DUDE: That'll be me.
OFFICIAL: What can I help you with?
(DUDE unzips what appears to be a shaving kit and starts pulling out various spice jars and lining them up on the counter)
DUDE: I'd like to register these spices to vote.
OFFICIAL: You what? Surely you're not serious.
DUDE: Ain't I? I'm actually kind of ashamed I didn't get around to this in time for the last election cycle.
OFFICIAL: But how could you dream that this could be legal?
DUDE: If it's about the age requirement, they're old enough for sure. My goodness, I've had this jar of marjoram since the George W. Bush administration. And I'm pretty sure I inherited this canister of chili powder from my grandma.
OFFICIAL: I see. Well, there's a problem with that. You have to be a person to vote.
DUDE: Oh, these guys have personality all right. Terragon here is such a card! And oh, my goodness, cayenne is opinionated.
OFFICIAL: I mean a human person.
DUDE: So, like, Soylent Green is good enough, but not an honest fella from Indonesia like, say, nutmeg here? That smacks of racism if you ask me.
OFFICIAL: Now wait a minute, you can't just throw around accusations like that.
DUDE: Why not? What's wrong with being brown? Or green? Or ... what is this color, exactly? And it's not as if they still hold the flavor of their homeland, after all this time. They're quite assimilated.
OFFICIAL: It's a matter of citizenship. Being able to make a useful contribution to society, and all that.
DUDE: Useful? You want useful? These guys give flavor to life. They're the only reason I can choke down the cheap rubbish I can afford to bring home from the market. Also, I'm pretty sure turmeric is an over-the-counter medicine these days.
OFFICIAL: (squinting at the date on a jar of paprika) But look here, this stuff is expired.
DUDE: That hasn't stopped plenty of voters from getting registered!
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