This week the neighborhood Lutheran Shrine to St. Shecky, patron of tackiness on holy ground, says:
LOOKING FOR A LIFEGUARD
OURS WALKS ON WATER
Yabbut, this Lifeguard wants to drown you and then pull out of the water a new person. Unlike the kid who made headlines this past week by being fired for rescuing a swimmer who got in trouble outside the protected zone, this One's coverage area includes everybody... But in the process of saving you, He must be rejected and die, and then come to life again through no one's act of resuscitation but his own. Having been saved by Him, your whole life belongs to Him. And when He sends you to catch men, He does so with instructions that go against all your reason and experience—and a warning that no other method will work. Just so you know what comes with the "walking on water" trick...