Alice in Underland

Tonight I took in the new Tim Burton/Disney movie, Alice in Wonderland. It's not exactly a film adaptation of the Lewis Carroll classic. Actually it's kind of a sequel, showing Alice (Mia Wasikowska) approaching age 20, faced with the narrow range of choices open to a young lady in Victorian England, confused by a horse-faced bore's proposal of marriage, and plagued by what she regards as hallucinations straight out of the recurring dream she has had since childhood. So she runs away from it all, follows a waistcoated white rabbit (voiced by Michael Sheen, late of Frost/Nixon), falls down a rabbit hole, and gets caught up in a quest to save Underland (not Wonderland) from the Red Queen.

The characters she meets are an indiscriminate blend of those the younger Alice met both in Wonderland and through the looking-glass. The villain, for example, is a cross between the Queen of Hearts and the Red Queen (played by a big-headed Helena Bonham Carter), and her henchman is both a knight and a knave (played by Crispin Glover). The red queen's nemesis is quite simply the White Queen (Anne Hathaway in a blonde wig). She also meets a blue, hookah-smoking caterpillar (voiced by Alan Rickman), the Cheshire Cat (Stephen Fry), a talking dog (Timothy Spall), a dodo bird (Michael Gough), and most importantly the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp).

While we're having a cast-gasm, anyone who has seriously considered who would win in a duel between Gandalf and Dumbledore will be interested to note that Alice's father is played by Marton Csokas (lately Celeborn, Galadriel's significant other in The Lord of the Rings); the March Hare is voiced by the same Paul Whitehouse who played the equally mad Sir Cadogan in Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban; daffy Aunt Imogene is played by Frances de la Tour (Madame Maxime in Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire); the talking flowers are voiced by Imelda Staunton (Delores Umbridge in Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix); and of course, everyone will recognize the voice of the Jabberwocky as belonging to Christopher Lee (lately Saruman the wizard in LOTR). It's like a fantasy film franchise reunion here. And that's still not all the familiar faces in this flick - IMDB it yourself!

Anyway, in this sumptuously cast, part-live-action, part-CGI-animation twist on the classic nonsense tale, young Alice slowly works out that the world she has dreamed of since childhood is really there. And the denizens of that world slowly recognize that she is really "the" Alice, who is prophesied to wield the Vorpal Sword, slay the Jabberwocky, and restore the White Queen to her throne, which has been usurped by her grotesque sister who has roses for hair, valentine-shaped lips, and a habit of chirping "off with his/her head" as regularly as Grape Ape says his own name. (Full disclosure: Grape Ape does not appear in this film.)

Luckily, after the first seven minutes or so, no one is expecting this movie to be anything like a faithful adaptation of the nursery favorite. Instead, it's a joyfully bizarre, visionary adventure in a world full of danger and magic. The only bit I object to is the end, where Alice goes back to the real world with an anachronistically feminist outlook. Sorry, I read too many books from and about that time to believe that any girl in Alice's position could have thought, let alone said and done, what Alice does at the end of this movie -- nor, even if she had, been allowed to go on so doing. Not that it isn't a happy ending. It's just the type of happy ending that broadcasts what I consider to be the clearest message of this film: "Few people living today understand what the world was like before the late 19th century. The rest of us shouldn't even bother trying."

Two by Pope

Ramage & The Drumbeat
by Dudley Pope
Recommended Ages: 12+

No. 2 of the Lord Ramage Novels, originally published in 1967, continues the 18-book series of naval exploits of Nicholas Ramage, the anointed successor to Horatio Hornblower. In this adventure, our ideal young hero is given pretty clear orders: (1) Take command of the cutter Kathleen; (2) Convey an Italian count and marchesa (the latter being, by chance, Ramage's true love) to the British port of Gibraltar; (3) avoid risking the safety of these passengers if at all possible.

Nevertheless, Ramage puts a loose construction on these orders when he sees a Spanish frigate that has been dismasted by a sudden squall. With great daring, he captures the larger ship and takes it in tow. At first, fortune seems to favor the bold. But then things start to unravel. First, Ramage gets separated from his beloved Gianna. Then he and his crew are captured by a Spanish fleet. Held prisoner in Cartagena, Ramage joins several of his men in a masquerading as American sailors who are protected from conscription - a ruse that could get them hanged for espionage if their true British nationality is discovered. And since there's no sense risking the noose for spying without actually spying, they gather some important intelligence that must be passed on to the British fleet. And that means escaping.

By this point, Ramage & The Drumbeat has already delivered enough saltwater adventure to fill a satisfying novel. But when Ramage rejoins the fleet, the main event is still warming up. For the date is approaching 14 February 1797, and the place is the Atlantic off Cape St. Vincent, and a crucial naval battle in the war between Britain and Spain is about to take place. Admiral Jervis (later Lord St. Vincent) and Commodore Nelson command the stage. You're about to have front-row seats at an event that actually happened, a battle that helped make the era that we fans of Hornblower and Jack Aubrey love to relive. And, unsung by history but plain for your mind's eye to see, young Ramage and his cutter's crew have a pivotal role to play.

Dudley Pope puts us there with a high level of authenticity owing to his own experience as a sailor, war journalist, and naval historian. He rivets us with his depiction of a studly young officer and his keen eye for vivid description. And he lifts a historic battle off the flat page and with it crafts an exciting, hold-your-breath suspenseful account. Though some of the customs and quirks of naval service in the late 18th and early 19th century are hard to convert into the currency of modern experience, I think Mr. Pope offers an attractive rate of exchange. Whenever my fantasy life grows tired of tales of magic, this era is where it goes to refresh itself. I am grateful to Mr. Pope for opening a window on it.

Ramage & The Freebooters
by Dudley Pope
Recommended Ages: 12+

In the third of 18 "Lord Ramage Novels," naval historian and sometime sailor Dudley Pope draws us back to the year 1797, where a young Royal Navy lieutenant named Nicholas Ramage has been given a brig to command. His immediate challenge is to get the ship out of the Spithead roads, given that the entire British fleet anchored there has mutinied. Ramage manages it through sheer nerve and force of character, then proceeds to make a fine fighting crew out of a shipload of mutineers.

But this is only the beginning. Next Ramage has to cure his ship's surgeon of an all-but-terminal case of dipsomania; then he captures a French slave ship in a passage that vividly brings to life the 19th century controversy over slavery. And all that's before they get to the West Indies, where Ramage will face the biggest challenge of his career so far.

Grenada: the southernmost of the Windward Islands that sweep north from Venezuela between the Atlantic and the balmy Caribbean. Its colonial capital, St. George, is a major port in the molasses trade. Merchant schooners carry this liquid treasure to Martinique for transshipment and eventual passage to England. But lately, something has been happening to many of these schooners. They leave St. George all right; but they never arrive at Martinique.

Two captains senior to Ramage, commanding bigger shps, have tried and failed to solve this mystery. Now it's Ramage's turn - not so much because the local Admiral thinks he will succeed, as because he would make a handy scapegoat. But Ramage isn't as dumb as he looks (at least to the Admiral and his favorites). He'll crack the uncrackable case, even if it means using a merchantman as bait, out-snobbing an uppity colonial governor, making friends with a soldier who hates sailors, falling in love with a blackmail victim, getting blood on his hands, doing battle with the forces of evil magic, and allowing himself to be captured by privateers and taken to their lair.

The final battle, fought in the close quarters of a hidden lagoon and involving an unconventional use of firepower, calls for enough daring, danger, and delicate sailing maneuvers to make the whole book worthwhile. When it ends, you may have forgotten how long it took to get there, because at every stage it has been a swift and eventful journey. And if you've got boats on the brain, as I do, the thought of 15 further novels in this series will make you very happy indeed.

Greek Booze

A few days ago, I dined out at my favorite neighborhood restaurant, a Greek place called Ari's. While I was there, I decided once and for all to satisfy my curiosity about one of the signature drinks of Greek culture: ouzo.

I had heard of the "ouzo effect," but had never beheld it with my own eyes. I'm all for viewing wonders of nature, as long as they are drinkable and enlivened by the elixir of joy (i.e., alcohol). For example, I have long been fascinated by the principle that keeps the black beer on top of the tan beer in a glass of Black & Tan. Besides, I like how both colors taste. But the closest I had come to drinking ouzo was (forgive me) Jägermeister, an ethnically-themed liquor with a similar herbal flavor profile. I liked that drink well enough, so I figured ouzo would be safe to try.

Well, now I know better. Ouzo is actually quite dangerous, if you ask me. A body could get hooked on it if a body isn't careful. For one thing, there's the flavor with its hint of licorice: it goes down very easily. For another, there's the mysteriously cloudy appearance the drink takes on as soon as you mix the clear booze with equally clear water or even ice.

The reason for this effect is that ouzo contains an aromatic oil from some herb in the anise family, an oil that dissolves in alcohol but not in water. So, while the water readily dissolves the alcohol and the alochol holds the oil (called anethole) suspended in a stable solution, the water and the anethole duke it out on a molecular level. The result is a cloudy appearance, similar to an oil-in-water emulsion. It's the same thing that happens when absinthe drinkers pour water into their drink over that sugar-cube-on-a-slotted-spoon gizmo. And you thought the dissolving sugar had something to do with it!

Admittedly, the cloudy effect only enhances the danger of drinking ouzo while you still have enough neurons firing to register surprise at the mysteries of the universe. But then again, the drink's pleasant flavor is only dangerous while your tastebuds last. Drink with care, people!

During that same visit to Ari's, I noticed that they now offer a "Greek Martini," which contains two interesting flavors of organic vodka: one distilled directly from cucumbers, and the other based on tomatoes. On a later visit, yesterday in fact, I enjoyed a sample of the cucumber vodka. Then I ordered a Bloody Mary that contained the tomato vodka.

Yes, I realize that the Bloody Mary is a drink for momma's boys. In my case, that's a step-momma's boy. Nearly all of the Bloody Marys I have had in my adult life were drunk in the fellowship of my Dad and Stepmom. I've come to think of her whenever that drink comes up. And I'm used to the family recipe containing tomato juice, lime juice, Worcestershire and Tobasco sauces, salt and pepper, a mess of stuffed green olives, and celery salt (an addition that my Dad prefers to having a stalk of celery poke one in the eye as one raises the wrist).

Much as I like the family recipe, I was sold on Ari's Bloody Mary as soon as the bartender explained what was in it. It was really fun to watch the guy make it, too. When I discussed it with Dad later on, I admitted that a glass of the drink contained only tiny amounts of most of the ingredients. Dad wisely pointed out that most of the ingredients probably play little role in the actual flavor, other than the effect they have on your imagination as you think of them being in there. Nevertheless, because it's such an interesting recipe, I'm going to share it as it was shared with me - i.e. without any specific measurements or proportions, so be aware that you'll have to do a lot of experimentation to get it right. Have fun!

Ari's Bloody Mary Mix
A nice, dark beer
Fresh tomatoes
Onion juice
Olive juice
Sauerkraut juice
Tobasco sauce
Hot Wings sauce
Worcestershire sauce
A-1 steak sauce
Kosher salt
Pepper

First, let the beer stand in a glass overnight so that it goes completely flat. Then peel the tomatoes and crush them to a pulpy juice (I gather the seeds must be strained out). Add these ingredients, and small amounts of all the others, to an empty one-gallon juice jug. Screw the cap on and, as Ari's bartender says, "shake the $#!% out of it." Keep the jug in the fridge until it's needed. Then, pour it over a shot of tomato vodka on ice in a tall salt-rimmed glass, and stir.

Strangely, the version I served was not garnished with olives or celery, just a straw to stir it with. It had a nice zing that seared the surface of my tongue while, at the same time, delivering an interestingly nuanced flavor. There were a couple of moments when my nose picked up something unexpected as I leaned in for another sip - maybe even something just a bit "off" - but the next moment, my taste buds would say, "That's a Bloody Mary all right."

If I had to tinker with this recipe, I might eventually question whether the Hot Wings sauce and the A-1 really served any purpose not already covered by the Tobasco and Worcestershire, and whether a couple of olives and cocktail onions might not stand in for their respective juices. I might also debate amongst myself as to which form of celery (fresh or powdered) should be reintroduced to the recipe. I might also add a touch of clam juice - but I'm weird that way. The thing is, receipes like this are never settled. They are always a work in progress. Really there are countless ingredients you could try, and that some people may even consider essential. Once you begin experimenting, it only ends when you hang up your last stir-stick and salt your last rim...

B5 Season 3

Season 3 of Babylon 5, titled "Point of No Return," is the one with the opening voice-over saying: "The Babylon Project was our last, best hope for peace. It failed. But, in the Year of the Shadow War, it became something greater: our last, best hope… for victory. The year is 2260. The place: Babylon 5." Actually the year was from November 1995 to October 1996, and the place was a TV network that I never watched, because I can't remember having ever seen any of these episodes before my recent DVD marathon. It's too bad, really. I can picture myself, then at the end of my undergraduate career, being an avid follower of the show as it reached a major turning point.

For this is the year in which Babylon 5 took a stand against the darkness encroaching on earth and the rest of the galaxy. It's the year the station became an independent state, seceding from the Earth Alliance in protest against President Clark's totalitarian measures. It's the year that revealed ex-Captain Sinclair's destiny as a legendary Minbari hero, the year we first glimpsed the cruel fate of Londo and G'Kar as the future Centauri emperor and his one-eyed majordomo. It's the year Sheridan confronts his destiny on the Shadow world of Z'ha'dum, and in which the old Kosh dies and a new and nastier Kosh takes his place. It's a year of prophecies and portents, battles and betrayals, and Dr. Franklin's mystical "walkabout" following his detox from stim addiction. And finally, it's the year of a poignant gesture of goodwill between this franchise and its chief competitor, Star Trek.

"Matters of Honor" opens the season by introducing the regular character of Marcus Cole: a British-accented, Minbari-trained "Ranger," pictured here as played by Jason Carter. It also introduces the White Star, a new ship jointly developed by the Minbari and the Vorlons, and crewed by human and Minbari Rangers. The White Star, now at Sheridan's disposal, will prove to be a key weapon in the battle to push back the darkness that has been spreading across the galaxy. The Earthforce intelligence agent who visits B5 to investigate the shadow vessel (photographed by the late Warren Keffer at the end of Season 2) is played by Tucker Smallwood, whose other sci-fi roles include guest appearances on Star Trek: Voyager, Enterprise, Space: Above & Beyond, The X Files, and Millennium.

"Convictions" introduces the recurring character of Brother Theo, the prior of an order of monks devoted to recording all the names of God - including alien concepts of Him - and who support themselves by offering specialized services such as data analysis. Interestingly, Theo is played by the same Louis Turenne who originated the role of Draal, later played by John Schuck. The arrival of Brother Theo's monks is part of a mass pilgrimage to B5 in the wake of Kosh's public manifestation at the end of Season 2. Also on the menu is a series of bombings carried out by action film maven (and 3-time Trek guest) Patrick Kilpatrick. This plot puts Londo in the interesting position of owing his life to Lennier, and leads to an intense scene where Sheridan becomes the bomber's hostage. Rounding out the guest cast is Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa of Mortal Combat, etc., as the Earthforce security guy who leads the hunt for the bomber.

"A Day in the Strife" guest stars Stephen Macht, a fine actor with a distinguished television career, whose son happens to be movie star Gabriel Macht. The elder Macht had ongoing roles on Cagney & Lacey, One Life to Live, and General Hospital, and was considered for the role of Captain Picard on TNG. Here he dives into a sea of latex and emerges as Na'Far, the Centauri occupation's official Narn representative to B5. As G'Kar's most serious rival for leadership of the station's Narn population, Macht creates one of the series' most distinctive and memorable Narn characters. Accompanying Na'Far as his bodyguard is Ta'Lon (Marshall Teague), previously seen (but unnamed) in Season 2, and destined to take on a recurring role as one of G'Kar's most loyal followers. This is also the episode where Vir gets promoted as the Centauri ambassador to Minbar, where an alien probe threatens to destroy the station, and where Garibaldi attempts to intervene in Dr. Franklin's stim addiction. It's amazing how much they can pack into one hour!

"Passing through Gethsemane" continues Season 3's parade of top-shelf guest actors with Brad Dourif (late of Dune, The Lord of the Rings, and a recurring role on Voyager) playing Brother Edward, a member of Theo's monastic order. Edward is a tragic figure, unaware that his passion for community service is part of an artificial personality programmed into him. For before he became a monk, Brother Edward was the infamous Black Rose Killer, convicted of serial murder and sentenced to "death of personality" -- a telepathic mind-wipe, considered a humane alternative to capital punishment. Memories of his former life begin to resurface in a way that at first suggests Brother Edward is losing his mind. In reality, however, the brother of one of his victims has been setting him up. The outcome is a tear-jerking death scene and an eerie denouement in which Brother Theo gets another young novice...

"Voices of Authority" guest stars Playboy covergirl, mystery novelist, and longtime The Young and the Restless regular Shari Shattuck as the aggressive Julie Musante, the new Political Officer assigned to B5 by the increasingly Orwellian regime back home. I love the scene where, in a private meeting in Sheridan's quarters, Musante presents her naked body to him just as a holographic projection of Ivanova (long story) appears behind her. "You're about to go where everyone has gone before," Ivanova quips in one of the series' funniest digs at Star Trek. Having a "political officer" means doing a delicate dance to keep her from finding out about the command staff's increasing preparedness for a standoff against Earth. Meanwhile, Draal (John Schuck as the Minbari guy who serves as the "central brain" of the Great Machine on Epsilon 3) helps the Rangers track down the First Ones, holdovers from the last war against the Shadows. While her borderline-telepathic brain is plugged into the Great Machine, Ivanova uncovers crucial evidence that President Clark was involved in a conspiracy to assassinate his predecessor.

"Dust to Dust" is the episode where G'Kar gets high on a drug designed by PsiCorps to flush out latent telepaths. An illicit trade of this "dust" had messed up quite a few people on B5, where it is used either as an hallucinogen or as a weapon for mind-rape. Bester (Walter Koenig) comes aboard, allegedly to stop this dust traffic, but really to keep it out of the hands of aliens and in the hands of humans. One alien who buys the dust is G'Kar, who then uses it in a violent assault on Londo. Only a vision in which Kosh appears to him prevents G'Kar from finishing off his old nemesis. The episode ends with a spiritually transformed G'Kar turning himself in and cheerfully accepting a 60-day jail sentence for his crimes.

"Exogenesis" guest-stars the disgusting critter you see here. This is a member of the Vindrizi, a race of beings who burrow into their humanoid hosts and plug into their central nervous system. As Marcus and Stephen investigates the death of one host and the disappearance of another, they at first think -- understandably -- that the Vindrizi are parasites who take over people's bodies, like the creepy-crawlies in the first-season TNG episode "Conspiracy." Ultimately they turn out to be more like the Trill: symbiotes who restore their hosts to perfect health, and who give lost and hopeless people something to live for. The Vindrizi have been roaming the galaxy for thousands of years, passing on their memories to succeeding generations like an ongoing historical record. This is an unusual episode, with some really fun scenes including one in which Marcus, while looking for information on a vanished friend, single-handedly trashes a seedy bar and knocks out everybody in it. Marcus: "Oh, bugger! Now I have to wait until somebody wakes up!"

"Messages from Earth" is yet another episode in which someone comes aboard B5 carrying secrets that the Powers that Be (on Earth) would gladly kill them to keep. This time that someone is Dr. Mary Kirkish, played by Nancy Stafford (late of Matlock), who was part of an archaeological team that discovered a Shadow ship buried on Mars -- and witnessed the arrival of another Shadow ship to dig it out and fly off with it. Now, Kirkish says, another Shadow ship has been found on one of Jupiter's moons, and Earthforce plans to keep it, study it, use it as a weapon, and learn how to build more like it. Because Shadow ships contain organic technology, a human must be plugged into its nerve center before it can fly. Sheridan's White Star only arrives at Jupiter after someone has been plugged into the Shadow ship. That poor person, whoever he is, goes insane and starts shooting everyone in sight. The White Star saves the day by luring the Shadow ship down to crush depth in Jupiter's atmosphere. Then they have to execute an untried maneuver to escape from an Earthforce ship -- and all this while the station's Nightwatch (loyalty police) grows increasingly suspicious.

"Point of No Return" heals the schism between Babylon 5 and Star Trek by bringing on Majel Barrett, widow of Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, as a guest star. Here Barrett plays Lady Morella, the widow of the late Centauri Emperor Turhan, who also happens to be a seer. She honors Londo with a state visit to B5, though his real motive in inviting her is to wring a psychic reading out of her. She finally complies, confirming that Londo will be emperor... and so will Vir... one after the other's death. You can imagine the tension between Londo and Vir after they hear this. Meanwhile, orders come from Earth requiring that Nightwatch take over all security operations on B5. News from Earth grows increasingly grim as President Clark dissolves the Senate, declares martial law, and sends troops to crush all opposition. The media is curtailed, resistance fighters like Gen. Hague become fugitives, and the Earth civil war is on.

"Severed Dreams" won the 1997 Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation. It's an important episode in other ways as well. For example, this is the one where Delenn's "conspiracy of light" comes out in the open, and Sheridan announces B5's secession from the Earth Alliance and the deportation of the Nightwatch. The trigger for this decision is the news that Clark has ordered attacks on the civilian populations of Mars and Proxima 3. Military forces opposed to Pres. Clark have been destroyed except for one ship, the one formerly commanded by Gen. Hague (whose offscreen death resulted from actor Robert Foxworth being double-booked to appear on B5 and DS9 at the same time). Bruce McGill guest-stars as Major Ryan, who assumes command of the Alexander after Hague's death, and whose ship joins B5 in a desperate battle against an attacking Earthforce fleet. Meanwhile, Delenn tries to persuade the Minbari Grey Council to support the side of light in the war that has begun. She fails to do so, in part because the Grey Council's historic balance has been tipped in favor of the Warrior Caste. Delenn breaks up the council and musters a force from the Religious Caste, arriving at B5 just in time to force an imminently-victorious Earth fleet to back down.

"Ceremonies of Light and Dark" features the voice of sci-fi legend Harlan Ellison as "Sparky the Computer," an obnoxious personality program that asserts itself when Garibaldi resets the station's access codes. This storyline is merely comic relief for two much more serious plots. Plot A involves an attempt on Delenn's life by Nightwatch agents hiding out on the station. Her injuries prompt her friends, reluctant to particpate in yet another Minbari ritual, to visit her in the infirmary and deliver the gifts and secrets required by the "rebirth ceremony." What the B5 command staff gives up is their Earthforce uniforms, receiving cool new black duds tailored for them at Delenn's expense. Lennier's secret (confided to Marcus) is that he loves Delenn, though he knows she is destined for Sheridan. Plot B shows Londo becoming gravely concerned about his government's dealings with the Shadows. Having broken off his relationship with Morden, Londo is horrified to learn that Morden has formed an alliance with the ambitious Lord Refa. How far will he go to wean his world of that pernicious influence? As far, it seems, as threatening to poison his sometime friend and co-conspirator.

"Sic Transit Vir" is the episode where Vir meets his wife Lyndisty. Londo has arranged their union as a reward for Vir's valuable service on Minbar. Delicious beyond words is Vir's confusion at being adored by a beauty so far above him. The funniest line of the season, owing as much to Stephen Furst's spot-on delivery as to the words themselves, is: "If kisses could kill, that one would have flattened several small villages." Almost equally funny is the scene where Vir approaches Ivanova for advice on how to pleasure women. The relationship quickly grows more complicated, as Vir's abuse of his authority as emissary to Minbar (to establish an "underground railroad" for captive Narns) is exposed, while Lyndisty turns out to take an all but psychotic enjoyment from seeing Narns executed. This at least explains why Narns keep charging the couple, shouting "Murderer!" In the scene pictured above, Lyndisty is offering Vir a the life of a captured Narn as a wedding gift. Shudder! Unsurprisingly, the couple separates for the time being. Vir is recalled from Minbar, and Sheridan lends his face to the credentials of a fictitious Centauri named "Abrahamo Lincolni."

"A Late Delivery from Avalon" guest-stars Michael York as a new arrival on B5 who claims to be King Arthur, armed with Excalibur, and returned as promised at the hour of his people's greatest need. Seeing as figures from Earth history (such as Jack the Ripper) actually have turned up from time to time, having been abducted and preserved by the Vorlons, there at first seems to be a chance he's the real Arthur -- until Stephen shakes his head and says, "His British accent is too contemporary," and there goes that theory! Actually, "Arthur" turns out to be David McIntyre, gunnery officer of the Earth ship that so tragically botched first contact with the Minbari. Even though he wasn't responsible for the order to fire, "Arthur" is so traumatized with guilt for his role in starting the last war that he makes a mental break and begins gathering knights for a new Round Table. His first recruit, interestingly, is G'Kar. Once the roots of McIntyre's delusion are understood, Delenn convinces him that she is the "Lady of the Lake" and gets him to surrender Excalibur to her. This breaks the delusion, freeing McIntyre to join the Narn resistance and to organize a new order of chivalry.

"Ship of Tears" is the one where Bester proposes an alliance with Babylon 5. Bester believes that telepaths must fight the Shadows who are digging their tentacles into Earth. Instead, PsiCorps is working with the Shadows, butchering renegade telepaths to create half-human, half-machine control units for the Shadows' ships. One of the telepaths so altered is Bester's lover Carolyn. His devotion to her is one of the few signs of human frailty Bester ever shows -- the type of frailty that will eventually motivate him to betray his own people to their deaths so that he can, perhaps, save the woman he loves. This episode explains why there are no Narn telepaths. It introduces the Babylon 5's War Room and the cryo-lockers where 100 hellishly altered telepaths are kept on ice until a cure can be found. And it signals the beginning of open war with the Shadows.

"Interludes and Examinations" is the episode where Sheridan and Kosh come to blows (Kosh wins). It is the episode where Kosh and Sheridan argue over whether the Vorlons should join the fight against the Shadows (Sheridan wins). And it is the episode where Ambassador Kosh dies, cut down by Morden's insectoid Shadow associates. There's a moment of throat-clenching sadness in the line Sheridan's father says in a dream, just before Sheridan wakes up screaming Kosh's name: "As long as you're here, I'll always be here." Meanwhile, Londo is so excited about a return visit by his mistress, former exotic dancer Adira, that he snubs Mr. Morden. When Adira dies of poisoning and Londo believes his rival Lord Refa is to blame, he recruits Morden to help him get revenge. So ends the one brief remission in Londo's otherwise steady descent into darkness. Finally, this is the episode where Stephen admits that he is addicted to stims and resigns from the Medlab.

"War Without End" is the double episode guest-starring Michael O'Hare as once Captain, now Ambassador Sinclair. In the opening scene, "Entil'Zha" Sinclair (a.k.a. "Ranger One") is given a message, addressed to him by name, that Valen supposedly left for him a thousand years ago. Most interestingly, the message is written in Sinclair's own handwriting. Delenn gets a similar, corroborating message. Meanwhile, temporal disturbances are detected in the area where Babylon 4 disappeared, and later reappeared and disappeared again (see Season 1's "Babylon Squared"). Yes, B4 is back again! Sinclair, Sheridan, Ivanova, Marcus, Lennier, and a certain Zathras, one of the caretakers of the Great Machine on Epsilon 3 (again, see "Babylon Squared"), sneak aboard the station and prepare to time-jack it 1,000 years into the past, so that it can serve as a key base for the forces of light in the last war against the Shadows. If they fail, Babylon 5 will soon be destroyed. But the time-jackers have problems. The original crew of B4 is still (again?) making up their mind to evacuate the station before it vanishes. Zathras gets captured and mixed up in the events of "Babylon Squared." Sheridan becomes "unstuck" in time, vanishing and reappearing, catching glimpses of his future fate with Delenn, Londo, and G'Kar. Sinclair falls prey to a time anomaly that causes him to age rapidly, so that his only hope of survival is to go back in time with Babylon 4. In the end, they pull it off, and Sinclair enters the same type of chrysalis that turned Delenn half-human so that, when the forces of light reach B4 in the long-ago, it is not Sinclair but Valen who welcomes them...

"Walkabout" is the Aboriginal term for a type of vision quest on which Stephen embarks as he tries to overcome his addiction to stims. The theory is that if you walk far enough into the wilderness, you will eventually meet yourself. Then the two of you can sit down and have That Talk. In this episode, Stephen's walkabout takes him as far as a nightclub where he falls in love with a sultry singer, who then almost breaks his heart by asking him for drugs. Later he learns that she is terminally ill and only needs the drugs to control her pain. Meanwhile, on the theory that telepaths can jam the control systems of Shadow vessels, Sheridan takes Lyta Alexander on his next White Star run. G'Kar reveals that every alien culture has something similar to Swedish meatballs. More importantly, he drums up alien support for the Shadow war. And the new, but definitely not improved, Vorlon ambassador arrives, insisting on being called Kosh. I knew Kosh. Kosh was a friend of mine. And mister, you're no Kosh!

"Grey 17 Is Missing" involves Garibaldi in an eerie mystery, beginning with a maintenance crewman's disappearance. No sooner does he discover the existence of a hidden level in the Grey Sector than he becomes a prisoner in it. Robert Englund (lately Freddy Krueger in the "Nightmare on Elm Street" series and a regular cast member of the original "V") appears as the member of a fruity cult that dwells in Grey 17, waiting for the universe to reabsorb them - typically, through the intestines of a fierce alien creature called the Zarg. Meanwhile, Lennier worries that Neroon (of Minbar's Warrior Caste) may try to assassinate Delenn before she takes office as the new Ranger One. He passes on his concerns to Marcus Cole, who risks his life to stall Neroon while the ceremony takes place. Up to the moment when Garibaldi discovers Level 17, I liked this episode. After that, it went downhill faster than the US 4-man bobsleigh team at the Vancouver Olympics. I don't think I'm alone in believing that this episode was one of Season 3's weakest links. Worthy of note: Time Winters, who appears in this episode and "War Without End" as the Minbari Rathenn, also played one of the first-ever Cardassians on TNG.

"And the Rock Cried Out, No Hiding Place" is the episode where Londo finally deals with the Lord Refa problem. As a feat of Machiavellian treachery it is both chilling and (because the victim is Refa) enjoyable. The final act of Refa's comeuppance plays out on the Narn homeworld while, back on B5, an ecumenical congregation (including Brother Theo, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbi played by Erick Avari) jump and jive to the gospel song referenced in the episode's title. This is the episode where the White Star turns out to be not just one ship, but the prototype for an entire fleet. Plus, Delenn and Sheridan disclose their feelings toward each other as they work out the reason behind the Shadows' seemingly random battle tactics.

"Shadow Dancing" is the episode where Sheridan and his allies plan and execute a huge and costly battle against the Shadows. Stephen's "walkabout," toward recovery from his addiction, comes to a nearly fatal end when he is stabbed while trying to break up a fight. Only as he lies bleeding in the Downbelow does he meet himself and have That Talk. Delenn and Sheridan begin a series of Minbari rituals that will lead to their marriage, including the three nights the would-be-bride stays up watching the groom sleep. In the final moments of this episode, Delenn is gobsmacked by the appearance of Anna Sheridan, John's wife, who was presumed killed along with the rest of her science vessel's crew at Z'ha'dum (see Season 2's "In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum").

"Z'ha'dum" concludes the season by revealing what really happened to Anna Sheridan, here played by Melissa Gilbert (late of "Little House on the Prairie"). It also guest stars veteran character actor Jeff Corey (see TOS's third-season episode "The Cloud-Minders") as one of three human agents of the Shadows, together with Anna and Morden, who try to persuade Sheridan to see things from the Shadows' point of view. They view themselves as accessories to evolution, promoting the survival of the fittest by engineering wars that weed out weak races from among the starfaring folk of every age. They claim that the Vorlons, who represent the opposite ethic of nursing the younger races along through the application of order and discipline, have violated the "rules of engagement" established between their two races millennia ago. The whole Shadow war is just a big miunderstanding, they say. But Sheridan knows before he goes to Z'ha'dum that he will not survive the visit, and that the creature who appears to him in Anna's body is not the woman he married and mourned. Their negotiations end with Sheridan jumping into an all-but-bottomless pit while the White Star, armed with umpteen thousand megatons of Narn nukes, rams the main Shadow city. Back on Babylon 5, the White Star's detonation signals a retreat for Shadow forces surrounding the station. The folks at home are hit hard by rumors of Sheridan's death and Garibaldi's disappearance; the latter is last seen being swallowed, Starfury and all, by a Shadow ship. What a cliffhanger! What happens next? You'll have to wait for Season 4!

See also my review of Babylon 5 seasons one and two. For comparison purposes, see also my season-by-season reviews of Star Trek, including TOS seasons one, two, and three; of TNG seasons one, two, three, four, and five; and of DS9 seasons one, six, and seven.

Parable of the Sourdough

To what shall I compare the kingdom of God?

It is like unto a woman who kept a sourdough culture living in a jar on her kitchen counter. Twice every week she added flour to it and stirred it around. Once a week she took some of this dough and used it to bake wholesome, delicious bread for her family.

Now and then, one of this woman's friends would hear about the fresh bread she was making, and would voice an interest in starting a sourdough culture of her own. So the woman would set aside a portion of her dough, not to bake, but to give to her friend. Then the woman's friend would also begin adding flour to, and baking portions from, her own live sourdough culture.

Let him hear who has ears to hear.

My Interview with Diesel

Remember my review of Mercury Falls? Yeah? Well, I'm happy to say, author Rob Kroese, a.k.a. Diesel, didn't take it too badly. He's been kind enough to grant me an interview, in the usual Blogosphere way - via an exchange of emails. Even though I didn't get to talk with him in person, I can honestly say that, in our few brief exchanges, he made me laugh when I really needed it. So I trust you'll enjoy this delicately edited chat with one of the sharpest wits in the postmodern apocalyptic satire genre. Thanks, Diesel!

RF: What comfort can you give to those of us who are bummed about the decline of your hilarious blog Mattress Police? Are you planning a comeback? Is it true that you're going to turn your best posts into a book?

RK: Not only am I working on a book of my best posts; I’m actually working on three books of my best posts (in addition to MERCURY RISES, the sequel to Mercury Falls). The first collection is going to be called THE FORCE IS MIDDLING IN THIS ONE, and it should be available by May of this year.

A comeback of MP is unlikely. I’m kind of an obsessive person, and my phase of being obsessed with MP is over. MP was critical to my development as a writer, but I’m such a perfectionist that I prefer writing books that I can spend months working on rather than grinding out a couple of posts a week.

RF: The funny pages have Dilbert. TV has The Office. The web has Mattress Police. Are you picking up my hint as to which posts I think should go into your next book?

RK: I get the sense that you enjoy the anecdotes from my work life. That bad news (for you) is that my next book (THE FORCE IS MIDDLING IN THIS ONE) is going to be a random compilation of my best posts, leaving out most of the work-related ones. The good news is that after FORCE, I’m going to be doing a more autobiographical book that focuses on my experiences as a misfit in school and at the various companies where I’ve worked. The book is going to be called NOT LIVING UP TO MY POTENTIAL, and it will include all my Punta Gorda posts and a bunch of the work-related ones, such as “Human Inertia” and the ones about His Excellency Lord Monkeyhands.

RF: Rounded to the nearest .44%, what percentage of MERCURY FALLS is based on your work experience, only with angel wings airbrushed into the picture?

RK: Not that much, actually. The sad thing is that real life organizations are far worse than the way I painted Heaven and Hell in MERCURY FALLS. If I’d have used my work experience as a model, I think readers would just have been confused and frustrated.

It is true, though, that the “bureaucratic inertia paradox” that appears in the book was based on an actual experience of mine that I wrote about in my Human Inertia post. The company I was working for had proposed a policy where every project that I worked on would have to get approval from my boss, whom I called “Human Inertia.” At first I was appalled, because I knew that if my projects had to be approved by Human Inertia, I would never be able to get anything done. But then I realized that this new process would itself have to be approved by Human Inertia – and that would also never happen, because Human Inertia never did anything. Human Inertia was unable to fulfill his purpose of preventing any work from being done, because doing so would have required him to do some work himself.

RF: What happened to Humor-Blogs.com?

RK: I recently pulled the plug on that site. It kept getting hacked and it was just too much work to maintain.

RF: Was it my imagination, or does the teen warlock fandom depicted in your book a spoof on the Harry Potter phenomenon? What other influences went into it?

RK: It wasn’t your imagination, although it really was more of a spoof of teen fantasy books in general. Katie Midford was modeled after J.K. Rowling to some degree, but only superficially. For the record, I think Rowling is a good writer (although the Harry Potter movies are largely dreck). She’s certainly head and shoulders above Christopher Paolini and Stephanie Meyer. By the way, the true significance of the Charlie Nyx books will become evident in the sequel, MERCURY RISES.

RF: The early chapters of your book aim some pretty heavy guns at the whole side of American Christianity that's always following signs and prophecies of the imminent end. How much research went into this? How much of your personal, spiritual background is reflected in this material?

RK: I wouldn’t call what I did “research,” although I spent a lot of time on Google and Wikipedia. I did lead a study group at my church several years ago on Andrew Kuyvenhoven’s book The Day of Christ’s Return, but honestly the specific timetables of the rapture and the millennial reign and all that stuff never really interested me. The nice thing about that book is that Kuyvenhoven doesn’t really say that millennialists are wrong; he just says that they’re focusing on the wrong thing. A focus on timetables and things that are completely beyond our knowledge and understanding distracts us from what we’re really supposed to be doing with our lives. In MERCURY FALLS, that sort of wrongheaded thinking informs the character of Harry Giddings. Harry is a Christian and basically a decent guy, but in the end his priorities are screwed up, and you see where that gets him.

RF: Some of the same folks who think Harry Potter is satanic may eventually get around to condemning your book as well. How satisfying will that be? How would you respond, in advance, to their claim that MERCURY FALLS attacks their religion? What role do you think God will or won't play in the end of the world?

RK: My own mother-in-law sat me down and told me how disappointed she was that she wouldn’t be able to recommend MERCURY FALLS for the church library. I don’t really know how to start a discussion with someone who uses the church library as the benchmark for quality literature. Generally these arguments are a waste of time. Either you “get” the book or you don’t. My mother-in-law didn’t get it. At least she read it, though, so I have to give her props for that. Without boring you with my own theories on humor and truth, I’ll just say that I don’t think God has anything to fear from MERCURY FALLS. As for the end of the world, well, that’s not really my department. ;)

RF: Are you considering another book about Mercury and/or Christine? What is "Mercury Swings" about?

RK: “Mercury Swings” is a silly little short story that I wrote just to try out the idea of another adventure starring the angel Mercury. You can get it for free at Smashwords. Basically, it’s a prequel to MERCURY FALLS, in which Mercury is assigned to “extract” the Biblical character Enoch from Earth because, well, Enoch knows too much. I’m also about 150 pages into MERCURY RISES, the sequel to MERCURY FALLS. The contents of“Mercury Swings” may or may not be incorporated into MERCURY RISES (I haven’t decided yet).

RF: Apart from providing lots of comic material, how has your work in software development aided your growing career as a writer?

RK: Well, the main thing is that it provides me enough income that I don’t have to worry about the fact that I make basically nothing as a writer.

RF: I loved the caption contests on your blog. What is it that made your photo caption contests funnier than anyone else's?

RK: First, I have a lot of creative, intelligent readers who kept the bar pretty high every week with their captions. Beyond that, there’s the fact that I inserted myself into all the caption contest pictures, and I have no problem with making myself look like a complete idiot as long as it’s in the service of making people laugh.

RF: What books and music are you enjoying these days? Which artists have the most influence on what you do?

RK: A recent reviewer on Amazon said that the style of MERCURY FALLS was “somewhere between that of Kurt Vonnegut and Douglas Adams,” which is pretty much the highest possible praise in my mind. The great thing about Adams and Vonnegut is that they write with absolutely no pretense; they just plow ahead and tell the story. If Faulkner is a Cadillac Escalade, Vonnegut is a Porsche Carrera. As a software developer and philosophy student who values terse language that packs a big punch, I have little patience for flowery, evocative language. I just want a writer to take me for a ride. That’s what Vonnegut and Adams do, and that’s what I tried to do with MERCURY FALLS.

As for music, I’m in a weird glam/hair metal stage right now. I’m been listening to a lot of Whitesnake. My wife is concerned.

RF: How is self-publishing working out for you?

RK: Really, really well. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be published by a “real” publisher to be taken seriously as an author. Including Kindle sales, MERCURY FALLS has sold nearly 4,000 copies since it was released in October, and Barnes & Noble is now stocking it. MERCURY FALLS also has (at last count) 109 reviews on Amazon, with an average score of 4.8 out of 5. Traditional publishing is really on the skids.

RF: Where can my readers find your book for sale?

RK: Everywhere. Your local bookstore probably won’t have it, but they can order it. There are links to buy it in all different formats at this site.

Blowing Amy Kaiser's Mind

We of the St. Louis Symphony Chorus have had an unusual season. What with one thing and another, it wasn't until the last weekend of February that the full chorus got to sing. For me it was an extra-special delight: only my second time singing Mozart's Requiem, an exquisite musical confession of a dying genius's Catholic faith.

I previously sang this piece under the baton of SLSO music director David Robertson, in the original edition completed by Mozart's vastly inferior contemporary Franz Xaver Süssmayr after the former's untimely death. The Süssmayr version is the most widely known, though least skillful, of the many completions of Mozart's Requiem. Nevertheless it is a work of stirring beauty and spiritual power, made all the more remarkable by its imperfections, the poignancy of its incompleteness, and the never-to-be-resolved ambiguity as to how much is Mozart and how much Süssmayr.

This time, conducted by the Italian maestro Roberto Abbado, we sang a blend of several different performing editions, including the recent completions by Franz Beyer and Robert Levin, as well as some of Abbado's own revisions and a touch of Süssmayr as well. And though the grouchy conservative in me was occasionally set off by an unwarranted change (most notably in the choral bass part of the "Lachrymosa" and "Agnus Dei" movements), Abbado's version has a lot to be said for it. In the Sanctus-Benedictus, for example, Levin extended the twin fugues on the phrase "Osanna in excelsis," which in Süssmayr's version tend to sound rather abrupt; Levin, or somebody, also contrived a transition back to the first Osanna's key of D so that the second one would not end in the musically heterodox key of B-flat.

Working with Maestro Abbado was a lovely experience. Some guest conductors in the past have elicited great hostility from members of the chorus. I remember one who was sour-faced and rude all week long, another who (although otherwise charming) rejected every detail of how we had prepared a piece and subjected us to a frustrating week-long crash-course in singing it his way, and a third who in the last minutes of an otherwise wonderful rehearsal-week let loose in a tirade of irrational fury. Roberto Abbado, in total contrast, was unfailingly gracious and diplomatic. He never made a performance note sound like a criticism, and he always said something positive first.

I didn't notice that this was a stratagem until, after saying something complimentary, he let slip a remark like "That's what I say instead of what I want to say." In other words, he is absolutely aware of the character of touchy musicians and singers; he realizes what he has to lose by offending them; and he goes out of his way to keep them smiling inside and out. It may not have been altogether sincere, but Maestro Abbado's unfailing sweetness was one of the things that made our Mozart week a memorably harmonious (no pun intended) and pleasurable week of music-making.

The high point of the fun, for me, came during the conductor's piano rehearsal with the chorus, with our director Amy Kaiser sitting onstage. When Abbado explained some of what was going on in the structure of Mozart's music - some of his reasons for doubting the orthodox position on where Mozart ends and Süssmayr begins - his reasoning blew Amy's mind. It was especially fun when Abbado pointed out the similarity between the "Osanna" fugue subject and the main theme of the "Recordare" ensemble number. Amy covered her face and groaned: "I've never noticed that before!" Then she sang the respective phrases and observed that it was mindblowing but true: Mozart (and/or Süssmayr) wove thematic links through this Requiem in ways that go far deeper than the musical repetition of the opening Introit and Kyrie music in the concluding Communio.

The Osannas and the Recordare share a thematic shape not only with each other, but with other points in the piece, such as the twin fugues on "quam olim Abrahae promisisti et semini ejus" during the Offertorium section. This shows that Mozart connected the disparate ideas of these movements on a deeply meaningful level, and signified that connection through musical connections of such unsung genius that, even after decades in the symphony-chorus business, Amy Kaiser can still respond to them as to a mindblowing discovery. And if these connections reach across the line between the sections known to have been written by Mozart and those of which no sketches in Mozart's hand are extant - i.e. the Süssmayr sections - it raises fresh and (forgive me) mindblowing questions as to how far Mozart's involvement in the latter sections really reached. Maybe his instructions to Süssmayr were more detailed than anyone previously realized. Either that or, for one freak moment in his mediocre career, Süssmayr became a real though imperfect channel for a genius on the order of Mozart.

The SLSO and Chorus presented the Mozart-Süssmayr-Bayer-Levin (etc.) Requiem on February 26-27. Forgive the past tense, given the date stamp on this post; it's been hard to keep up with my blog over the past couple of weeks. The performances, as I was saying, were warmly received. The chorus received especially flattering notices in the local paper. And the quartet of young soloists were a pleasure to see and hear: soprano Celena Shafer (a last-minute replacement for another singer who bowed out due to illness, who nevertheless nailed her part dead-on), mezzo Marianna Pizzolato (whose voice has an amazing power of penetration, and who looks like someone who would be fun to know), tenor Alek Shrader (who looks like a frat boy but sings like a pro), and baritone Luca Pisaroni (who looks like someone who should be modeling tweed jackets, but whose powerful and accurate voice bodes for a brilliant singing career). I particularly enjoyed their blendalicious ensemble numbers, such as "Recordare" and "Tuba mirum" (though, to be sure, they didn't have a lot to sing besides). The latter piece also featured a very fine solo by one of three trombones (alto, tenor, and bass) which play a prominent role in this work.

And of course no review of a Mozart Reqiuem is comnplete without a few reverential words about the basset horns - basically, tenor clarinets in F - which contribute to the remarkable tone colors of this masterpiece. The whole work opens, for example, with a quartet of two bassoons and two basset horns, singing a lament of heart-wringing pathos over a sobbing accompaniment by the strings, until a dramatic flare-up of trombone-driven grief introduces the chorus's urgent plea that the Lord would "grant them eternal rest." Mozart picked an unusual ensemble of instruments for his last work, instruments suited for a work filled with the muted glow of twilight and, on the cusp between life and death, a struggle between the darkness of doubt and fear and between the light of faith and hope.

IMAGES: Mozart; Abbado; Shafer; Pizzolato; Shrader; Pisaroni.