Sunday, March 28, 2010

Blix You Might Miss

Today I am reading one of the Fablehaven books by Brandon Mull. Among the many magical concepts he has invented for this series is a nomenclature for different breeds of vampire, each with a name ending in -blix. For example, a narcoblix is the type of vampire who, once it has stung you with its venom, can control your body while you're asleep. A lectoblix, I have just learned, is a vampire that rejuvenates itself by sucking the youth out of other people.

I have some ideas for types of vampires that would fit into this schema. For example, a weetablix could be a vampire that magically sucks the milk out of your breakfast cereal. Imagine the horror of having to eat it totally dry! Then, perhaps, one might encounter a flicublix, which sucks the butane out of your cigarette lighter. Of course, that one might actually be beneficial to your health.

In a similar vein, suppose you met an icecublix, a fiend that lurks around take-away restaurants, draining the liquid out of your soft drink and leaving nothing but ice. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure I've been attacked by one, every time I visited Sonic. What can be more discouraging than paying a couple of bucks for a mouthful of limeade and a 20-ounce cup of crushed ice?

I'd also like to drive a stake through the heart of the rollerblix that is always draining the ink out of every pen in my desk drawer, including ones I recently bought. Then there's the tempusfugiblix, the little devil responsible for the way your day off always goes by too fast to get anything done; and, of course, the soxblix, which makes sure that fewer full pairs of socks come out of the dryer than went in.

I'm sure our society is plagued with specimens of the civiblix variety, who drain elected officials of their common sense, dignity, and commitment to the public good. This is almost as damaging to our nation as the rampant boobtublix, which drains many people's ability to concentrate on or think intelligently about anything that isn't displayed on the screen of a TV, computer, or handheld device.

1 comment:

Robbie F. said...

I can't believe I forgot to mention the RUBLIX - a vampire that sucks all meaningful witness to the gospel out of a church's worship life, leaving nothing but spiritual phoniness and emotional manipulation.