Ways to Spot a Confessional Lutheran that You Won't Learn by Reading the Lutheran Confessions

Caveat #1: I kid because I love.
Caveat #2: I myself resemble many of these remarks.

• Wingtip shoes
• Serving scalloped potatoes at a funeral
• Singing the rhythmic version of "A Mighty Fortress"
• Roman-style clerical shirts (the "dot," not the "dog collar")
• Not taking Communion at church conferences (By now I must be in trouble with somebody!)
• Coffee that tastes like the inside of a tin can
• Ending the table prayer with "Let THY gifts to us be blessed"
• Saying "And with thy spirit" instead of "And also with you"
• Manischewitz
• Wondering whether communing twice in one month will cancel each other out
• Singing "Lift up your heads, ye mighty gates" to the Third Tune
• Always saying "quick" and "spake" even if "living" and "spoke" are printed in the book
• Ever, even once, saying the words "pastor loci." (I spent my first 6 months in the ministry wondering when I was going to meet this Pastor Lohtse and why he always seemed to be absent when circuit functions took place at his church.)
• Refusing to allow wedding marches by Wagner or Mendelssohn
• The pastor speaking and the congregation singing in response
• Reading the psalms responsively, half verse by half verse
• Knowing exactly which flag (American or Christian) should be on each side of the altar
• Pectoral crucifix tucked in shirt pocket
• Full set of Luther's works serving a mostly decorative purpose; full set of Lenski commentaries worn to tatters