Campaign Speech

Here is part of a comedy routine I've been working up for a while. It's based on the name of a city in Missouri, near St. Louis. Picture this campaign speech taking place under a banner reading "Des Peres Voters for Change":

CANDIDATE [addressing a crowd of voters]: I’ve been in Despair since six o’clock this morning...

AIDE [whispering desperately from 20 feet away]: It's Des Peres, you idiot!

CANDIDATE: ...and if you ask me, nothing could be better than to live in Despair. I would like to raise my children in Despair, and send them to the schools of Despair.

AIDE: Two silent esses!

CANDIDATE: My wife and I would go to work every morning in Despair, take an evening stroll in the streets of Despair, buy everything we need in the markets of Despair, and invest our earnings in the banks of Despair.

AIDE: Requiescat in pace...

CANDIDATE: If you vote for me, you can be sure I will represent the spirit of Despair. In fact, I will be the voice of Despair wherever I go. Despair will never leave my heart...

AIDE: I'm right there with you, brother.

CANDIATE: ...even if I should never be so lucky as to own a share of this city of Despair.