Platitudinarian Tackiness

The tacky ELCA church sign down the street recently declared: LAUGHTER IS THE HAND OF GOD ON THE SHOULDER OF THE WORLD. Since then I've been trying to think of the word for when He pinches the world on the buttocks.

Today, I saw another useful definition on the same sign: HOPE IS THE ABILITY TO HEAR THE MUSIC OF THE FUTURE. Hmm. I guess that clears up my confusion.

Seriously, does no one care that these definitions are perfect bunk? Can any sense be made of them by any amount of thought whatever? They sound pretty. When you drive by at 35 mph and catch them with the corner of your eye, you may even deem them profound. But on a literal level, they don't contain much meaning (I mean, who can literally hear the music of the future?). And on a deeper, theological level, they suggest things that are just plain wrong. Such as: "Humor is a means of grace." And: "Hope is a matter of having a good imagination."

While you're pondering these imponderables (or rather, inconceivables), check out this blog, which totally steals my thunder. [EDIT: OK, it's gone. But "Crummy Church Signs" was good while it lasted.]