidelity, alcoholism, coarseness, cruelty, jealousy, and gossip. The book sharply criticizes the social mores that made some women prisoners of their abusive husbands, that rushed people into unsuitable matches not based on mutual love and respect, and that robbed creatively gifted women of their artistic independence.

Far from being a celebration of adultery, debauchery, and bad parenting, this book is if anything a manifesto against such moral excesses. Some would call it one of the first great feminist novels. Others might call it a realistic rebuttal to the romanticized horrors of sister Emily's Wuthering Heights, or view its heroine an antidote to the self-absorption of Jane Eyre. Charlotte Brontë called it a piece of hack work and prevented its republication between Anne's death and her own. But I call it a deeply-felt and even more deeply thought, courageous, complex, scathingly honest, searchingly conscientious novel about a love turning bitter, an upright soul caught in a moral dilemma, a mother protecting her son from his father, and an imperfect but well-meaning man at war with his own heart.

Fans of Wuthering Heights may find something familiar in the structure of this novel, which shares the former masterpiece's "nested narrators" and affects to be a letter from male protagonist Gilbert Markham to his unseen friend Mr. Halford. In the center of this long letter is a thick section excerpted from the diary of the supposed widow Helen Gibson, who turns out actually to be a Mrs. Huntingdon on the run from a Mr. ditto. In defiance of legal statutes and social customs, she has abandoned her husband and taken their young son Arthur with her. Why did she leave him? It wasn't being left alone in a country manor for months at a time while he raised Cain in the city. It wasn't having her tranquil home invaded by his raucous friends. It isn't being subjected to the unwanted advances of one of her husband's chums and neighbors. It wasn't his heavy drinking, his psychological cruelty, his lack of sympathy for Helen's pious views, or even his affair with another man's wife carried on under their very noses. All this she puts up with for several years. Helen's "firing solution" is the danger she sees that her husband will corrupt their son and make him such a one as himself.

So she packs it in, retreats to a ruined mansion in a remote county, and tries to support herself and little Arthur by selling her work as a very talented painter. And it would have worked beautifully, too, were it not for a community full of prattling tongues, the passion of young Farmer Markham, and the spite of a parson's daughter who feels herself robbed of Gilbert's attentions. Finally Helen goes back to her husband, not to submit to his caprices, but to nurse him at his deathbed in a wrenching depiction of the end of life that is sure to tarnish the halo of sentimental sweetness that surrounds many another death in Victorian literature. And still this does not quite open the way for Helen and Gilbert to be together—nor is the final understanding between them necessarily the ideal outcome for a character in Helen's situation. In Anne Brontë's world, making a woman happy is an awful responsibility for a husband, just as choosing the one who will do so is a terrible gamble for her.

Above all other remarks about this book, I want to sing its praises. Anne Brontë was a wonderful writer whose early death was a great loss to English literature. She knows how to turn a striking phrase, how to use scenic descriptions to great psychological effect, and how to get her characters to communicate much while saying little. To qualify the tragedy of her untimely death as "almost as great as the loss of Emily" would be to diminish it too much. With Emily's Wuthering Heights we see a great romanticist spring at once into her fullness of powers; there is no way to guess what direction her career might have taken from there. Anne, on the other hand, made a tremendous leap forward from Agnes Grey to this book, and at that rate of progress she ought to have been writing circles around her better-regarded sisters within another book or two. More to the point, her book avoids the sins of romanticism in which her sisters' debut novels unrepentantly wallowed. It is a work of amazing insight and integrity.

To be sure, there are some clumsy, beginnerish touches in it—such as the early passages that simply describe a set of characters without capturing them in candid action, and corresponding passages at the end in which Gilbert interrupts his narrative to insert sketches of their subsequent fates. And, again as in Agnes Grey, Anne toys dangerously with the concentration of Methodist moral and doctrinal apologetic that a novel can hold in its solution. But the exactions of listening to Helen Huntingdon sermonize are repaid by the sympathy the reader feels for her emotions as her pure ideals are tested by conflicting desires and, at times, a torment of suspense. Before this story has run its course, both Helen and Gilbert run the full gamut of temptations to be resisted, dilemmas to be faced, painful resolutions to be borne, and guilty words and deeds to make amends for. Most likely there will always be debate on whether the ending is as happy as it could be, or perhaps happier than it should be. But where some books leave you relishing the scandal they provoke, this one—if it scandalizes you—should leave you abhorring the evils it so frankly depicts. And if that is the case, I think Anne Brontë would consider her book a success.

Academ's Fury
by Jim Butcher
Recommended Ages: 14+

In this sequel to Furies of Calderon, or Book 2 of the "Codex Alera," Dresden Files creator Jim Butcher continues an act of fantasy-world-building so fresh and exciting that I simply can't believe he did it on a bet that he couldn't base a brilliant story on a mashup of two stupid concepts—in this case, "Pokémon meets the lost Roman legion." Maybe it's a mercy I never really got into Pokémon, but I just can't see it. The realm, of which the human society of Alera is but one of several races, is just too awesome to compare with "Pikachu, I choose you!" Aargh! Shudder! Don't make me even think about it! But, all right, the Roman part I'll grant you. Aleran society is related in some vague, alternate-world (or perhaps post-apocalyptic) way to the ancient Roman Empire—except that almost everybody has some degree of magical ability, especially those of the noblest blood. Their magic comes from an ability to command the entities that personify the forces of nature in wood, metal, earth, water, air, and fire. But young Tavi, an unconventional hero in that he has no "furycraft" whatsoever, knows that such power can also be a weakness—for example, because its wielders never learn to rely on their wits.

Tavi has been learning exactly that, and many other skills, during the two years or so since First Lord Gaius sponsored his entrance at the Cursors' academy. Between gruelling lessons in combat, history, and other subjects, he also serves as the First Lord's page, growing strong and lean from running up and down the spiral stairs to his patron's meditation chamber, and developing iron nerves by standing up to the ambassador of the wolflike Canim. Besides all this and trying to dodge magically gifted bullies without revealing the full extent of his non-magical abilities, Tavi is on special assignment to catch a thief.

With all these jobs to do and final exams coming up, Tavi is already missing a lot of sleep when things start to get really busy. The imperial capital is coming alive for the annual Wintersend festival. His Aunt Isana, the first female citizen to be made a Steadholder other than by marriage or murder, is coming to town on urgent business, regardless of the squad of assassins after her. A high lord is plotting to push Gaius off the throne and seize power for himself. The Canim, who not only can smell fear and tear out a man's throat with their teeth but also have some kind of magical influence over the weather, are brewing up a colossal storm, as if to test the First Lord and his empire for weakness. And when all this proves too much for the aging and overtaxed First Lord to cope with, Tavi is the one who must step up. Now, on top of everything, he must cover up for his lord's frailty, even to the point of surviving an attempt on his life and springing a buddy from jail so that the charade that Gaius is still in control can go on.

But the toughest part is yet to come. Back home in the Calderon Valley, Tavi's uncle Count Bernard has led the Garrison legion into a trap. The enemy is a strange race of insectoid beings called the vord, who have struck fear into the hearts of the fearless Marat for millennia. The Marat, you may remember, are a barbarian horde whose territory borders Alera, and have only lately become the Alerans' allies after a grisly conflict in the previous book that is now remembered as the Second Marat War. Massive, tough, and brutally honest, these Marat have a deep wisdom that compensates for their apparent lack of cleverness—and their battle-readiness is enhanced by the way warriors from each tribe bond with a particular kind of animal, fighting alongside them like two bodies with one mind. Imagine a horde of these warriors, each paired with a vicious, elephant-sized, badger-type creature called a gargant. Imagine two thousand of these warrior pairs, ganging up on a nest of the vord—a queen, her beetle-like warriors, her spider-like keepers, and (perhaps deadliest of all) the reanimated bodies of her captured enemies, known as the "taken." And now imagine that after destroying this one vord nest, all that remains of the horde is one Marat chieftain named Doroga and his gargant pal Walker.

Are you ready to understand the seriousness of the predicament our Aleran friends are in? No, you are not. Now imagine that there are two more such nests at large: the one that has Bernard and his legion pinned down in the valley, and the one that followed Tavi's scent to the capital city. The authorities should be very concerned, to say the least. But nobody in the capital knows anything about it except Bernard's sister and Tavi's aunt Isana, who doesn't know how to get Gaius's attention—doesn't know that the First Lord is, in fact, quite indisposed—and has her hands full just staying alive when every third person she meets is trying to kill her. For Bernard and Amara, the Cursor Countess he loves, prospects are dim. Even with Doroga and Walker fighting beside them, without reinforcements their legion is doomed. The only chance for Alera to survive this imminent threat is for Isana to make a deal with the devil... or at least the people who were trying to kill her and everyone she cared about in the last crisis. And even with reinforcements flying to the rescue, the nation will not be saved without a savage, bloody, desperate battle.

And that, dear readers, is what you can expect in this adventure. Magic, check. Intrigue, check. Suspense, humor, romance (adult content advisory!)—check, check, check. Shocking violence and spectacular battle scenes? In spades! Do events reach such a grim outlook that there seems to be no future in store for anybody? Absolutely! Does Tavi come through with clever and gutsy maneuvers? Yes. And will the ending leave you slobbering with anticipation of the next installment? Wipe your mouth, then, and grab hold of Codex Alera Book 3: Cursor's Fury.

The Old Curiosity Shop
by Charles Dickens
Recommended Ages: 12+

In 1840, after publishing his first three serialized novels, Charles Dickens started a new weekly magazine titled Master Humphrey's Clock. He meant it to be a break from novels, with little essays and one-off stories by himself and other authors, held together by the character of Master Humphrey by way of an emcee. But circulation plunged after the promising first issue, so Dickens realized that what his public wanted was more serial novels. And so he gave them The Old Curiosity Shop which, at the time it was first published, was his most commercially successful novel—especially the part of it that concerns Nelly Trent, an angelic girl whose melancholy journey and inevitable demise captured the sentiments of a hundred thousand readers while the series ran. Today, however, this book may well be regarded as Dickens' least successful novel—particularly because of the Little Nell plot line.

It isn't just that tastes have changed and critics no longer go in for mawkish sentimentality. It's frankly that the Nell side of The Old Curiosity Shop is, from beginning to end, the more boring, banal, badly-written half of the book. It's almost as if its author wrote perfunctorily, not caring what he did; which is strange, since Dickens' correspondence from that period shows that he cared passionately about little Nell, as her fate revived the pain he had felt three years earlier at the death of an idolized young sister-in-law. Whatever psychological insights may arise from the fact, neither did the "Nelliad" elicit the best of its author's powers of scenic description, social realism, and character detail, nor does it stir in the reader half the enjoyment of the more comical, dramatic, active, brilliantly-written flip side of the novel in which characters such as Quilp, Kit, Dick Swiveller and the Marchioness, the Brasses, and Whisker the pony come so vividly to life.

Until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, no novel's final installment attracted more enthusiastic public interest in its time than the last number of The Old Curiosity Shop, in which readers finally ascertained whether Little Nell lives or dies. It's a funny thing. From the perspective of 171 years later, I never doubted Nell was going to die from an early point in the novel (apart from that fact being widely known). As Nell and her dotard, gambling-addicted grandfather escape from the vice and menaces of the city and flee ever farther into the countryside, their journey is haunted by symbols and presentiments of death. The girl's health deteriorates steadily as she drags her grandfather from one sink of corruption after another, through scenes that would have fallen nicely into place in a picaresque novel where the punch show, the wax works, the canal barge, etc., would serve as steps toward success but that, in this novel, only seem to illustrate that there can be no rest for Nell in this world. Meanwhile the thought of her stainless character undergoing any change (such as puberty) remains inconceivable to any but the vilest character (such as Quilp), until any even semi-conscious reader must guess that Nell is going to die. And—SPOILER ALERT!—die she does. Her death is revealed in a scene that very sensitive readers may find cruelly sad, while others shake their heads in impatience to have it over with. I found myself somewhere in the middle.

The other characters, besides those Nell meets on her journey, proceed on their own course, their connection with her serving only to highlight their goodness or badness. And as evidence that this serialized novel was a somewhat improvised affair, many of these characters change greatly between their first appearance and the end. Kit Nubbles grows from a cockney imbecile who serves Nell and her grandfather with mindless devotion, to a likely youngster with a promising manhood before him. Dick Swiveller develops from an idle fop, reckless and ridiculous and lightly touched with villainy, to a candid though light-hearted hero, redeemed by hardship and his kindness to a half-starved servant girl whom, with a romantic flair that melted my heart, he dubs "the Marchioness." Slimy lawyer Sampson Brass, his hoyden sister Sally, his vile client Quilp, the latter's longsuffering wife and shrewish mother-in-law, his tumbling office boy Tom Scott, the sullen office drudge Mr. Chuckster, and the blustery but mysterious Single Gentleman, furnish the book with a wealth of comic relief, suspense, pathos, romance, loathing, and otherwise fascinating character studies. What they do, and what becomes of them, I commend to you to find out for yourself—though I am almost tempted to advise you to skip the Nell chapters. And if you need any more help sweetening the pill, you might try the audiobook narrated by Anton Lesser, a voice actor who disappears into every role he portrays.

A Wonder-Book for Girls and Boys
by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Recommended Ages: 10+

In these days of hot-and-cold running plagiarism lawsuits and zealously defended copyrights, the watchword in all creative works is Originality. Luckily, the heirs of Homer, Aeschylus, Euripides, and their ilk are no longer enforcing their ownership of intellectual property. Otherwise, many of today's best entertainments would be up for challenge, if not for their overt content, at least for their themes. Sometimes the mania for strict originality becomes downright ridiculous, as in the oft-retweeted criticism of J. R. R. Tolkien for stealing ideas from J. K. Rowling.

I, for one, am a big supporter of the art of making old things new again. I have devoted many of my reviews to admiring the services of such authors as Walter Scott, Roger Lancelyn Green, Howard Pyle, Andrew Lang, Charles & Mary Lamb, and so on and on and on. In many instances, their retellings of older fables, legends, myths, and dramas have joined the originals amid the ranks of the classics, at least in some senses of the word "classic." Learning Greek and Latin is worthwhile, but reading Lancelyn Green is quicker. By the time your young classical scholar has painfully begun to construe Virgil and Ovid, he might not regret having read and enjoyed the same stories in a simple, friendly translation. And for the purpose of introducing young children to the wonders of ancient storytelling, no recycling could be more simple and friendly than that of Nathaniel Hawthorne, the author of A Scarlet Letter.

In fact, if any fault is to be found in Hawthorne's adaptation of six tales of the ancient heroes, it may be the fault of being too precious, if not even patronizing, in his approach to the little heads and hearts of his hearers. But Hawthorne shields himself from this charge by putting a little "creative distance" between himself and the supposed adapter of the tales. For it seems that, during a relaxing retreat in the Massachusetts countryside (now the site of the Tanglewood Music Festival), where Hawthorne wrote this book, the author overheard these stories being told in their present form by a young scholar named Eustace Bright to a crowd of his younger siblings and cousins. The six tales are framed by passages in which we observe Eustace and the younger children recreating themselves amid the scenic charms of the Tanglewood estate and its neighborhood at different seasons of the year. The children all have floral nicknames like Primrose, Cowslip, and Dandelion, and although there seem to be a score of them (more or less), only a few of them speak up and display any sort of personality. The real, central character is Eustace Bright, and you learn what you know of him by the way he adapts Greek legends to the amusement of children of his day. And so, if you find any shortcomings in the way these stories are told, you must put them down to the unfinished education of young Mr. Bright, whose taste is perhaps not yet fully formed.

And which tales does he tell? The titles in Hawthorne's table of contents are helpful only as vague clues. Of course, "The Gorgon's Head" would have to be the story of Perseus, and how he slew snaky-headed Medusa, whose face had the same effect as the basilisk's gaze. And "The Golden Touch" can be easily identified as the affair of Midas, who foolishly wished for everything he touched to be changed into gold. Obviously this wish had drawbacks, as Midas learned when trying to eat or hugging his daughter. "The Paradise of Children" tells how Pandora opened the forbidden box and let all the troubles out into the world. "The Three Golden Apples" relates one of the adventures of Hercules, during which the Titan who holds the sky on his shoulders tries to leave Hercules in the lurch. In "The Miraculous Pitcher," two mysterious travelers reward an elderly couple named Baucis and Philemon for their humble hospitality... and punish the neighboring villagers for their lack of ditto. And finally, "The Chimæra" proves to be the story of Bellerophon, who (in case you don't know) is the character in Greek folklore who tamed Pegasus, the famed winged horse. Holy hippogriff!

All these stories are perfectly fabulous, and what Hawthorne (or Eustace Bright) leaves out will not be missed by small children. To be sure, those same children might not care if you left out the introductions and conclusions to each tale, in which the scene reverts to Eustace and the other children. I have it on good authority that the sequel, Tanglewood Tales for Boys and Girls, dispenses with these verbal picture-frames and lets the Eustace-Brightified legends stand on their own. For the serious student of this type of literature (I mean the "original" stuff), the bridge material is helpful in providing a little explanation of the way the stories have been modified—for example, infusing them with a moral sensibility that wasn't present in the authentic Greek version. But I am neither purist enough, nor copyright lawyer enough, to be picky about these things. For me, it is wonderful to see one great writer take the work of another and make it completely his own. And that is to say nothing of the miracle of sharing it with a child and making what was theirs, yours.

Carry On, Jeeves
by P. G. Wodehouse
Recommended Ages: 12+

This collection of humorous stories, published in 1925, is very similar to My Man Jeeves (1919)—so similar, in fact, that several stories from that earlier book appear, in a somewhat revised form, in this later one. In this case, all ten of the stories feature English playboy Bertie Wooster and his resourceful manservant Jeeves. (You may recall that half of My Man Jeeves was devoted to a different series of stories.) One of them, "Jeeves Takes Charge," tells the tale of how Jeeves and Wooster got together. Another installment is told from Jeeves' point of view, a striking departure from Bertie's usual narrative, revealing even more clearly which of the two is really in control of the relationship. Together they get mixed up in a series of comical capers of the kind that only over-educated, idle-rich chumps could get into during the early decades of the last century.

Many of these stories show Bertie ineffectually trying to assert some independent judgment regarding hats, ties, whiskers, and the like—only to be cowed into submitting to Jeeves' opinion. But the fellow is worth the trouble, since it is Jeeves' clever schemes that get Bertie out of many a scrape. Jeeves and his gentleman come to the rescue of couples whose marital hopes are in jeopardy, chums whose spendy lifestyle depends on the fickle favor of rich aunts or uncles, and Bertie's own bachelorhood (which Jeeves would go to amazing lengths to preserve). To accomplish their humanitarian aims, they indulge in minor thefts, impersonations, and swindles, such as publishing a ghost-written book to help a would-be bride curry favor with the uncle of her intended. And as each plot throws off unexpected side-effects, they meet the setback with deft footwork, outrageous lying, and an all-redeeming sense of the absurd.

The names of Bertie's cronies are a laugh parade in themselves. In this book, young Mr. Wooster comes to the aid of men named Motty, Bicky, Corky, Rocky, Bitty, Sippy, Freddy, and Bingo, among others. With these fine specimens of British and American gentry, Bertie gets into such sticky situations, and expresses himself in such silly ways, that I laughed until I cried—often—and even until I squeaked—once or twice. My wholehearted endorsement of the late Jonathan Cecil's audio-book reading is qualified only by the fact that the blurry vision resulting from my tears of laughter made driving conditions dangerous while I was on the highway.

Other books in the "Jeeves canon" include the novels and short-story collections The Inimitable Jeeves (1923); Very Good, Jeeves (1930); Thank You, Jeeves and Right Ho, Jeeves (both 1934); The Code of the Woosters (1938); Joy in the Morning (1946); The Mating Season (1949); Ring for Jeeves (1953); Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit (1954); Jeeves in the Offing (1960); Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves (1963); Much Obliged, Jeeves (1971); and Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (1974). All that is besides a stage play, a few individual Jeeves stories included in other collections, and an omnibus volume of the short stories titled The World of Jeeves (1967). Plus, just to add to the confusion, many of the above books were released in the U.S. under different titles. Never you mind. I intend to read all of them. I rely on the good all the laughter will do me. And I don't even mind if I hear some of the same stories a second time.

The Code of the Woosters
by P. G. Wodehouse
Recommended Ages: 12+

This novel, first serialized in New York and London newspapers in 1938, packs several "Jeeves and Wooster" short-stories' worth of material into one wickedly dense weave of plot, every stitch of which you will feel in your side as the ridiculous heists, blackmails, rivalries, counter-plots, and romantic complications bearing down on one Gloucestershire manor reveal just how many different shades of laughter your body can produce. In the center of it all is a fashionable fathead named Bertie Wooster and his endlessly resourceful gentleman's gentleman—Jeeves.

Bertie's crisis begins when his Aunt Dahlia commissions him to sneer at a silver cow-creamer (don't ask, just Wiki it). The caper doesn't come off, thanks to a badly-timed brush with a beak (that is, a magistrate) who had previously fined him 50 pounds for conspiracy to steal a policeman's helmet. The cow-creamer falls into enemy hands, jeopardizing a silver-fancying uncle's delicate digestion, as well as Bertie's chances of being invited to future dinners cooked by the best French chef in all England. With this horrible fate hanging over him, Bertie repairs to Totley Towers (the aforementioned joint in Gloucestershire) to have the first of his four novel-length adventures connected with that place and its inhabitants. (The other three are told in The Mating Season (1949), Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves (1963), and Much Obliged, Jeeves (1971).)

To reveal any further plot points in this book would risk spoiling a moment of hilarious perfection. I might hint, though, that you could be laughing about a brown leather-covered notebook filled with choice insults, a policeman's helmet (another one!), a confidential club for valets and butlers, a bathtub full of newts, a vicar named Stinker Pinker, two (2) dangerously marriageable young ladies, and a daffy Fascist wanna-be dictator. (Clearly this was before World War II, if such a thing could be played for comedy!) Apart from the fact that nothing feels better to laugh at than a class of people one despises—and for many people even today, the idle rich of Bertie's set meet that criterion with ease—this is a book that will leave you feeling superb. Laughter, after all, lightens many aches and pains. And this book made me laugh as heartily as few books have done.

Ring for Jeeves
by P. G. Wodehouse
Recommended Ages: 12+

This novel-length installment in the Jeeves-Wooster adventures is an odd duck in several ways. The first thing you notice is that it is narrated in the third person, rather than in the voice of playboy Bertie or his manservant Jeeves. Second, while Bertie is frequently mentioned, he doesn't appear in this story. Jeeves has been loaned to the former Bill Belfry, now styled the 9th Earl of Rowcester (pronounced just like "Roaster"). Third, World War II has happened; the 1950s have arrived; and, in case 1950s U.K. history is a mystery to you, British society has undergone a bloodless revolution of the socialist type. The time of the idle rich is over. Chinless wonders with inherited titles, mansions, and real estate no longer have the resources to live high on the hog without working for a living. The good Lord giveth, but the tax man taketh away.

And so we find young Lord Rowcester living in a decaying pile of medieval stone, desperate for a source of funds to plug the holes in the roof and to provide for his bride-to-be, a veterinary surgeon named Jill Wyvern. It's all very well for his brother-in-law, Sir Roderick Carmoyle (Rory to his friends), to work at Harrige's department store. Even Bertie Wooster has fallen in the world, to the extent that he must go to school to learn how to darn his own sox. But Bill wants ready money and fast. While Jill, Rory, and Bill's sister Monica (a.k.a. "Moke") think His Lordship is doing something for the Agricultural Board, in fact he has taken Jeeves' advice and set up shop as a bookie, disguised under a false mustache, an eyepatch, a loud suit and tie, and the name of Honest Patch Perkins.

Things start to heat up when a beefy, red-faced, Anglo-Malay hunter named Captain Biggar wins a double at the horse races and his bookie—our own Honest Patch—finds himself £3,000 short of being able to pay. Bill and Jeeves flee, Biggar pursuing them nearly as far as Rowcester Abbey, where they doff their disguises and brace themselves for what comes next. What comes next is a farce involving a rich, house-hunting American widow with a taste for ghosts; a diamond pendant with a loose clasp; an old white hunter whose noodle has been so cooked by the tropical sun that he has but a light grasp of reality, though he never quite loses touch with the gentlemen's code; an embarrassing relative who can be relied on to say the wrong thing at the wrong time; a horse race in which so much depends on an unfavored horse closing in from behind; a household staff full of pimply teenagers; and a tough old magistrate who makes up his mind to ask a neighbor for the loan of a horsewhip, only to use it on him.

Besides this, it is a romantic comedy with two couples whose happiness is endangered by the silly goings-on. It a crime story in which the culprit is more worried about making amends for his crime than facing the music. It an adventure that gives full scope to the ingenuity of Jeeves, who not only knows what horse to bet on, but who can usually come up with a fiendishly clever scheme for dealing with sticky situations. Even when most strongly moved, Jeeves registers emotion by no more than a faint twitch of the eyebrow. Yet, somehow, there is a marvelous eloquence in his utterances such as, "Yes, my lord," and, "Indeed, my lord," and, "Most disturbing, my Lord."

The dialogue sparkles. The protagonist's nervousness gives spice to the high-spirited high-jinks. And if the narration seems to lack some of the unflagging zest of a first-person Bertie Wooster yarn, it compensates by making one think that the whole business would go off like a bang on the stage. This is well, since Wodehouse adapted this book from his own play Come On, Jeeves, co-authored by Guy Bolton. If it seems at times like good material for the book of a Broadway musical, perhaps it is because Bolton and Wodehouse collaborated on several such books. While it doesn't have all of the magic we have come to expect from Jeeves-and-Wooster stories, it is filled with a perhaps more grown-up hilarity, based on more grown-up times, and speaking to a more grown-up audience. And since, in the end, Jeeves announces that he is going back to Bertie, we can count on seeing more of the old magic yet.

Very Good, Jeeves
by P. G. Wodehouse
Recommended Ages: 12+

This 1930 short-story collection, entirely devoted to the hilarious adventures of Bertie Wooster and his "private gentleman's gentleman" Jeeves, was the third book of its kind, according to the author's foreword, which names The Inimitable Jeeves and Carry On, Jeeves as its predecessors. The foreword also helpfully provides a script, both in English and in French, for how to ask your friendly neighborhood bookseller to sell you the book.

The stories themselves (eleven of them) had previously been published separately in American and British magazines. Nevertheless, they are so united by a common cast of characters that they almost, between them, form a novel. A novel in which playboy Bertie and his brainy valet are always getting in and out of ridiculous scrapes with battleaxe aunts, dotty uncles, horrid cousins, frisky damsels, and the occasional dog or infant. Jeeves extends his services to such of Bertie's friends and clubfellows as have names like Bingo, Sippy, and Tuppy.

In these tales, Bertie gets the worst in a duel of pranks, evens the odds in a bet over which of two boys will be the best behaved, helps a pal escape the clutches of his wife's nutritionist friend, and dabbles with breaking into a girls' school (for the best of reasons, of course). Whether the problem has to do with a dog, a car accident, a painting, or a vase, Jeeves proves himself to be the man with the answers—though his poor master sometimes squirms a bit before he accepts his medicine. Somehow, the cure quite often involves sudden departures by boat, ship, or train. Such are the hazards of being a flighty playboy with a cool-headed servant who always knows which side the crumpet is buttered on.

These tales have the light, tickling froth of a flute of champagne, often with the additional tartness of a particularly dry vintage. A good part of my enjoyment of them came from the late Jonathan Cecil's tour-de-force of audio-book reading. But as the series' special blend of offbeat characters, silly situations, and Bertie's daffy, what-ho-old-schoolmate style of narration grows more familiar, I find it easier to understand why at least one of my friends re-reads his Wodehouse regularly. Even as the world of Jeeves and Wooster becomes as comfortable as a well-worn easy-chair, the laughs remain reliable, frequent and hearty.

Young Men in Spats
by P. G. Wodehouse
Recommended Ages: 12+

With this collection of eleven short stories, the prolific English humorist who created Jeeves and Wooster proves that his style of adventures can be fun even without the ever-resourceful Jeeves. All of the stories feature upper-class chumps of the Bertie Wooster set, who are constantly getting caught in wacky situations involving girls, country mansions, daffy uncles, hard-nosed aunts, money troubles, mistaken identities, and various dangers ranging from a punch on the nose to (even worse) social embarrassment.

Eight of the stories are told as gossip by, for, and about members of the Drones Club—a fictional gentlemen's club in London whose members subdivide, seemingly at random, into Eggs, Beans, and Crumpets. (I guess this has something to do with such endearments as, "I say, old bean," etc.) Wodehouse wrote dozens of Drones/Egg-Bean-Crumpet tales throughout his career. Towards the end of the book, three of the stories are told at the Angler's Rest pub, where a certain Mr. Mulliner holds his audience (identified by their drinks) spellbound with "fish stories" about his boundless supply of nephews, cousins, and so forth. Mr. Mulliner's far-fetched yarns also form a recurring theme in the work of Wodehouse, to the tune of some 41 stories. Besides these common factors, this book also includes four stories starring Freddie Widgeon and two featuring Pongo Twistleton, both recurring Wodehouse heroes.

Even though some readers may come to this book looking for more on Bertie and Jeeves, few to none will go away unhappy. The stories are outrageously silly. A good third of the fun is imagining what it would be like to live the comfortable life of a Drone, doing nothing for a living and yet living well, having nothing to worry about but the kinds of problems many of us almost wish we had. Another third part is the rib-tickling enjoyment of seeing these empty-headed chaps go through nervous hell (and sometimes, but not always, make a clean getaway), brought on in many instances by their fundamental lack of character. The third third of the laughs flows straight out of the impish charm of Wodehouse's language: the narrators' and characters' colorful way of expressing themselves; the over-educated twits' talent for mangling classic literary references, each ingeniously selected to suit the most trivial occasion; the clipped, high-society slang with which club members and pub crawlers make light of bizarre and shocking doings.

Such doings include an uncle passing himself off as a series of perfect strangers, forcing his nervous nephew to play along; an accident-prone suitor setting fire to the family home of the girl he loves; a Drone plagued by a houseful of cats and dogs, who can't seem to take a step without stepping on one or being attacked by the other; a comedy duo whose top-hats get mixed up, with romantically ridiculous results; and one Mulliner nephew (who also happens to be a Drone), whose daftness is featured in two stories. First the fellow risks his engagement to the love of his life by getting over his head in utopian ideals; then, thinking he must break off his engagement for the good of his intended, he hires a small-time actress to ham up a scene in the theater of life. With these and many other absurdities on parade, you are sure to run the full range from giggles to guffaws.

If Mr. Mulliner's stories grab you, you can find most of the others collected in Meet Mr Mulliner (1927); Mr Mulliner Speaking (1929); Mulliner Nights (1933); Blandings Castle and Elsewhere (1935); and Lord Emsworth and Others (1937). There is also a 1972 omnibus volume titled The World of Mr Mulliner. As for the Drones club, apart from novels featuring club members (among whom Bertie Wooster is numbered), the remaining stories are scattered among several collections—most notably Eggs, Beans and Crumpets (1940) and A Few Quick Ones (1959).

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Alex Cross

One day not too many weeks ago, I treated myself to a meal at Mike Duffy's Pub and Grill and a movie at the AMC theater in Clayton, Missouri. Dinner was a nice, cozy crock of chili accompanied by an order of an appetizer that, in spite of being named after one too many cities, could become a threat to Applebee's and T.G.I. Friday's: Buffalo Chicken Rangoons, with a side of sweet-and-sour sauce. Flaky, crispy, creamy, tart, sweet, and tipped with a peppery sting that added a sheen of sweat to the glow of pleasure on my face, those little gimmicks made my evening. And the movie Alex Cross, featuring Tyler Perry as the detective created by author James Patterson, didn't.

The problem with Alex Cross is that it's not one movie, but four movies crammed into the running time of one. First, it's a family melodrama, like a retelling of Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry set in present-day Detroit—what with Cicely Tyson playing the lead character's mother who stops him on his way out the front door with a duffel bag full of sawed-off shotguns and says, "If you walk out that door, you'd better think about who you will be when you walk back in." Naturally there is also a scene where Tyler Perry comforts his daughter as they grieve over the death of his wife. "I'll never play the piano again," this infant petulantly whines. I would almost swear I saw a "Thank God" pass behind her father's tear-filled eyes. But that might have just been the Buffalo Rangoons stirring up gastrogeographical confusion inside me.

Next, the movie was an evil fitness video starring Matthew Fox, late of Lost, as a cold-blooded assassin who carries out stages of a ludicrously complex murder plot in between sets of fiendishly shirtless pull-ups. And it's all so very sad, because most people within 10 or 15 years of my age (+ or -) can remember when Fox was a nice-looking young man, whereas now, after riding a physical-fitness mania into his mid-forties, he just looks scary. Dude needs to put some body fat back on, that's all I'm saying.

The third movie within the movie is a buddy-cop flick featuring Tyler Perry (again?!) in a role previously played by Morgan Freeman, and Ed Burns as a sidekick who violates the canons of cops-and-bad-guys actioners by surviving to the end of the film with little more than a black eye to show for his jeopardy. In fact, it is Burns's character who does a Sam-and-Frodo and pulls his partner out of the crack of doom (here depicted as an abandoned theater repurposed as a parking structure). It just isn't right. At best, Burns should be last seen being loaded onto an ambulance, bravely hanging on and jonesing for Gummi Bears. The partnership between these two cops is especially awkward because: (1) they both lose their main squeeze at the same time, so neither gets a clear shot at comforting the other; and (2) after turning dirty to get the killer, they move on in tandem to a career at the FBI without suffering any consequences. I mean, couldn't there be an apoplectic captain to yell at them? OK, they do have John C. McGinley for a while—but he gets blown up before the buddies give him a really good reason to nail them.

And finally, squeezed into about a quarter of the movie's running time, there is the mystery-thriller in which a brilliant psychologist/detective (that's Doctor Cross to you) slowly gains ground on the equally brilliant monster he is chasing, using only his powers of observation, deduction, psychoanalysis and solid police work. Which ultimately proves to be a cheat anyway, since the case isn't solved until Dr. Cross and his partner steal evidence from their own precinct and use it to make a deal with Giancarlo Esposito. The bastards!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Money and Marriage

I've been reading a lot of Victorian novels in the last few years. Slowly it is has dawned on me that the subject matter of most Victorian novels can be algebraically reduced to two main topics: Money and Marriage. All the characters' ideas, efforts, and conversation tend toward these two things, either as future goals or as present problems.

To be sure, another common theme may be the keeping of guilty secrets—but those mostly have to do with money and/or marriage. Another frequent theme is religious piety—but mainly as it impacts, or is impacted by, money and/or marriage. Crime and the solving of crimes can often be seen as a theme in these novels—but can you guess the usual motives for such crimes? Also, admittedly, a lot of Victorian novels go in strongly for social reform—but almost all social reform is at least indirectly related to money, and what little is left may be considered relevant to marriage.

And besides... Most of the melodrama relating to marriage is based on concerns about money. People who want to get married are prevented by the lack of money, or by disparities of income and property, or by social mores that disapprove of marriage regardless of these concerns. Matrimonial prospects are evaluated in the light of the money they will bring to the union. Marital happiness or strife will be measured by the degree to which the couple is well-matched in their handling of money matters. Adventurers go about deceiving marriageable women with the same hue of mendacity with which embezzlers, spongers, and grifters grasp after the funds of others. Horrors of villainy and revenge have as their target either the innocence of eligible daughters or the disposition of wealth and property.

So, in a crassly simplistic sense, the 19th century novel is pretty much all about money, with marriage often added as a sugary coating to help it go down.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Hornung Melling Tolkien

The Amateur Cracksman
by E. W. Hornung
Recommended Ages: 12+

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle encouraged his brother-in-law Ernest William Hornung (1866–1921) to publish a series of articles in the same Strand magazine in which the former's tales of Sherlock Holmes were also printed. Hornung went ahead and created the comic antithesis of Holmes: A. J. Raffles, a charming, athletic rogue who supports his playboy lifestyle by perpetrating a series of daring burglaries. Or perhaps it's the other way round, and Raffles uses his fame as a cricket player and gentleman's-club-haunting bon vivant as a cover for his true calling. For surely, no jewel thief ever brought a cooler head, a subtler artistry, or a keener enthusiasm to the crime.

As Holmes has Watson, Raffles has a half-hero-worshiping, half-resentful sidekick to narrate his escapades: an old public-school chum whom we know only by his pet name Bunny. (Later books in the series reveal that his full name is Harry Manders.) In this collection of the first eight Raffles stories, Bunny reveals how their first heist together diverted the bankrupt freelance writer from the plan to blow his brains out. Owing his life to Raffles, Bunny follows him from one caper to another, always a little at sea because of his friend's slowness to let him in on the plan. They come away from a close scrape empty-handed, pull success out of the jaws of failure, solve a murder they planned to commit(!!), help a prisoner escape, and all the while feel the haggis-scented breath of Scotland Yard's Inspector MacKenzie on the napes of their necks, as the law slowly but inevitably catches up with them.

If it seems, at the end of this book of whimsically naughty tales, that it's all over for Raffles and Bunny, take heart. This is only the first of three sets of stories featuring the rascals. The Black Mask (published in the U.S. as The Further Adventures of the Amateur Cracksman) depicts a later phase of their career, after Raffles' cricketer secret identity has been blown. A Thief in the Night includes additional stories from both phases of their career. And the series culminates in a full-length novel, Mr. Justice Raffles. If you're into the Holmes stories and you would like to see a contemporary representative on the other side of the law, this series may be for you. If you've ever noticed how often the name "Raffles" comes up as the answer to a crossword clue (gentleman thief, 7 letters), or wondered about it when a character in an English novel dropped his name by way of an pre-World War I pop-culture reference, here is your chance to experience at first hand the subversive humor, light suspense, mild surprises, and roguish sex appeal that made Hornung's hero a favorite in the 1890s and early 1900s.

Political Incorrectness Advisory: Just a caution to schoolteachers looking for books to share with their students: You might want to give this one a pass. The book makes several references to being a "fag" and "fagging"—which at the time meant something other than what today's young people will probably think—and, in describing one character's black servants, drops the "N" bomb as well as a "K" word that became a no-no during the controversy over South African Apartheid. A word to the wise, etc.

The Hunter's Moon
by O. R. Melling
Recommended Ages: 13+

Findabhair (pronounced Finn-uh-veer) is a teenager who believes in fairies. She's Irish, so I guess that's all right. But her American cousin Gwen believes in fairies too, and thereby hangs a lot of trouble. When the two girls get together for a summer holiday, they set out on a tour of the ancient sites of Irish folklore, especially those kissed by a memory of magic—starting with Tara, for two thousand years the spiritual heart of Ireland and (according to the author's note at the end of the book) soon to become a motorway. Even as modern Ireland sweeps away every trace of "old Ireland," however, the girls discover at least one place where the magic is still alive. And that's where the trouble begins. During a daring night camped out in an ancient monument, Findabhair is abducted by fairies and poor, plump, out-of-her-element Gwen must assume the role of heroine, setting out to rescue her.

Gwen's journey takes her from one end of Ireland to the other, and brings her together with a series of new-found friends who also buck modern trends and Believe in Faerie. She also runs into many dangers and fends off a variety of faerie tricks. She partakes of a magical fellowship, and tastes the magic of love. But at the end of her journey, she learns that she must lead a war party into the darkest place in all the worlds and fight a perhaps hopeless battle, only to save her cousin from being sacrificed to the embodiment of darkness, evil, and death. As the story climaxes, the reader will share Gwen's exultation, horror, thrill of battle, and agony of loss—as well as a wistfully hopeful ending that may leave you sniffling and saying to yourself, "Isn't that just Ireland all over!"

Being a lover of fantasy, I can't long avoid novels that imbibe Irish folklore. The problem is that I know just enough of the Irish language to be painfully aware that my best guess as to how each word should sound in my mind's ear is as far from the actual pronunciation as the White Gates of Morning from the Black Gates of Night. It's terribly vexing. So I owe O. R. Melling (pen name of Canadian-Irish author G. V. Whelan) a deep bow of thanks for kindly supplying a glossary with pronunciation aids for us hopeless anglophones. Her "Chronicles of Faerie" series continues with the titles The Summer King, The Light-Bearer's Daughter, and The Book of Dreams. Plus, her stand-alone novels, mostly for young-adult readers, include The Singing Stone, The Druid's Tune, My Blue Country, and Falling Out of Time.

The Silmarillion
by J. R. R. Tolkien
edited by Christopher Tolkien
Recommended Ages: 13+

When The Hobbit was a hit, Tolkien's publisher asked for a sequel and, so the story goes, an early draft of this book is what Tolkien first submitted. The publisher was so perplexed that he sent it back, and so Tolkien wrote The Lord of the Rings instead. In that staggeringly casual, "oh well, here goes" kind of way was written one of the great stories of our age, a modern-day myth that has shaped so many works of fiction since then, including most of the fantasy genre. But The Silmarillion remained unfinished when Tolkien died. It was left to his son Christopher to patch together J. R. R.'s unpublished writings and fill in the missing pieces of this book, with the help of other fantasy mavens such as Guy Gavriel Kay. And so The Silmarillion became the cornerstone of a vast amount of posthumously-published material collated by Tolkien heirs and scholars up to the present day, much of it having to do with the same fantasy world of Middle Earth where The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings took place.

This bit of background information may serve to explain why this book is so marvelously insane, or insanely marvelous. In it, essentially, Tolkien creates the entire mythology of the world in which his fantasy masterpieces find their setting. It's a marvelous insanity like that of Peter Jackson, who in filming The Lord of the Rings strove for such a depth of authentic detail that many touches, such as the miles of handmade chain mail worn by the extras in many a crowded battle scene, were hardly seen on screen at all. Likewise, Tolkien fleshes out the background behind the great doings of The Lord of the Rings with not only a sketchy story outline, or a few surplus details, but with a whole vast canvas of history going back to the creation of the world and spanning ages on a scale so huge that the entire Rings saga appears alongside as a brief, parenthetical afterthought. He peoples those eons with a hierarchy of immortal beings who make the elves of Frodo's time seem puny and contemptible by comparison. He imagines languages, peoples, eons of time, and the natural history of whole worldfuls of geography (one world after another, as wars and catastrophes continually reshape the land), titanic conflicts, and the individual melodramas of an immense cast of characters whose comings and goings, sayings and doings, seem fit to stand alongside any epic cycle, saga, myth, or legend in world culture. He creates a reality that seems to be the work of several lifetimes, and all of it to furnish one fully-realized work of art (LOTR) with a fittingly scaled and textured wall to hang on. It's insane. And it's wonderful.

Tolkien writes in brutal disregard of all conventional notions of what makes a book readable, but he does so with incredible lyricism. He writes of spans of time and space that are incomprehensible, while the reader's brain hums like a machine in high gear. He dismisses impossibly long stretches of time with a fraction of a sentence, then tells tales of glory and tragedy and love and fate and conflict between good and evil, in wealth of incident and depth of detail. He zooms in on the weaknesses of his most admirable characters, the fears of the most courageous, the doom of the most powerful, the bitter ironies and mournful mysteries of so many good things that have been turned to evil or destroyed or lost forever. And he persists in coloring his world in shades of nostalgia, in a view of the world as one that has continually, or incrementally, become weakened or diminished or broken, even while light lingered through its darkest times.

The Silmarillion is a novel in five parts of unequal proportions. The greater part of it unfolds the legends of the wars between the powers of the world that existed before mankind came into being. It is interesting to see man depicted as a late-coming race within the world, a race whose very mortality is the gift that ensured that man's dominion would grow as the immortal elves waned. One of the master touches of fantasy is the ability to see all of mankind from an outside point of view, and there are few books that accomplish this so well as The Silmarillion. But even when the elves have the world pretty much to themselves, there is plenty of folly and misunderstanding and conflict and horror. Their history is a long-unspooling thread of curses, vows, revenges, bitter fates, wars against a tirelessly plotting foe, and needless injuries between those who should have been friends and allies. The entire history of elvendom is a continuous movement out of Middle Earth and towards the undying lands of the west, delayed and set back by the ill chances of a world over which, for many ages, only the stars shone, and in which evil got an early foothold.

You can come to this book to find out where folks like Elrond and Sauron, or creatures like Shelob came from; to learn what sets the dwarves apart from the elves; to see the shining beginnings of places that are already in ruin by the time The Lord of the Rings takes place; to learn the stories that lie behind the ancient beings encountered, the names dropped, and songs quoted like clues to a reality beyond what the characters in that book directly experience. That reality is not merely suggested, but actually exists in this monument of one man's mythopoeic imagination. I was right to be afraid to read it for so many years. But now that I have read it, I realize that I was afraid for the wrong reasons. It isn't an occult book of secret Dungeons-&-Dragons lore to subvert the imagination of a pious youth. Nor is it an unreadably tedious tome of made-up lingo and pompous platitudes. It is a huge, noble, powerful, eventful story, or collection of stories, that will move your heart, spark your imagination, and perhaps exert a good influence over the way you think about courage, and pride, and responsibility, and honor. It is a book of phony history that could plant in your mind useful thoughts about the true nature of history. It is a book that could help you understand something about the world's sickness—and not only to grieve over it, but to hope for its healing.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Hunt O'Dell Pattou

Up a Road Slowly
by Irene Hunt
Recommended Ages: 10+

A little while ago, I asked my friends on a certain social-networking website to name the "perfect novel," if they had read it. One of them named this book first published in 1966, which was already on my short list of things to read. I can't find that discussion thread right now, but I recall that my friend added something like, "...or pretty much anything by Irene Hunt." Such a strong recommendation could only push this book even higher on my to-do list. Until I read it, all I knew about it was that it fell into the category of "coming of age" stories, that it was a Newbery medalist (another category I have been "collecting" for my book review column), and that it is the second book by the author whose debut novel was the highly acclaimed Across Five Aprils. Past experience has taught me by these clues to expect something at least reasonably good. In actually reading the book, however, I found that it was more than reasonably good: it is a book of uncommon candor, intelligence, and heart.

It takes the form of a young woman's memoir of a decade of her life, between the ages of seven and seventeen, that changed the shape of her family and her notion of her own place in it; years that challenged her to recognize her own weaknesses and to forgive those of the people around her. Julie Trelling's ten-year journey begins with a hysterical fit after her mother's funeral, when she and her brother are sent out of town to live with her schoolmarmish maiden aunt while her idolized older sister Laura stays behind to take care of Father. Julie's feelings of grief and loneliness grow with her as Laura gets married and has a child of her own; as her brother Chris gets sent away to a boarding school; and as her father and his new wife redecorate the home of Julie's childhood right out of existence.

In spite of all this, Julie remains on good terms with her "holiday parents," but grows to accept Aunt Cordelia's country house as her home—even as she moves on to high school and Cordelia's career as a primary-school teacher comes to an end. She bears witness to a romantic tragedy when Aunt Cordelia's quondam beau moves back into the neighborhood with his fragile, demented wife. This bittersweet reunion brings pain not only to the long-separated lovers but also to Cordelia's ne'er-do-well brother Haskell, whose alcoholic self-destruction achieves its final phase during the strange affair of Mrs. Eltwing. And Julie, meanwhile, wonders whether her ambition to be a writer might mean she is too like Uncle Haskell for her own good.

Besides all this, Julie experiences her own disasters of the heart, while also picking up an education that many of today's young people ought to envy. Julie demonstrates a familiarity with books no teacher of mine ever required me to read, including some that I have only lately come to appreciate on the cusp of middle age. Taking note of the books Julie refers to, adding them to one's reading list, and understanding the words and expressions she uses in her narrative, could in itself be a small-scale education for a bright young reader. Teachers who recommend, require, or read this book to their students may be giving them a valuable gift.

It isn't quite clear where or when Julie's coming-of-age takes place. It's somewhere in the middle of America, given that the "eastern universities" are said to be half a continent away; and it's sometime when both automobiles and horse-drawn buggies could be seen on the same country roads and even in the same garage. It's a time when a girl whose honor was compromised might suddenly be sent to live with an aunt in Idaho, to the heartbreak of her friends; when people didn't believe in talking longer than three minutes on a long-distance phone call; and when small-town, one-room schools were beginning to consolidate into larger school districts. It's a time when a train conductor might give a sad little girl the wisest advice of her life, when a horseback ride in the woods might happen only five miles outside a college town, and when an inflexibly fussy old aunt may provide all the warmth of home that a growing girl needs. If there is no such place in today's world, it is our loss; except to the extent that we can visit it, and comfort ourselves in its warmth, by reading this book.

Author Irene Hunt died on her 94th birthday in 2001. Her later books (published between the late 1960s and the mid-1980s), are mostly historical novels for younger readers, often marked by sensitivity toward the poor, disabled, and minorities. Their titles include Trail of Apple Blossoms, No Promises in the Wind, The Lottery Rose, William, Claws of a Young Century, and The Everlasting Hills.

Island of the Blue Dolphins
by Scott O'Dell
Recommended Ages: 10+

This 1961 Newbery Medal winner has come to be regarded as a classic of historical fiction for young readers, written by one of America's most honored children's authors. I remember seeing a film based on this book when I was a grade-schooler, and the feelings of heartbreak and loneliness that I associated with that film were still on target when I read the book at age 40. It's an amazing, inspiring, exciting story, rich in discoveries about creatures of beauty and wildness and teeming variety; yet at the same time, it is a tale of deep melancholy whose ending may leave you wistful.

It is the story of a girl named Karana, whose people hunt the sea-life on and around their small, remote island in the Pacific. Most of the men in Karana's tribe are killed in a battle with Aleuts, led by a Russian furrier, who have tried to cheat the islanders after hunting the sea-otters around the island close to extinction. Later a ship sailed by white men, invited by their old chief, takes the surviving islanders off to their mission in California. By a strange twist of fate, Karana is left behind and must find a way to survive alone on the island until the white men come back for her.

Karana waits year after year. But she must do more than wait. She must hunt for her own food. She must defend herself against the wild dogs who have already killed her brother. She must make a shelter to protect herself and her food supply from scavengers, predators, and the harsh elements. She must make her own canoe, in spite of a shortage of wood for the job. She tries to sail for the next island to the east, over the horizon, but is lucky to make it back alive to where she began. As so many seasons pass that the young woman stops counting them, she finds ways to fill even deeper needs: the need for companionship, supplied by the animals on the island; the need for beauty, even though she has no one to share it with; the need to explore the mysteries and wonders on, around, and beneath her island.

This book is a powerful instrument of the imagination—not only demonstrating that its author had one, but stirring the reader's too. It makes all your senses aware of such (for most of us) faraway things as sea anemones, giant squid, otters, sea elephants, and cormorants. But here's a fact that will really get the wheels of your imagination turning: THIS BOOK IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY. The so-called Island of the Blue Dolphins actually exists, off the coast of California. Now called San Nicolas Island, it belongs to the U.S. Navy. The main character of this book is likewise based on a real person, variously known as "Juana Maria" or "the lone woman of San Nicolas Island," and she lived alone there for 18 years before being rescued, dying only a few weeks later at the Santa Barbara mission in California. Author O'Dell includes some information about her fate, and the archaeological discoveries regarding her long-vanished people, in an afterword to this book. If you can't wait for that, you can wiki it for yourself. And if you read this book and find yourself even more interested than you are now, behold: Scott O'Dell also wrote a sequel, titled Zia.

Hero's Song
by Edith Pattou
Recommended Ages: 12+

In this first book of the "Songs of Eirren" series, the world of Irish legends become accessible to American youth. This is no guarantee that American readers at any age will be ready to guess how to pronounce words given in their Gaelic spelling, which I find so baffling that English spelling seems intuitive beside it. Fortunately, there are only a few of these in this book. And so it is left to the sensuously depicted landscape, the quality of the characters, and the shape of the adventure to give this story that unmistakable Irish lilt.

Main character Collun does not think of himself as a hero. Far sooner than battle monsters with a sword, he would be up to his elbows in the soil of his garden in the far south of Eirren—the country we know as Ireland. But after his sister disappears during a visit to their city aunt, and his mother begins to waste away for grief, and the village idiot tells him it is time for him to go, Collun braces himself for adventure. His unloving, blacksmith father does him one last favor—forging his garden fork into a dagger—and pushes him out the door with nothing but a wallet full of herbs, a bit of food, and a sense of his own cowardice.

Soon enough, Collun's courage is tested when some grey-skinned, yellow-eyed creatures called morgs try to scrobble him. Though his performance is nothing to be proud of, Collun survives—partly thanks to the group of traveling companions he has begun to accumulate. There is, first of all, the aspiring bard Talisen, who can harp with the best of them, but yearns to learn how to write his own songs. Then there is Brie, a fiery archer who turns out to be a girl in disguise. Add a prince of the Ellyl (something like the "fair folk"), whose power comes in handy when he sees fit to use it, and Collun's fellowship is almost complete.

But now an evil queen from the north plans to invade Eirren, a queen who holds Collun's beloved sister hostage. And while the boy learns grim secrets about his true father—a hero fallen in more than one sense—and considers the purpose of the lucky stone his mother passed down him, Collun realizes that the most deadly monster is for him to face alone.

Collun is an easy hero to love, but the challenges he encounters in this story are anything but easy or painless. This is the tale of an ancient culture distilled down to one young man's personal quest for family, home, peace, and belonging. After he knows himself to be weak and afraid, he finds that he has no choice but to act strong and brave. And though the touch of evil leaves its mark on him, he remains good. With such an appealing character at its center, surrounded by such unfulfilled prospects of love and happiness, involved in such fleet-footed and magical adventures told in such a clear and direct way, this book can hardly miss the aim of making you eager to read its sequel, Fire Arrow.

Fire Arrow
by Edith Pattou
Recommended Ages: 12+

After the events of Hero's Song, hero's daughter and expert archer Brie, a.k.a. Breo-Saight, settles down for a little while with her friend Collun, as he takes possession of the stronghold of his hero father and begins to set its gardens in order. While Collun exerts on Brie a peaceable influence, she feels increasingly drawn back into her quest for revenge on the men who murdered her father in front of her. And so she parts from Collun and sets out alone. Returning to her own father's stronghold, now held by her uncle and aunt, Brie soon picks up the trail of an evil character connected somehow with her father's killers. Meanwhile, she also picks up a powerful magical talisman—the fire arrow for which she is named—which seems to lead her ever deeper into adventure.

Brie follows vague rumors and intuitions about her own ancestry to the small, isolated, northwestern kingdom of Dungal, where she soon makes new friends, learns a new language, and enters into a new way of life. But even amid the joys of living in an almost magically peaceful fishing village, a shadow of evil falls across Brie's path. Goat-men, sea monsters, and deadly figures from her past lurk just beyond the edge of her awareness, quick to attack her when her guard is down, or to harm those she has come to care about. A betrayer from within her own family threatens to conquer the gentle land of Dungal in the name of the evil sorceress who rules neighboring Scath. And the visions and powers that the fire-arrow bring may lead Brie either to save the land or to destroy herself.

This second book of "The Songs of Eirren" depicts a powerful female warrior from a remote age of Irish legend. It shows her in the tenderness of young love, in the warmth of friendship, in the confusion of conflicting desires, in the terror and wonder of battle against superior numbers and magical foes, in the doubt of an honest conscience, and in the courage of a noble heart. It is a story whose themes are drawn from many springs of folklore, while its characters breathe their own distinctive, memorable life—from a mad old sea-sorcerer who babbles nonsense songs while weaving spells of power, to a comically cowardly Ellyl (elf). It features a quaint wedding that will conjure fond echoes in the hearts of those who have read Ursula LeGuin's Earthsea chronicles (particularly The Farthest Shore). And it leaves behind a tantalizing hope that its author will yet return to the retelling of Irish lore, though she has not added to this series since 1997.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Minister Without Portfolio

I've been thinking about the fact that in some countries—mainly ones run by a Parliament headed by a Prime Minister—there is often a cabinet position known as Minister Without Portfolio.

So I asked myself: What could be the responsibilities of the Minister Without Portfolio? And I answered myself: Why, his only responsibility is to abstain from possessing a portfolio.

Then I asked myself: How does one measure the effectiveness of a Minister Without Portfolio? To which I answered myself: One should perform random, surprise searches of said Minister's office, and if at any time a portfolio is discovered in his possession, he is to be sacked at once.