The Song of the Quarkbeast

The Song of the Quarkbeast
by Jasper Fforde
Recommended Ages: 12+

Jennifer Strange is only 16, but she has a head on her shoulders. She'd better. Since the wizard she works for disappeared eight months ago, the former foundling is the de facto manager at Kazam – part talent agency, part retirement home, catering to a coterie of cracked sorcerers. Kazam has only one competitor in the Kingdom of Snodd (the area around Hereford in the Ununited Kingdoms), recently rebranded from Industrial Magic to iMagic and led by a sleaze named Blix who has just gotten himself appointed as the Royal Wizard. Blix is in cahoots with King Snodd and his chief advisor to turn magic, which powers all technology in their world, into a lucrative, government monopoly. Jennifer and the wizards at Kazam think magic should freely benefit everybody. So a challenge is thrown down: whichever house of wizards gets the farthest in rebuilding the collapsed bridge at the center of town will get to decide.

To make sure he wins, Blix pulls some dirty tricks. Between Kazam's wizards being jailed on trumped-up charges and a few of them getting turned to stone for their efforts to restore their home's magical battery to full use, Jennifer is pretty much down to one wizard – a youth who has only just passed his license exam – to put up against Blix's three-sorcerer team. She turns to everyone she can think of to help. The old crone who ran the home for foundlings where she grew up. The bitter ex-sorcerer who hasn't done a single spell since she was kidnapped in 1975. Even a daring, supersonic trip on a magic carpet to chase down a wizard's premonition of where her missing boss might momentarily appear – smack in the middle of a demilitarized zone patrolled by the kingdom's deadly enemy, the trolls. She must survive being scrobbled by the bad guys and imprisoned in a tower, face a contest of magic with the odds stacked against her – and mind you, she has no magical talent herself – and somehow save magic, and the kingdom, from a dastardly plot.

This is a fun book, set in a quirky world where utter weirdness is taken in stride. I haven't even figured out a way to describe the creature mentioned in its title, let alone the Transient Moose – a quasi-sentient simulacrum that somehow plays a pivotal role in this story. There's a bit of youthful romance in it. There's a stiff snort of sociopolitical satire in it – relating to the way upper classes, and especially royals, treat common people, and especially foundlings. There is a bizarre blend of fantasy world-building and modern technology in it, from Volkswagens to mobile phones (although the tech hasn't been working so well lately, due to magic being in decline). There are hilarious notions, such as light globes powered by sarcasm, and moments of breathtaking danger blended with whimsy, such as when a couple of troll sentries try to coax Jennifer out of hiding with "Here, person, person, person." There are fiendish plots, creepy curses, sweat-eliciting buildups of suspense and, running through it all, a nonstop flow of clever originality that can only be described as magical.

This is the sequel to The Last Dragonslayer, and I've been meaning to read it for something like 12 years. So remiss am I that I only lately discovered the series continues after it in The Eye of Zoltar and The Great Troll War. Jasper Fforde, whose name (I believe) is pronounced exactly like Ford, lives in Wales and is the author of many books I have read and some I have yet to get around to. I'm working on it. His titles include now eight "Thursday Next" novels (the most recent addition being Dark Reading Matter), the two "Nursery Crime" spinoffs, Shades of Grey and its recent sequel, Red Side Story, Early Riser and The Constant Rabbit. Three of these titles are already on my TBR pile.

Just One Damned Thing After Another

Just One Damned Thing After Another
by Jodi Taylor
Recommended Ages: 14+

Madeline Maxwell, a.k.a. Max, takes a demotion from Dr. Maxwell to Miss Maxwell when she goes to work for St. Mary's Institute of Historical Research. It's a secretive outfit that, she learns only after she signs on the dotted line, does its research "in contemporary time." Like, via time travel. Their pods run circles around TARDIS; for one thing, you can pick the exact coordinates in time and place where you want to materialize. More or less. There's still a lot of mapping to do, and there are risks. St. Mary's chews up historians and sometimes doesn't spit them out. But Max survives her first five years with the organization before a three-month study of the Cretaceous period takes a disastrous turn.

You'd think being stalked by velociraptors would be the biggest danger. But as Max finds out, her fellow man is just as deadly. Besides a traitor within St. Mary's, there also seems to be a rival outfit that doesn't bat an eye at tampering with history, so long as they can make a profit off of it. Despite Max's best efforts to protect St. Mary's independence from outside interference, another visit to the Cretaceous uncovers evidence that the enemy is cruelly exploiting dinosaurs for the entertainment of trigger-happy tourists. And their trigger-happiness isn't confined to exctinct reptiles.

Max perseveres through disaster after disaster, getting closer and closer to the center of the conflict between St. Mary's and the villainous Clive Ronan. It all comes to a head during a daring exploit to save what they can from the burning library of Alexandria. Her adventure is packed with danger, devastating loss, heartbreak and discouragement – but also sharp comedy, thrilling adventure and sexy romance. St. Mary's is packed with almost too many eccentric characters to keep track of, lampooning the types of characters many of us deal with among the departments of our real-world workplaces. And Max's narration, which is to say Taylor's writing, crackles with the kind of inventive wit that makes me want to quote it. Like:

He was built like a large brick shithouse. Two large brick shithouses actually. In fact he was so big it was possible he distorted time and space. He had his own gravitational pull, like a blond planet, and he'd fallen for Kal like a sperm whale failing to clear the Grand Canyon on a bicycle. He thought no one knew.

And:

We watched the show and then the disco started, so after shouting pointlessly at each other for a few minutes, we got up to dance. The usual thing hapened. Just as we arrived on the dance floor the good music stopped and they started with the smooch stuff.

I'll stop there, because if I go on, I'll give away the punchlines of a couple jokes that made me laugh loud and long. You wouldn't want that. So go read this book for yourself, and you're welcome.

This is the first novel in the soon-to-be-15-book series known as the Chronicles of St. Mary's. Among its sequels are A Symphony of Echoes, No Time Like the Past, What Could Possibly Go Wrong, An Argumentation of Historians, A Catalogue of Catastrophe and, coming in August 2027, Well, That Could Have Gone Better – all besides several short stories sprinkled throughout the series. Jodi Taylor is also the author of three "Frogmorton Farm" novels and its companion short stories, the quartet of "Elizabeth Cage" thrillers, six Time Police novels plus short stories (which apparently overlap with the St. Mary's series), a couple of "Smallhope and Pennyroyal" books (also related to time travel) and the historical novel A Bachelor Establishment, published under the name Isabella Barclay. If this isn't the first you've heard of her, you probably first ran across her under the rubric "readers who enjoy Jasper Fforde also buy..." Either way, you'll probably see more reviews of her books on this blog in time to come.

The Kaiju Preservation Society

The Kaiju Preservation Society
by John Scalzi
Recommended Ages: 14+

Jamie Gray goes into his six-month performance review at a tech startup with big ideas about how to improve the food delivery app, and comes out with a pink slip and an opportunity to become a delivery driver just as COVID-19 hits. It's a tough break, but luckily he runs into an acquaintance while making a delivery and gets offered a job. Lifting things. For an organization called KPS that protects large, endangered animals. The pay is good, so Jamie takes it. And then he's let in on the secret. The off-the-grid, foreign-country situation he'll be working in? It's a parallel earth. An earth with a warmer climate, a thicker atmosphere, and kaiju. Like, you know, Godzilla.

The Kaiju Preservation Society is what KPS stands for. And Jamie adjusts quickly from gosh-wow-sense-of-wonder to more than competent lifter of things who, with his group of newbies, soon becomes passionately committed to protecting Kaiju Earth's mountainous, nuclear-powered denizens. Despite the fact that said denizens, and their parasites and other critters down to insect-sized, would gladly eat a human being if they can. Jamie and friends have a few tricks to defend themselves, though. Like stun batons and monster pheromones.

They're there mainly to study the creatures, but now and then they also have to babysit tourists – mainly richie-rich investors, government and military officials – and one of the first group Jamie gets saddled with turns out to be the evil CEO who fired him. On a bet. This guy, Rob Sanders, tries to throw his weight (and money) around on Kaiju Earth and very nearly gets thrown to the parasites for his pains. But while he pretends to learn his lesson, he still has something up his sleeve that's going to turn the final act of this funny, fast-paced, intense novel into a life-or-death fight to save a momma kaiju and her brood.

This is my first time reading a book by Scalzi and I'll give him credit for making it a fun ride. His characters patter with wit and well-delineated personalities. They're smart, tough and recklessly brave, yet understandably scared at the same time. There are whole scenes that are so good, you'll want to find someone who'll let you read them aloud. (I read to my dad an early scene in which a doctor tells Jamie about the side effects of a series of vaccines.) I could complain about the left-wing politics that everything filters through – sometimes distracting to the point where I, for one, had to double back to understand the antecedent of a character's pronouns – but in the big picture, the only bone I really want to pick at is Scalzi's disinclination to describe.

When the kaiju appear, I yearned for a paragraph, a sentence, a phrase, a metaphor or simile, whatever, to suggest a mental image over and above the implied "you do know what a kaiju is, don't you?" Establish it for those of us who aren't plugged into your mental movie, Scalzi. Paint with words, just for a little bit! I psychically begged him on this, multiple times, but did he listen? No. He told what happened and reported what the characters said, which was (I admit) sufficiently entertaining to keep me turning the pages. But at the expense of slowing the pace just a sukoshi, he could have seeded the reader's imagination with, like, imagery. Just sayin'.

John Scalzi is the Hugo- and Locus-award-winning science fiction author of the seven-book "Old Man's War" series, the "Interdependency" trilogy (The Collapsing Empire, etc.), some "Dispatcher" mysteries, and the novels Agent to the Stars, The Android's Dream, Redshirts, Starter Villain, When the Moon Hits Your Eye (in which the moon turns into cheese), Constituent Service, Monsters of Ohio and End of All Things.

What's in Te Laudamus?—Part 4

My survey of the contents of Te Laudamus (TL) continues. The hymns are over. The next section, headed by Luther's "Christian Questions & Answers" (in preparation for the Sacrament) and a Cranach painting of the Last Supper, is the Divine Service. Not three settings. Not five. Not eleven (cf. ELW). One setting, the Healey Willan one (here starting on p. 324). No surprise if you know Dean Reuning, among the editors, whom I've personally heard play this Mass setting at a swift tempo. I gather he's a proponent of it. The service opens with a corporate confession and absolution, essentially as taken from TLH's pp. 5 and 15 or LSB's Divine Service 3. The Service of the Word begins with six Gregorian chant settings of the Gloria Patri ("Glory be to the Father and to the Son," etc.), both in the modern-language "and will be forever" and the traditional "world without end" form. Different tones are assigned to different seasons of the church year, starting for some reason with Trinity I-IX. I guess they're given in order of the numerical designation of each tone. So, look first, then leap.

On the next two pages, you get a choice between a threefold and a ninefold Kyrie ("Lord have mercy upon us," etc.), each with a written-out organ intonation and (again) a choice between singing it in Greek or in English. A two-plus-page setting of the Goria in Excelsis ("Glory be to God on high," etc.) begins with that first phrase pointed for the celebrant to chant. The chant notes for the Saluation and the "Let us pray" and "Amen" bookending the Collect for the Day are very simple—Gs all the way across. The "This is the Word of the Lord" / "Thanks be to God" responses at the end of the first two readings are also quite simple and familiar to Lutheran liturgy watchers. Lessons, graduals, Alleluia verses or tracts are indicated with references to the propers, which (I rejoice to see, after 20 years of enduring LSB) are actually in the pew book, within the page range 368-461. Again there are five different chant tones designated for the Alleluias depending on season. Gospel acclamations are also chanted to very simple musical cues.

Moving on to p. 334, we find the Nicene Creed given as the presumptive creed for the service, which in turn indicates a presumption of weekly communion. The alternative option, in red rubrics (if you'll forgive the tautology), is to sing the Creed to Willan's setting of the plainsong melody back in hymn 236. Certain phrases of the Creed ("and was incarnate..." and "is worshiped and glorified") are italicized, suggesting, I think, that you bow your head during those bits, and the sign of the cross is suggested at "life of the world to come."

After the hymn of the day and the sermon, the service suggests singing the offertory ("Create in me a clean heart") either immediately after the sermon or while offerings are being brought forward. The prayer of the church indicates the responses "Let us pray to the Lord" / "Lord have mercy" after each bid, concluding (p. 336) with a paragraph-long eucharistic prayer. Then the Service of the Sacrament commences with the Preface, all chanted, with the pastor taking rather familiar notes and the congregation responding with phrases a bit more elaborate than I am accustomed to playing out of TLH, LW or LSB. The "It is truly meet, right, and salutary" bit indicates that the Proper Preface be inserted, again, from the propers later in the book. Then you get Willan's quite attractive setting of the Sanctus ("Holy, holy, holy"). The Lord's Prayer is started by the pastor saying "Our Father" and all joining in from there; the traditional text all Protestants used to be able to say in unison until updated-language hymnals started splintering us into innumerable sects. A page reference is also given for an option to chant the Lord's Prayer, toward the end of the book.

"The Words of Christ's Testament (Verba)" follow, fully pointed for chant according to the instructions Luther notated in his liturgical writings. It's followed by the "Pax Domini" ("The peace of the Lord ..." / "Amen"), the Agnus Dei ("O Christ, Thou Lamb of God") and the distribution of the Sacrament, then the Nunc Dimittis ("Lord, now lettest Thou Thy servant," etc.), the chanted post-communion thanksgiving, two choices of collect and Amen, concluding salutation ("The Lord be with you" / "And with thy spirit"), Benedicamus ("Bless we the Lord" / "Thanks be to God") and Benedicition ("The Lord bless you ...") with threefold Amen. So, basically, it's point-by-point exactly like the Communion liturgy in TLH, LW's Divine Service 1, LSB's DS 3 and so on, only with different melodies thanks to Willan.

Then you get a woodcut. And a new section, The Propers, headed by a painting of St. Alcuin of York, apropos of I know not what. And some notes (p. 348) on the organization of the propers and chanting instructions. I think families and congregations thinking about starting to use this book will be well served by starting here and attentively going over these notes and instructions. And then, one service at a time from the First Sunday in Advent, some of them subheaded by their Latin names such as "Ad Te Levavi" for Advent 1. Each set of propers has a specifically notated chant tone for the Introit, Gradual and Alleluia, and also gives the full Collect for the Day, lists the lessons and gives hymn choices for each day.

It's a one-year lectionary series, of course. Here are some interesting signposts along the way. Epiphany is given as Jan. 6, then the First Sunday After the Epiphany follows with the gospel lesson from Luke 2, the Boy Jesus in the temple; then propers for the Baptism of our Lord, with no preference toward it vs. the previous propers. I guess you can pick between them, or even use both in separate services. For the Fourth and Fifth Sundays After Epiphany, Introits, Graduals and Alleluias are indicated "as for the Third Sunday after the Epiphany." Also, The Presentation of our Lord and the Purification of Mary (Feb. 2) is interpolated after Epiphany 4. Epiphany 6 is identified as Transfiguration with a rubric saying it's customary to use these propers on the last Sunday after Epiphany except when there is only one such Sunday. Then you get the Pre-Lent Sundays—Septuagesima, Sexagesima and Quinquagesima—which folks accustomed to a three-year lectionary may have forgotten about amid longer Epiphany seasons and later Transfiguration Sundays. Then Ash Wednesday, the Sundays in Lent with their Latin titles, the Annunciation (March 25) interpolated after Lent 4, propers for Maundy Thursday and Good Friday as well as a Holy Saturday specifically desingated for the Office of Matins. This includes a long canticle, the Song of Hezekiah from Isaiah 38, and a reference to the Litany later in the book. Easter services include propers for Easter Dawn, Easter Day, Easter Evenng/Easter Monday and Easter Tuesday, before continuing with Sundays After Easter by number and Latin subtitle. Ascension comes after the fifth of these six Sundays.

Pentecost gets its old-fashioned name, Whitsunday back, followed by propers for Pentecost Evening/Whitsun Monday, Whitsun Tuesday and the Feast of Holy Trinity, and then it's Sundays after Trinity numbered from one to five. Next we get the Nativity of St. John the Baptist (June 24), SS Peter & Paul (June 29), and the Visitation (July 2) before the numbered Sundays resume with 6-18. The next interruption is for St. Michael and All Angels (Sept. 29), then Trinity 19-23, then the Reformation (Oct. 31), All Saints' Day (Nov. 1), then Trinity 24 ff. with 25-27 subtitled as the third-last, second-last and last Sunday of the church year. Propers conclude with a day of national thanksgiving, followed by a table of Psalms for Sundays, weekdays and principal feasts (pp. 461f) and a tiny woodcut of David at prayer.

The next major section of the book, then, is Matins, opening with a full-page painting of the Annunciation. The book credits the setting of this morning prayer office to a 1589 prayer book by Matthäus Ludecus, with organ intonations, unaccompanied chanting by the liturgist and harmonized responses for the congregation. The Alleluia after the Gloria Patri can be replaced by a "Praise to You, O Christ" dealie from Septuagesima to Passiontide. Proper invitatories (the antiphon framing the Venite/Psalm 95) are actually laid out on the page under the chant tone. It's a Gregorian tone, don't you know, sung responsorially between the liturgist and the congregation. Chanting continues with, for example, responsories for different seasons, set to more elaborate music than in LSB (another challenge you'll have to carefully prepare your congregation to get over), with seasonal options going on for several pages. After the sermon comes Luther's paraphrase of the Te Deum, actually the first thing I am truly thrilled to see (as opposed to just generally pleased) because no Missouri Synod hymnbook, outside of a 1970s worship supplement, has ever included Luther's Te Deum ("Lord God, Thy praise we sing") and this has frustrated me since time out of mind. As an alternative, there's also a chant setting of the Benedictus (Song of Zechariah). The office continues with a chanted Kyrie, spoken Lord's Prayer and Apostles' Creed (with the option to chant them on the pitch G), collects, versicle, the concluding Collect for Grace, Benedicamus and Benediction ("The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ..."). As an appendix, the Matins office concludes with Willan's setting of the Te Deum, a through-composed piece that goes on for eight pages; similar modern settings can be found in LW and LSB.

Vespers (the evening prayer office, again per Ludecus) begins on p. 490 with the Bidding Prayer, traditionally prayed on Good Friday, followed by a painting of Noah's Ark from what looks like an illuminated manuscript. It's similar to Matins but without the Venite or anything in place of it. The canticle is a choice of the Magnificat (Song of Mary) or the Nunc Dimittis (Song of Simeon), set to Gregorian tones with full harmony. After this service comes the Litany on p. 505, pointed to be sung responsorially. And the last page before the Appendix is another color picture, David tuning his harp.

Appendices: p. 518 is an "ektenia" prayer of the church. Pages 519-521 give us the proper prefaces for Communion, with space at the end for a depiction and explanation of the Luther rose. Page 522 presents handbell settings for the chant tones used with the propers. The next two pages provide modern and traditional accompaniments for the Gloria Patri chants set to all those tones. Then there are two pages of copyrights and acknowledgements in fine print, and a note from the publisher.

Indices: p. 528 starts an index of composers, authors and translators, alphabetical by last name. Page 530 is an index of artists and artwork. Page 531 is a hymn-of-the-day index. Hymn tunes are indexed alphabetically on pp. 532-33, then hymn titles on pp. 533-35, and finally historic collects and prayers at the bottom of p. 535 and that, dear reader, is the book.

Question answered. New question: What shall we do with this book? More than any other hymnal I have reviewed so far – including ELDoNA's book as well as the Reclaim project – I'd be keen to see congregations, Protes'tant Conference or not, give serious consideration to using this book. I'm not necessarily admonishing anyone to pitch out the hymnal they're currently using and replace it with this. But it would at least serve well alongside the other book, used in alternation with it or as a supplement to it. Families who are seriously into hymns and liturgy, and I know several of them so don't tell me there's no such thing, should get enough copies of this book for everybody in the household and use it for home devotions. Private persons who are away from family, say, on a secular campus or even at a sectarian school whose campus chapel has gone flaky, should take this book into their closet with them and maybe, if they can interest someone in joining them, start a pirate chapel in a dorm lounge, a stairwell, a student union, a dining room, a collaborative learning space or a practice room in the music department. Get some music learners working on the hymns, the Healey Willan Mass and Luther's Te Deum. Try it out, introduce it with care, talk about it and then decide.

Meanwhile, if your congregation is using Reclaim, or Evangelical Lutheran Worship and its supplements, or Christian Worship: A Hymnal, or This Far by Faith, or the Ambassador Hymnal, for a few examples, and asking them to look at this book as a possible supplement if not replacement gets you ejected from fellowship, so be it. Shake the dust off your feet and start your own church around this book, perhaps with an additional resource like ELH or LSB. Or if the same premise holds but the result is they're interested and your suggestion takes hold, work patiently toward the day when those other books can be loaded into a rollaway recycling container and, you know. Rolled away. † The peace of the Lord be with you.

EDIT: I've discussed this with a fellow pastor and taken his comments into consideration and I'll grant him this: If a pastor decides to plant his flag on this hill, he will die on it. Your ministry won't survive without putting more weight in the balances of hymn selection on what modern congregations are accustomed to singing. So I want to underscore once again that I would only advocate using this hymnal as a supplement to another hymnal and introducing the musically challenging, rhythmic chorales and chant music gradually and with great care. My friend is of the opinion that this book and its type of thing are mostly of value as historical documents. Except that he would love to find a way to introduce the Willan Mass to his congregation. I won't identify him any further except to hint that his church body's primary hymnal already has the Luther Te Deum in it.

DCC The Graphic Novel, Vol. 1

Dungeon Crawler Carl: The Graphic Novel, Vol. 1
by Matt Dinniman, Tevagah et al
Recommended Ages: 15+

I'm not even sure how to list the author credits on this one. The front cover lists Matt Dinniman, Laurel Pursuit, Tevagah and Aethon in that order, but in the same font, style and size, like equal contributors. But I'm not sure they're all human persons. Based on an inside credits page, Aethon seems to be a publishing company and Laurel Pursuit is a webtoon studio (i.e. a team of artists), while Tevagah seems to be a writer from Australia. And of course, the graphic novel credits Dinniman as "creator," as this manga-style production is based substantially on the first few chapters of his novel, Dungeon Crawler Carl. I guess this book is more or less a bound volume of chapters skimmed off the top of a webtoon, and if it suffers from anything it's a page format that makes some of the lettering (particularly of in-game dialog boxes) eye-strainingly small. I spent a frustrating amount of time holding this book up to a strong source of light and squinting to read bits of it, unhelped by low-contrast color choices.

As for the story, I've already reviewed that. Vol. 1 gets through only the first "13 chapters" of the webtoon, which I reckon is somewhere around a third of the first book in Dinniman's series, based on the fact that Vols. 2 and 3 exist. Since it's only been a few weeks since I read the book, my recall is fairly fresh but as always imperfect. I have no complaints about how the story is depicted. The characters, especially of Carl and his feline partner, Princess Donut, are portrayed in a fun way. The design is energetic and attractive, delivering the dramatic impact of the book in a visual form. I would definitely recommend reading the novel first, though, because then your idea of what Carl, Donut and everything around them look like will be your own. As an interpretation, however, I think it works well.

What else is there to say, except read the book as your main course and, if you like it, have this graphic novel for dessert? Apparently there's an audiobook of it narrated by Jeff Hays, who is also going to voice Donut in an upcoming TV series based on the books, co-written by Christopher Yost of Cowboy Bebop fame. I don't know how far along it is in development, but Hays is the only cast member listed so far on imdb. It could be years before we see anything come of it. So, for now, hit the books, baby! With eyeball lasers and the whole biz!

What's in Te Laudamus?—Part 3

Further to Part 1 and Part 2, we resume our survey of the hymns in Te Laudamus (TL, and other abbreviations previously used continue to apply) with Hymn 295.

Praise & Thanksgiving hymns, 295-303, begin with the usual color painting, this one depicting David leading a celestial orchestra with a harp, and a historic collect for Thanksgiving.

• "I will sing my Maker's praises" is by Gerhardt, set to Johann Schop's chorale, SOLLT ICH MEINEM GOTT. Its 12 stanzas sprawl across four pages, with 6-12 on the second spread lying under the bare melody.
• "All ye who on this earth do dwell," again by Gerhardt, is translated by Alfred Ramsey and set to Crüger's tune NUN DANKET ALL (see also "Come, let us join our cheerful songs").
• "Thou whose glory none can see" by Franzmann is set to Reuning's tune ST. BARBARA, which I take it he named after his dear wife. It's a very serious tune in a traditional style.
• "My soul, now bless thy Maker" by Johann Gramann, translation Winkworth with a supplemental stanza by Carver, is set to its own chorale, NUN LOB, MEIN SEEL.
• "Now thank we all our God" by Martin Rinckart, translation Winkworth, is set to Crüger's tune NUN DANKET ALLE GOTT.
• "O fearful place" by Franzmann is set to Ralph Vaughan Willimas' ironically named tune SINE NOMINE ("For all the saints"). TL subsections it "Church Anniversary."
• "The Lord hath helped me hitherto," by Ämelie Juliane von Schwarzburg-Rudolstadt, translation Crull, is set to Nikolaus Decius' tune ALLEIN GOTT IN DER HÖH ("All glory be to God on high"). I've missed this hymn with its "henceforths" and "hithertos" since TLH; though a different translation of it was in LW as "God brought me to this time and place." LSB dropped it entirely. It was a hymn I made good use of when I was a pastor, so it's nice to see it on the return. Ish. A woodcut of Zacchaeus climbing a tree to see and hear Jesus follows it.
• "O Lord, I sing with lips and heart" by Gerhardt, translation Kelly, is set to Praetorius' IN BETHLEHEM EIN KINDELEIN, which I think is new to me, with the bare melody repeated over stanzas 7-12 on the facing page.
• "Rejoice, my heart, be glad and sing" by Gerhardt, again via Kelly, is set to the chorale ICH SINGE DIR. A note at the top of both it and the previous hymn explains that they were originally one, 16-stanza hymn.

Morning hymns, 304-313, begin with a Cranach-the-Elder painting of the creation of the world, from the 1534 edition of Luther's Bible, and Luther's morning prayer from the Small Catehcism.

• "Awake, my heart, be singing" by Gerhardt is translated partly by Carver and partly by Kelly and set to Crüger's tune NUN LASST UNS GOTT ("Now let us come before Him"). Stanzas 6-10 lie under a repeat of the melody on the second side of the spread.
• "God, who madest earth and heaven," words and melody (GOTT DES HIMMELS) by Heinrich Albert, is translated by Winkworth.
• "I thank Thee, Lord, for keeping" by Johann Kolross, translation Carver, is set to the rhythmic chorale LOB GOTT GETROST a.k.a. ICH DANK DIR, LIEBER HERRE.
• "My inmost heart now raises" is by Georg Nigidius, a.k.a. Niege, translation Winkworth except one stanza by Cronenwett, with "alt." everywhere. The tune is AUS MEINES HERZENS GRUNDE.
• "O Splendor of God's glory bright" by St. Ambrose is a two-tune celebration, with Nikolaus Herman's tune O HEILIGE DREIFALTIGKEIT ("O blessed Holy Trinity") on the left, alternating with the exceptionally lovely plainsong SPLENDOR PATERNAE GLORIAE on the right. And as always, the whole hymn many be sung to either tune. I'm thrilled to see it uncut after LSB abridged it, having once gone to the trouble of memorizing all nine stanzas.
• "Praise God, the day is here at last" by Selnecker, translation carver, is set to OLD HUNDREDTH (cf. "Praise God, from whom all blessings flow"). The stanzas are split into what appears to be a two-tune celebration, but actually both tunes are OLD HUNDREDTH, only the one on the right side of the spread has the melody in the tenor line and a descant on top, courtesy of John Dowland.
• "The wingeld herald of the day" by Prudentius, translation Neale, is in fact a two-tune celebration with Crüger's tune LOB SEI DEM ALLMÄCHTIGEN GOTT ("Great God, a blessing from your throne" in LBW; "O Paschal Feast, what joy is thine" in Service Book and Hymnal). On the right is the plainsong CONDITOR ALME SIDERUM ("Creator of the starry height").
• "While yet the morn is breaking" is by Johannes Mühlmann, translation mainly Winkworth, set to Bartholomäus Gesius' tune GEDULT, DIE SOLLN WIR HABEN (paired with this hymn in TLH and the preceeding Ev. Lutheran Hymn-Book).
• "O heavenly Word, eternal light," subsectioned "Advent," is translated from Latin by Neale and set to the chorale ACH BLEIB BEI UNS ("Lord Jesus Christ, with us abide"). The entire hymn is repeated on the facing page with the plainchant VERBUM SUPERNUM PRODIENS ("O saving Victim, openng wide" in SBH), as either an alternate tune or (the end-note suggests) some kind of celebration; though no attempt has been made to divide the stanzas between the two, in this case.
• "The radiant sun shines in the skies" is by Herman, set to Vulpius' tune DIE HELLE SONN LEUCHT, which LBW and LW used with "God loved the world so that He gave."

Evening hymns, 314-322, bring us a painting of the supper at Emmaus and Luther's evening prayer. Then:

• "My soul doth magnify the Lord," a versification of the magnificat translated by J.T. Mueller, is set to Gibbons' SONG 34 (used with this hymn in LW).
• "The sun's last beam of light is gone" by Herman is set to Vulpius' HINUNTER IST DER SONNEN SCHEIN, seen earlier in the book.
• "I thank Thee, God, whose loving way" by Heermann, translation Carver, is set to HEUT TRIUMPHIERET, also seen earlier. The melody line is repeated on the third page over stanzas 6-10.
• "Creator of the stars of night," translation Neale from the Latin, is set to CONDITOR ALME SIDERUM and subsectioned "Advent."
• "Now rest beneath night's shadow," Gerhardt via Winkworth, is set to Heinrich Isaac's O WELT, ICH MUSS DICH LASSEN, a.k.a. INNSBRUCK (ich muss dich lassen).
• "O Christ, who art the light and day," translated by William John Copeland, is set to its own tune, CHRISTE, DER DU BIST TAG UND LICHT, traced back to a 7th century Latin hymn. Stanzas 6-7 are laid under the melody on the facing page, and the entire hymn is repeated on the next spread with the alternate tune CHRISTE, QUI LUX ES ET DIES, evidently a more ornate, closer-to-the-original-plainsong version of the first tune. So again, either a celebration or an alternate-tune situation.
• "O God, be with us" is mostly by Petrus Herbert, translation Winkworth, set to Petrus Nigidius' tune DIE NACHT IST KOMMEN, which I thought was one of the harder tunes in TLH. But there are a lot of rhythmic chorales in this book, so it'll be good practice.
• "Sink not yet, my soul, to slumber" is by Johann Rist, translation Winkworth, set to the isometric version of Schop's WERDE MUNTER (as in "Jesu, Joy of man's desiring"). The book heroically squeezes all 11 stanzas onto a single, two-page spread.
• Hymn 322 is an interesting case: two translations of the same hymn, placed side by side as a potential celebration. On the left is Luther's "Thou who art Three in unity," from St. Ambrose's Latin, translation Massie, set to the chorale DER DU BIST DREI IN EINIGKEIT. On the right is Neale's version of Ambrose, set to the former's apparent plainsong parent, O LUX BEATA TRINITAS. Personally, I like the choice between the two translations, but I'm not sure why I would make a congregation learn O LUX when DER DU BIST is right there.

And that, chickens, is it for the hymns in TL. Next time we'll tackle the remainder of the book, mainly liturgy. Less of it than you might imagine! But on that, more to come.

Carl's Doomsday Scenario

Carl's Doomsday Scenario
by Matt Dinniman
Recommended Ages: 15+

In this first sequel to Dungeon Crawler Carl, a man and his cat continue to become a galactic social media sensation as they struggle to survive a live, planetwide Dungeons & Dragons campaign with little more than their wits, Princess Donut's charisma and Carl's increasingly effective punching, kicking and stomping skills. Now they're on Level 3 (of potentially 18 – but nobody has ever gotten past Level 13). They get to choose a species and class. Donut chooses cat and former child star; Carl's choices are more surprising. I'll let you find out about his species, but I'll hint that his class involves rapidly developing bomb-making skills. By the end, you'll know why this book has the title it does. It's gonna be a big deal later on, without a doubt.

So, Level 3. It's one of the levels divisible by three, don't ya know. As such, it's an installment in a scripted fantasy known as the Overcity, which prominently features a lot of elves and skyfolk (winged creatures who lord it over everybody else). It's also a place where quests happen to you, whether you want them or not. Carl and Donut get caught up in one almost immediately – a story about a circus that became a hellscape when the Overcity fell into shadow. How they get out of that isn't what's important right now; though the outcome gives them some leverage in the entertainment universe. It's their next quest that really blows up, figuratively and literally. We're talking a Kobayashi Maru scenario for a couple of crawlers. It's almost as if the evil corporation behind the game is afraid of their success and wants to kill them off before they get too big. But a whole bunch of other crawlers get swept up in it, and before it's over, cosmic alliances may be broken, shots are fired (not only within the dungeon) and an entire civilization teeters on the brink of economic collapse. Good times.

Carl is still that "I won't let them break me" guy we all know and love – especially the foot-fetishist AI controlling the game, as evidenced by the fact that he never makes any progress toward getting shoes or pants. Donut is still the wisecracking puddy-tat who can swing in a heartbeat between cuddling and killing, purring and hissing. She also shoots rockets out of her eyes, and commands the loyalty of a rapidly growing velociraptor. Their party grows by yet another member in this book, but this gift from a fellow member of the dungeon crawl's Top 10 leaderboard could have a dagger hidden in it, if you know what I mean. It's a stage in their adventure where they gear up for levels yet to come, learn a lot and, intentionally or otherwise, make more powerful enemies than ever before. And there's still lots of levels for them to get through if they want to survive. It's nonstop scary, thrilling, laugh-out-loud fun.

It looks like there are going to be at least 10 books in this series, though only eight have been released so far. A master of LitRPG, Dinniman is also the author of such "apocalyptic fun" as Kaiju, The Grinding and Operation Bounce House.

What's in Te Laudamus?—Part 2

I resume my survey of what's in the new Protes'tant Conference hymnal at hymn 217 of 322 (mostly ignoring the numbers, however). I hoped to get through the hymn department in this go, but human frailty prevented it. Let's see if I manage it next time. I'll immediately resume using abbreviations introduced in the previous installment, so be on your toes.

Easter hymns, 216-227, are prefaced by a painting of Jesus' resurrection and another Dietrich collect.

• "Christ the Lord is risen again" is by Michael Weisse, translated by Winkworth and set to a chorale that TL identifies as CHRIST IST ERSTANDEN ("Christ is arisen"), though it borrows some characteristics from the closely related chorale that TLH identifies as CHRISTUS IST ERSTANDEN. Kind of a mash-up of the two, really, including an Alleluia refrain.
• "Christ Jesus lay in death's strong bands" is Luther's Easter hymn, translation Massie, set to Luther's chorale adaptation of a plainsong titled CHRIST LAG IN TODESBANDEN. I'm going to stop mentioning the times a collect is added at the end of a hymn to fill unused page space, as after this hymn.
• "The day hath dawned" by Nikolaus Herman, translation by Russell and others (including Carver), is set to Herman's own tune, ERSCHIENEN IST in its third appearance so far in the book.
• "Awake, my heart, with gladness" by Gerhardt, translation Kelly, comes with Crüger's scrumptious tune AUF, AUF MEIN HERZ, proper to this hymn.
• "Today in triumph Christ arose" by Kaspar Stolshagen, set to its prper chorale, HEUT TRIUMPHIERET and followed by a resurrection woodcut.
• "Like the golden sun ascending" by Thomas Kingo, translated from Danish by George A.T. Rygh, is set to the rhythmic version of Johann Schop's WERDE MUNTER ("Speak, O Lord, Thy servant heareth").
• John of Damascus' "The day of resurrection," translation Neale, comes to us attached to Walter's HERZLICH TUT MICH ERFREUEN (not VERLANGEN), previously seen in the Advent section. The woodcut after it depicts Jesus in the garden admonishing Mary Magdalene, "Touch Me not."
• "Welcome, happy morning" by Fortunatus, translated by John Ellerton, is set to the chorale SEI DU MIR GEGRÜSSET, as in TLH. Some may know this hymn in an alternate translation, set to Ralph Vaughan Williams' tune SALVA FESTA DIES ("Hail thee, festival day"). Well, funny I should mention it, because ...
• "Welcome, festal morning!" is Carver's translation of the same hymn, starting with two refrains (A and B) at the bottom of the second page of "Welcome, happy morning" and continuing for another two pages with stanzas, starting with "Lo, the gracious beauty," set to the plainsong SALVA FESTA DIES. I think I have to ding TL for hiding the refrains on the previous page, out of line-of-sight from the rest of the hymn. I don't think it bodes well for its practical use as the editors intended.
• "Jesus Christ, who came to save" by Luther, translation composite, is actually a hymn I've translated myself! (Shameless self-plug) And it's set to the tune JESUS CHRISTUS, UNSER HEILAND, DER DEN TOD (not to be confused with the similarly named tune to Jan Hus' communion hymn).
• "Triumphantly, His garments gored" is by Benjamin (not Michael) Praetorius and set to the magnificent tune, O HEILAND, REISS DIE HIMMEL AUF ("O Savior, rend the heavens wide"). It features a footnote explaining the word "tows."

Ascension hymns, 228-230, begin with ...

• "Be glad, God's children round about" by Erasmus Alber, set to the author's own tune, NUN FREUT EUCH, GOTTES KINDER ALL—not to be confused with NUN FREUT EUCH (lieben Christen gmein). Only after this are the remaining hymns in the section prefaced by a color painting of Christ's ascension and another Dietrich collect.
• "We thank Thee, Jesus, dearest friend" by Selnecker, translation Loy, is set again to ERSCHIENEN IST.
• "Oh, sing with exultation" by Anders Arrebo, in Døving's translation, and set to the chorale AUS MEINES HERZENS GRUNDE ("My inmost heart now raises," etc.). An ascension woodcut follows.

Pentecost hymns, 231-235, start with ...

• "Come, Holy Spirit," a single-stanza antiphon set to the plainsong VENI SANCTE SPIRITUS, and only then comes the color painting and Dietrich collect.
• "Come, Holy Ghost, God and Lord," from one medieval Latin stanza and two added by Luther, is set to its own chorale KOMM, HEILIGER GEIST, HERRE GOTT.
• "Creator Spirit, heavenly dove" is one of those odd-even stanzas celebrations, with the chorale KOMM, GOTT SCHÖPFER on the left and the plainsong VENI CREATOR SPIRITUS on the right. Text from Latin by way of Luther by way of Massie. And when the tune credit says Sarum, I believe that's professional antiquarian-speak for Salisbury, England. As in, Stonehenge. But not that old.
• "Oh, enter, Lord, Thy temple" by Gerhardt, translation Winkworth, is set to Crüger's lovely tune ZEUCH EIN, and I'm delighted to see it. It was an important enough hymn, in the era of TLH, that Jan Bender included it in a book of Hymn of the Day arrangements keyed to that book; yet it's been missing from Missouri Synod hymnals ever since. Its 13 stanzas spill across four pages, however. It does cost a bit in real estate, though TL's editors made the choice of repeating the melody on the third and fourth pages.
• "Now do we pray to God, the Holy Ghost," with an anonymous German stanza expanded into four by Luther, is set to its own chorale, NUN BITTEN WIR. Essential Lutheran Pentecost material.

Trinity hymns, 236-240, return to the pattern of starting with a color painting (an altarpiece by Dürer) and a Dietrich collect.

• "I believe in one God" is a through-composed, four-page-long plainsong setting of the Nicene Creed, harmonized by Healey Willan (more from him is to come—no surprise if you've had the pleasure of hearing Reuning play Willan's setting of the Divine Service on a Sunday morning). LW had this melody as well; my vicarage congregation may have been one of the few ever to use it in worship. I love this setting, but teaching it to a congregation is a project and a half.
• "We all believe in one true God" is Luther's paraphrase of the Nicene Creed, set to the chorale WIR GLAUBEN ALL (harmony by Praetorius—and I always mean Michael unless otherwise specified). There's another footnote about optional accidentals and a long Amen, different from the one I learned for this tune.
• "God the Father, be our Stay" is again a medieval hymn filtered through Luther, by way of Massie, and set to the chorale GOTT DER VATER, WOHN UNS BEI. I applaud TL for reverting to the three-stanza version instead of the pathetic "Triune God, oh, be our Stay" option that replaced it in LW or, perhaps worse, the confusing choice between the one- and three-stanza versions offered in LSB, which forces those of us who care to instruct the congregation to skip the apparent first stanza and sing just the italicized stanzas 1, 2 and 3. Yeesh. Thanks, TL, for walking that abomination back.
• "The mystery hidden from the mind" by Gerhardt is set to the chorale ES WOLLE GOTT ("May God bestow on us His grace"). I'm a little miffed that the book passed on the opportunity to set it to EIN NEUES LIED, as in Evangelical Lutheran Hymnary (ELH); see a couple hymns ahead. The stanzas overflow onto a third page, complete with melody.
• "Isaiah, mighty Seer" is Luther's interpolation and paraphrase of the Sanctus, all in one long stanza that goes on for three pages. Again, a chore to teach to a congregation but worth it once accomplished!

Reformation hymns, 241-252, begin with a painting of Luther at the Diet of Worms divided across two pages, followed by a collect not specifically by Veit Dietrich, for once.

• "A mighty Fortress is our God," Luther's paraphrase of Psalm 46, is set to its own chorale, EIN FESTE BURG, rhythmic.
• "A new song I now fain would tell" is Luther's very first hymn, commemorating the faithfulness of the Reformation's first two martyrs, and set to Luther's own tune, EIN NEUES LIED (see? I said you'd see it in a bit). It goes on to 12 stanzas across four pages, with melody repeated on the second spread, followed by a page-and-a-half-long historical note related to the song that doesn't mention one thing I've learned about this hymn—it may be the tune that introduced the major key as we know it, turning a corner from medieval to modern music.
• "Lord, keep us steadfast" by Luther with stanzas added by Justus Jonas, translation Winkworth, is set to its proper chorale, ERHALT UNS, HERR.
• "O Lord, look down from heaven, behold" is Luther's paraphrase of Psalm 12, set to its own chorale, ACH GOTT VOM HIMMEL, a confident lamentation.
• "Dear Christians, one and all, rejoice" by Luther, translation Massie, is a confession of Law-Gospel belief, largely in quotation marks attributed to God the Father and the Son, and set to its proper chorale, Luther's own NUN FREUT EUCH.
• "If God had not been on our side," also by Luther and translated by Massie, is set to its own chorale, WÄR GOTT NICHT MIT UNS and followed by a woodcut of Luther.
• "O God, our Lord, Thy holy Word," source unknown, is translated partly by W. Gustave Polack and partly by Carver and set to its prper chorale, O HERRE GOTT. Its eight stanzas overflow (with melody) onto a third page.
• "In these our days so perilous," adapted by Luther from early-church Latin and translated by Massie, is a one-stanza prayer for peace elsewhere given as "Grant peace we pray in mercy, Lord," and set to its own chorale, VERLEIH UNS FRIEDEN.
• "Salvation unto us has come" by Paul Speratus, set to its own chorale ES IST DAS HEIL, is such a monumental hymn (weighing in at 14 stanzas) that its closing doxology is actually two stanzas long.
• "The mouth of fools doth God confess," Luther's paraphrase of Psalm 14, translation Massie, is set to its own chorale, ES SPRICHT DER UNWEISEN MUND. It's another rarity that I am overjoyed to see; in fact, I once translated it myself, unaware at the time of Massie's version.
• "Dear to me is the holy Maid" by Luther, translation Massie, is subsectioned "Church" in case you're wondering who this woman is. It's set to its own chorale, SIE IST MIR LIEB, and again, it's a bit of a rarity these days.
• "In peace and joy I now depart" is Luther's paraphrase of the Nunc dimittis, set to his own (attributed) tune MIT FRIED UND FREUD. Like pretty much this whole section, it's a worthy challenge to teach this hymn to a congregation if they're open to learning something truly beautiful.

End Times hymns, 252-264 (including the hymn just mentioned, which seems to be sectioned as both Reformation and End Times), proceeds with a color painting by Rubens of the baby Jesus' presentation to Simeon, and of course a Dietrich collect.

• "A pilgrim and a stranger" by Gerhardt is set to Crüger's beautiful tune WIE SOLL ICH DICH EMPFANGEN ("O Lord, how shall I meet Thee"), which has sadly been pushed out of its proper place by that old workhorse, VALET WILL ICH DIR GEBEN. Gerhardt's 14 stanzas, with repeated melody, spread across four pages.
• "Be glad, my heart, and fear no more" by Gerhardt, translation Kelly, is set to the chorale ES IST GEWISSLICH ("The day is surely drawing near").
• "Farewell I gladly bid thee" by Valentin Herberger, translation Winkworth, is the tune from which VALET WILL ICH takes its name, and of course is set to it.
• "I walk in danger all the way" by Hans Adolph Brorson is set to the warm, tender tune DIE LIEBEN SONNE, as in TLH, LW, ELH and several other hymnals.
• "In the midst of earthly life" is Luther's araphrase of a medieval Latin antiphon with additional stanzas of his own, set to his own choralification of the original plainsong, MITTEN WIR IM LEBEN SIND.
• "Lord Jesus Christ, my Life, my Light" by Martin Behm, translation Winkworth, goes with O JESU CHRISTE, WAHRES LICHT.
• "Lord Jesus Christ, true Man and God" by Paul Eber, translation Winkworth, goes with HERR JESU CHRIST, WAHR MENSCH UND GOTT. Gorgeous!
• "Lord, Thee I love with all my heart" by Martin Schalling, translation winkworth, is set to its own chorale, HERZLICH LIEB. I can't think of this hymn without remembering a party (at Reuning's house, wouldn't you know) where I sat down to play it at the piano and soon had a roomful of pastors and seminarians gathered around, singing it throatily and with deep emotion—a memory that will move me as long as I live.
• "The day is surely drawing near" by Bartholomäus Ringwaldt, is set to its own chorale, ES IST GEWISSLICH.
• Subsectioned as Missions, "Thou, who didst bring the Gospel" by Albert Knap is set to the rousing tune IST GOTT FÜR MICH ("If God Himself be for me").
• "Wake, awake, for night is flying," the King of Chorales, is by Nicolai, translation Winkworth, and set to Nicolai's own chorale, WACHET AUF—musically quoted in Handel's famous Hallelujah chorus.
• "Day of wrath, O day of morning," attributed to Thomas de Celano and part of the Roman Catholic Mass for the Dead, is a long sequence hymn whose 19 stanzas fill most of three pages, set to four harmonic settings by Reuning and followed by Luther's explanation of the Seventh Petition ("But deliver us from evil").

Faith-Life hymns, 265-294, include such subtopics as God's Word (265-267), ministry (268), baptism (269), communion (270-272), repentance/absolution (273), catechism (10 Commandments and Lord's Prayer, 274-276; Creed, 237; baptism, 184; communion, 207; confession, 190), the Christian home (277-278), Psalm paraphrases (279-280, with others scattered throughout the book listed by Psalm in the TOC), endurance/hope/trust (281-290), restoration/saints (291-293) and call to service (294). The prefatory painting shows Luther playing his lute and singing with his family, followed by another Dietrich collect.

• "Thy strong Word" by Martin Franzmann is set to Thomas Williams' EBENEZER.
• "You spoke Your Word of truth" by Franzmann goes with Gibbons' SONG 24, followed by a woodcut showing Christ sitting in judgment.
• "Thy Word has been our daily bread" by Franzman is set to Richard Farrant's tune FARRANT (cf. TLH's setting of "Lord, lead the way the Savior went").
• "Preach you the Word" by Franzmann continues the hit parade, set to O HEILAND, REISS DIE HIMMEL AUF.
• "Ye baptized people, one and all" by Gerhardt, with multiple translators including Jon Vieker and Carver, is set to ES IST DAS HEIL.
• "Lord Jesus Christ, in hidden ways" by Franzmann is set to Daniel Read's tune WINDHAM ("We sing the praise of Him who died" in LBW, LW and LSB, etc.)
• "O kingly Love, that faithfully" by Franzmann is a long-stanzaed hymn (three pages, just to get through it once; and there are four stanzas!) set to Richard Hillert's, I'm sorry, unsingable tune KINGLY LOVE. Not for nothing did I sweat out an alternate tune of my own. But did anyone ask me? No. (Sniff.)
• "Lord, we will remember Thee" by Franzmann is set to J. Rudolph Ahle's LIEBSTER JESU.
• "Let not such a thought e'er pain thee" by Gerhardt, translation Kelly, is set to Crüger's ZION KLAGT ("Zion mourns in fear and anguish"), with brackets assisting with the rhythmic groupings across 12 stanzas and three pages.
• "Wilt thou, O man, live happily" is Luther's other hymn paraphrase of the 10 commandments, set to its own chorale, MENSCH, WILLST DU LEBEN SELIGLICH.
• When I say other, it's in distinction from "That man a godly life might live" (both translated by Massie), the longer but better known of the two hymns, set to the tune now known as IN GOTTES NAMEN FAHREN WIR.
• "Our Father, Thou in heaven above" is Luther's paraphrase of the Lord's Prayer, translation Winkworth, set to its own chorale, VATER UNSER, also attributed to Luther.
• "Happy the man who feareth God" is Luther's paraphrase of Psalm 128, translation Massie, set to WO GOTT ZUM HAUS ("?O blest the house, whate'er befall").
• "Our Lord has laid His benison" by Franzmann is set to Samuel Howard's ISLEWORTH ("O God of mercy, God of might," etc.) and includes a footnote explaining the word "benison."
• "Blessed is the man that never" is Gerhardt's paraphrase of Psalm 1, translation Døving, set to WERDE MUNTER (rhythmic).
• "The Lord who rules creation" by Gerhardt, translation Kelly, is a Psalm 23 paraphrase set to the chorale NUN LASST UNS GEHN, of which I have nothing intelligent to say. Its 12 stanzas overflow onto a second page, including melody.
• "Commit whatever grieves thee" by Gerhardt is set to HERZLICH ... VERLANGEN.
• "If God Himself be for me," Gerhardt by way of Massie with an assist from Kelly, is set to its own tune, IST GOTT FÜR MICH, and most uncharacteristically, stanzas 10-15 flow onto a third page without melody.
• "Weary of all trumpeting" by Franzmann is set to Hugo Distler's tune DISTLER, which sounds made for the purpose. A striking, modern tune, rather unusual for this book.
• "If thou but suffer God to guide thee" by Georg Neumark, translation Winkworth, is set to Neumark's own tune WER NUR DEN LIEBEN GOTT.
• "What is the world to me" by Georg Michael Pfefferkorn, translation Crull, set to Ahasuerus Fritsch's (isn't that a great name?) tune WAS FRAG ICH NACH DER WELT.
• "From God shall naught divide me" by Ludwig Helmbold, translation Winkworth, goes with the chorale VON GOTT WILL ICH NICHT LASSEN, here arranged by Distler.
• "What God ordains is always good" by Samuel Rodigast goes with Severus Gastorius' (not Snape) tune WAS GOTT TUT.
• "In God, my faithful God", translated by Winkworth, goes with the chorale AUF MEINEN LIEBEN GOTT and is another one of my favoritest hymns ever. A woodcut follows it, depicting Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac.
• "Why should cross and trial grive me" by Gerhardt, translation Kelly, is a precious hymn, all the more lovely for J. Georg Ebeling's tune, WARUM SOLLT ICH MICH. It's followed by another footnote defining the word "cavil" and a woodcut showing the suffering of Job.
• "What they would gain men hope to win" is actually by a living writer, Robert Christman, and is set to the Christoph Demantius tune ACH LIEBEN CHRISTEN, SEID GETROST. A Dürer woodcut of Christ before Caiaphas follows it.
• "In Thee, O Lord, I've put my trust" by Adam Reusner, translation Winkworth, is set to its own chorale, IN DICH HAB ICH GEHOFFET, with a second strain of melody squeezed onto the second page for stanzas 6-7.
• "O God, O Lord of heaven and earth" by Franzmann is set to Jan Bender's WITTENBERG NEW, a modern hymn-tune that I've taught to a church choir but that I still like to call the hardest good hymn in the hymnal (starting with LW and continuing with LSB).
• "Rise again, ye lion-hearted" is co-translated by Franzmann and Carver and set to Bernhard Klein's LÖWEN, LASST EUCH WIEDER FINDEN. A footnote acknowledges one word altered from Franzmann's original text.
• "O Thou, who on the accursed ground" by Franzmann is set to Melchior Vulpius' tune HINUNTER IST DER SONNEN SCHEIN ("The sun is set, its light is gone"), a challenging but thrilling little tune.

And there I leave you for today, with the Praise and Thanksgiving, Morning and Evening hymns still to come.

What's in Te Laudamus?—Part 1

Yesterday my two copies of Te Laudamus arrived. It's the new hymnal of the small, conservative Lutheran entity known as the Protes'tant Conference, with stress on the second syllable (I'm serious; and they actually spell it with that apostrophe). I think the Protes'tant Conference is an off-shoot of the Wisconsin Ev. Lutheran Synod. It's based in Valders, Wisconsin. Here's its Wikipedia page if you want to know more. The web address, both as listed in the book and linked to the wiki, currently leads to a "page not found" message. For what it's worth. The book is beautifully made, with a Latin title meaning "We praise Thee" referencing the ancient creedal hymn Te Deum laudamus, embossed in gold between the wings of the Cherubim on a cloth-bound hardback in a vibrant shade of red. And its contributors include a bunch of people I more or less know and deeply respect, including Rev. Dr. Daniel Reuning (whom I had as a seminary prof), Rev. Michael Frese (who was a fellow student of mine at the same sem), Matthew Carver (a collaborator on other hymn-related projects), Rev. Jesse Krusemark, Rev. Dr. Michael Albrecht and others. Congratulations and kudos to them for launching such a fine book. You can buy it here, if you're interested.

Following some prefaces, including a dedicatory poem by Martin Luther translated by Robin Leaver, and a lovely color illustration of a stained glass window depicting King David, the book proceeds directly to the Psalter with all 150 Psalms pointed for singing to the nine Gregorian tones. There's a whole page of instructions that I think will be important to read and discuss in preparation for using these tones. I'm already impressed with the eds.' commitment, measured in sheer real estate, to making the church's foundational hymn-book fully available for use in public worship and private devotions, with stress on its intended purpose—to be sung.

The pages of the Psalter aren't numbered. Then another illustration depicting Luther's seal and the initials VDMA (Verbum Domini manet in aeternum, "The Word of the Lord endures forever"), with a brief explanation beneath it, introduces the next major division of the book: hymns. This kicks off with a table of contents to aid users in locating hymns by season of the church year or topic. They're numbered from 151 (i.e., continuing from the numbering of the Psalter) through 322. So, it's not a huge collection of hymns. What you will notice, and I think closer attention to those prefaces will support this, is an apparently deliberate decision by the editors to restrict their selection almost entirely to hymns from either pre-Reformation or specifically Lutheran hymn writers, with a lot of space devoted to Luther himself, Paul Gerhardt and (in later sections) Martin Franzmann.

The Advent section, 151-158, opens with a picture by Giotto of Christ's entry into Jerusalem and a prayer by Veit Dietrich, a protégé of Luther. The hymns (and, pardon me, I'm going to list all of them) are:

• "Savior of the Nations, come" by Ambrose, by way of Luther's German, mostly translated by Richard Massie and set to the 16th century German chorale customarily paired with it, NUN KOMM DER HEIDEN HEILAND.
• Come, Thou Redeemer of the Earth," which seems to be John Mason Neale's translation of the same hymn directly from Ambrose's Latin, set to the related plainsong VENI REDEMPTOR GENTIUM.
• "The new church year again is come" by J.G. Olearius, set to Nikolaus Herman's tune ERSCHIENEN IST ("We sing, Immanuel, Thy praise", etc.)
• "Jesus, Thy Church with longing eyes" by William H. Bathurst—a 19th-century Anglican minister, and so already an exception to the rule of appropriating hymns strictly from the Lutheran tradition—set to the chorale O JESU CHRISTE, WAHRES LICHT ("O Christ, our true and only Light").
• "O Lord, how shall I meet Thee" by Gerhardt, set to Melchior Teschner's tune VALET WILL ICH DIR GEBEN ("All glory, laud and honor"). An end-note explains that the tune was chosen to coincide with "All glory, laud" because of the link between the Advent I gospel reading and Palm Sunday, when the latter hymn is sung. The page ends with a collect for pardon. (A collect is a formally written prayer, if you don't know.)
• "The Bridegroom soon will call us" by Johann Walter, translated by Matthias Loy, and set to the chorale HERZLICH TUT MICH ERFREUEN – with Reuning's setting exhibiting the use of square brackets to draw singers' attention to rhythmic groupings in this somewhat tricky tune. The page ends with a collect for grace to use our gifts.
• "O come, O come, Emmanuel," in Neale's translation from the Latin, numbered as "157a" and set to the French chant tune VENI EMMANUEL. 157b is the Great "O" Antiphons of the Advent season, pointed for chanting to one of the Gregorian tones, with a collect for an answer to prayer at the end.
• "Hark, a thrilling voice is sounding," in Edward Caswall's translation from Latin, set to FREUEN WIR UNS ALL IN EIN which Lutheran Worship and Lutheran Book of Worship also paired with this hymn. The section ends with an Albrecht Dürer woodcut of the annunciation (i.e. the angel telling the Virgin Mary that she's going to give birth to our Savior).

Christmas hymns, 159-180, break down further between the birth of Jesus (159-171), Holy Innocents (172-174), the Circumcision and Name of Jesus (175-177), and the New Year (178-180). The section begins with another color painting, showing Jesus' nativity, plus another collect by Veit Dietrich. The hymns are:

• "From heaven high I come to earth" by Luther, one of my very favorite hymns, with the music repeated on both sides of a two-page spread (albeit in two different arrangements) and performance directions designating stanzas 1-5 for "angel," 6-14 for children and 15 (which, strangely, is at the bottom of the first page) for "all."
• "Come, your hearts and voices raising" by Gerhardt, set to its proper tune, QUEM PASTORES.
• "To shepherds as they watched by night" by Luther, in Massie's translation, set to the chorale ICH KOMM AUS FREMDEN LANDEN HER (so also in the Ev. Lutheran Hymnary).
• "Behold! behold! what wonder's here!" by Gerhardt, in John Kelly's translation, set to Orlando Gibbons' tune SONG 34 ("Forth in Thy name, O Lord, I go," etc.) A woodcut of the naming of John fills up the surplus space at the end of the second page.
• "In Bethlehem God's Son is born," from Latin, set to Michael Praetorius' tune PUER NOBIS ("On Jordan's bank the Baptist's cry"), which really should be tune to "To shepherds as they watched" while Praetorius' own tune, PUER NATUS IN BETHLEHEM, is identified with this hymn. Well, you can't nail them all.
• "O Jesus Christ, all praise to Thee" by Luther, set to Praetorius' tune GELOBET SEIST DU.
• "We Christians may rejoice today" by Caspar Füger, set to the chorale WIR CHRISTENLEUT, with those assisting brackets to point up the rhythmic groupings. A woodcut of Mary's visitation to Elizabeth fills the bottom of the second page.
• "Of the Father's love begotten," translated from Prudentius, set to the plainsong DIVINUM MYSTERIUM. A collect for grace to love and serve God fills up the bottom of the second page.
• "We sing, Immanuel, Thy praise" by Gerhardt, with (as mentioned) ERSCHIENEN IST. There's a woodcut of the birth of Jesus at the end.
• "O Jesus Christ, Thy manger is" by Gerhardt, set to Johann Crüger's achingly lovely tune O JESU CHRIST, DEIN KRIPPLEIN whose replacement by a freshly composed tune in Lutheran Service Book (LSB) has annoyed me for, lo, 20 years now. A woodcut at the end depicts the presentation of Jesus and purification of Mary.
• "Now praise we Christ, the Holy One" by Luther, divided into an "a" and a "b" on facing pages with stanzas 1-2, 4-5 and 7-8 on the left, set to the chorale CHRISTUM WIR SOLLEN LOBEN SCHON, and stanzas 3 and 6 at the right set to the closely related plainsong A SOLIS ORTUS CARDINE. An endnote suggests either dividing the hymn between the two settings in alternation between congregation, choir, cantor or children or having the congregation sing it to the chorale throughout. I'm going to spare myself a lot of tedious repetition by just calling this a "celebration," to borrow terminology from Lutheran Worship.
• "O Christ, the Father's only Son," translated from Latin by Neale. The music is another celebration, with odd-numbered stanzas set to PUER NOBIS on the left, "a" side of the spread and even-numbered ones to the plainsong CHRISTE REDEMPTOR OMNIUM on the right, "b" side.
• "On this day earth shall ring," in Jane Joseph's translation from Latin, set to its proper tune, PERSONET HODIE in one of Reuning's many settings in the book. It's much easier to play than the Gustav Holst setting I've previously encountered. A helpful footnote even explains the refrain, which remains in its original Latin.
• Following a painting of the massacre of Innocents and a historic collect, the Holy Innocents section starts with "This little babe so few days old" by Robert Southwell, an English Jesuit priest(!), set to Melchior Vulpius' tune DAS NEUGEBORNE KINDELEIN which some know as the tune to "Victim Divine, thy grace we claim" or maybe "Jesus, Thy boundless love to me." I think the tune suits this hymn to the ground. Perhaops you've heard this text set for boys' choir and harp in Benjamin Britten's A Ceremony of Carols, a spectacular piece.
• "O hail this brightest day of days," from an anonymous German author in 1524 Wittenberg, with Praetorius' setting of the chorale DER TAG DER IST SO FREUDENREICH, suggesting this is an alternative translation of the hymn I know as "Now hail the day so rich in cheer."
• "Sweet flowerets of the martyr band" by Prudentius, set to Daniel Vetter's tune DAS WALT GOTT VATER, also paired with it in The Lutheran Hymnal (TLH) and Lutheran Worship (LW).
• The Circumcision and Name of Jesus section begins with another color painting and a collect by Veit Dietrich. "O Jesus, for whose truth" is an 11-stanza hymn by Johann Heermann, in Carver's translation set to the chorale O GOTT, DU FROMMER GOTT (Meiningen) and followed by a collect for unwavering faith.
• "Why should they such torment give thee" by Gerhardt, translated by Kelly, is set to the rhythmic version of the Geneva tune FREU DICH SEHR ("Comfort, comfort ye my people"), with more of those helpful rhythmic brackets.
• "O blessed day when first was poured" is by Sebastien Besnault, a Cluniac monk (so, another exception to the rule posited above), translated by John Chandler and set to John B. Dykes' tune ST. CROSS ("'Twas on that dark, that doleful night," etc.).
• The New Year section begins, all unheralded, with "The new-born child this early morn" by Cyriakus Schneegass, translated by Emanuel Cronenwett and set to DAS NEUGEBORNE KINDELEIN.
• "Now let us come before Him" by Gerhardt, with stanzas translated by Carver supplementing Kelly's translation, set to Crüger's NUN LASST UNS GOTT, one of his less inspired tunes in my opinion, albeit quite rhythmic. The page at the bottom of the 14-stanza hymn ends with a collect for an answer to prayer.
• "The old year now hath passed away" by Johann Steuerlein is translated by Catherine Winkworth (not her first appearance in this book, though I forgot to mention her) and set to its own tune, Vulpius' DAS ALTE JAHR VERGANGEN IST.

Epiphany hymns, 181-189, are introduced by another color painting and a Dietrich collect.

• "How lovely shines the morning star," the Queen of Chorales, is by Philipp Nicolai, includng the tune WIE SCHÖN LEUCHTET.
• "The star proclaims the Kinig is here" by Sedulius, in Neale's translation, is set to its own plainsong tune, HOSTIS HERODES IMPIE. This would have to be introduced with care to get a congregation of average singing ability over the hump of, well, singing plainsong. There's enough space at the end of the hymn for two additional collects.
• "Why, Herod, unrelenting foe" by Luther, by way of Massie, is a paraphrase of Sedulius' hymn, here set to a chorale identified as VOM HIMMEL KAM DER ENGEL SCHAR, which strikes me as essentially the same tune as CHRISTUM WIR SOLLEN LOBEN SCHON.
• A woodcut introduces the Baptism of Christ section, along with an excerpt from Luther's Small Catechism. "To Jordan came our Lord, the Christ" by Luther, in Massie's translation, is set to its own chorale, CHRIST, UNSER HERR, with an explanatory note regarding an F-sharp in parentheses that can be sung as a natural if that's what you're used to.
• "O Jesus, King of Glory" by Martin Behm, translated by Winkworth, is set to VALET WILL ICH and followed by two more collects.
• "The will of God is always best," also followed by a collect, is by Albrecht von Preussen (elsewhere credited as von Brandenburg) and set to its own tune, WAS MEIN GOTT WILL by Claudin de Sermisy.
• "Seek where ye may to find a way" by Georg Weissel is set to the more rhythmically interesting of two versions of Johann Stobäus' tune SUCH, WER DA WILL that I know of. It's also followed by a space-filling collect.
• "Lord Christ, the Sole-Begotten" by Elizabeth Cruciger, in Carver's translation, is a hymn I know as "The only Son from heaven." It's set to its proper tune, the chorale HERR CHRIST, DER EINIG GOTTS SOHN, and followed by two collects.
• "May God bestow on us His grace" is Luther's missions hymn and paraphrase of Psalm 67, translated by Massie and set to its own chorale, ES WOLLE GOTT. The Epiphany section ends with an illustration representing the six chief parts of Luther's Small Catechism.

Lent hymns, 190-215, include Ash Wednesday (190-191), Christian warfare (192-193), confession/repentance (194-201), and Passiontide, further subdivided into Judica (Lent V) passion harmony paraphrases (202-203), Holy Week: Palmarum (Lent VI) (204), Maundy Thursday/communion (205-208), Good Friday (209-213), and Holy Saturday (214-215). The section starts with a color painting of the return of the prodigal son and another Dietrich collect.

• "From depths of woe I cry to Thee" is Luther's penitential paraphrase of Psalm 130, translated by Winkworth and set to Luther's own tune, AUS TIEFER NOT, with the famous interval of a descending fifth tone-painting the word "depths" and making alternate translations, such as "Out of the depths," offensively stupid. It is also followed by a space-filling collect.
• "By Adam's fall is all forlorn" by Lazarus Spengler is set to the Reformation-era chorale DURCH ADAMS FALL. Its nine stanzas sprawl onto a third page, with the melody repeated to spare users the inconvenience of having to flip back and forth to recall how it goes.
• The transition from Ash Wednesday to Christian warfare is marked by a woodcut of Adam and Eve and another excerpt from the catechism, Luther's explanation of the sixth petition, "Lead us not into temptation." "O Lord, our Father, shall we be confounded" by Heermann opens the section, in Winkworth's translation and set to the striking Rouen tune ISTE CONFESSOR (not to be confused with the Angers tune by the same name). Again, two collects follow.
• "Lord of our life and God of our salvation," another one of my most favoritest hymns, is by Matthäus Apelles von Löwenstern and is here set to the same tune as in TLH. What I particularly like about its appearance here is that unlike LSB, TL leaves all five stanzas intact and doesn't cut the heart out of the last two stanzas to cram them into one; which wasn't a space consideration at all, to judge by LSB's page layout. Just a bad decision, rectified here. Also, two more collects fill space at the end.
• "In Thee alone, O Christ, my Lord" by Konrad Hubert, his best-known work, with stanzas translated by Arthur Tozer Russell (whom I've also neglected to mention previously) and Winkworth. The tune is its own chorale, ALLEIN ZU DIR.
• "Lord, hear the voice of my complaint" by Paul Speratus, translated by Winkworth, is a very significant hymn in historic Lutheranism that has been left out of my synod's hymnals time after time, along with its beautiful chorale, ICH RUF ZU DIR.
• "Alas, my God! My sins are great" by Martin Rutilius, translation Winkworth, is set to its own chorale, ACH GOTT UND HERR.
• "Lord Jesus, we give thanks to Thee" by Christoph Fischer, a.k.a. Vischer, translated by August Crull, is set to Nikolaus Herman's impressive tune WIR DANKEN DIR.
• "How can I seek, O highest Light" by Gerhardt, translation Carver, is a new one to me. It's paired with the chorale KOMMT HER ZU MIR ("O little flock, fear not the foe"). A bonus collect follows.
• "When o'er my sins I sorrow" by Justus Gesenius, translation (mostly) Winkworth, is set to the chorale WENN MEINE SÜND by Praetorius. Luther's prayer before receiving the Sacrament fills the bottom of the second page, while the last four stanzas overflow onto a third page with the tune only and, of course, rhythmic-grouping brackets. A helpful footnote explains the word "guerdon."
• Hymn 200 is "Turn, Lord, Thine anger," translated from Latin by Carl Døving and set to a Crüger tune here called HERR, DEINEN ZORN, which I know as LOBET DEN HERREN, ALLE, about which see here.
• "O faithful God, thanks be to Thee" is by Nikolaus Selnecker, one of the formularies of Concord, and is set to Louis Bourgeois' tune WENN WIR IN HÖCHSTEN NÖTEN ("When in the hour of utmost need," etc.).
• Passiontide begins with a woodcut of the crucifixion and another Dietrich collect, then "O mortal, mourn thy grievous sin" by Sebald Heyden, translation Carver, which I have heretofore known as "O sinner, come thy sin to mourn," another historically important Lutheran hymn that never makes it into Missouri Synod hymnals. It's set to a Praetorius arrangement of its own tune by Matthias Greitter called O MENSCH, BEWEIN, though this book puts that title second after ES SIND DOCH SELIG ALLE, DIE. Its six long stanzas sprawl onto four pages, three stanzas to each two-page spread. But this is only a cento (abridged version) of the full, 23-stanza metrical harmony of the Passions which starts over in the next hymn and continues (divided into parts) for eight more pages, set to a J.S. Bach arrangement of the tune.
• "The royal banners forward go" by Fortunatus, translation Neale, is a two-page celebration with Johannes Eccard's tune HERR JESU CHRIST, WAHR MENSCH UND GOTT on the left and the plainsong VEXILLA REGIS on the right. You know what I mean, right?
• "Jesus Christ, our blessed Savior," Jan Hus' Maundy Thursday/communion hymn by way of Luther and Massie, gets a two-chorale celebration as in LW, with both melodies titled JESUS CHRISTUS, UNSER HEILAND – the Wittenberg one on the left, the Erfurt one on the right. I've missed this celebration since LSB plumped for the Wittenberg tune, full stop.
• "Soul, adorn thyself with gladness" by Johann Franck, translation Winkworth, is set to its own chorale, Crüger's SCHMÜCKE DICH.
• "O Lord, we praise Thee" is Luther's communion hymn, or rather stanzas 2-3 are his, added onto an existing one-stanza hymn and set to its own chorale, GOTT SEI GELOBET. A footnote explains the option of singing either "Kyrie eleison" or "O Lord have mercy." Another prayer by Luther for before receiving the Sacrament follows.
• "Lord Jesus, my heart's Pleasure" by Gerhardt, translation Carver, is set to the long chorale NUN LOB, MEIN SEEL, causing stanzas 5-8 to spill onto a third page (unusually, without melody). Luther's prayer after receiving the sacrament follows, and another like it decorates the next page under a woodcut of the Last Supper.
• Good Friday hymns begin with "O sacred Head, now wounded" by Bernard of Clairvaux, by way of Gerhardt, set to Hans Leo Hassler's tune HERZLICH TUT MICH VERLANGEN (not to be confused with ditto-ditto-ditto ERFREUEN, above).
• "Upon the cross extended" is a huge hymn by Gerhardt, 16 stanzas translated by Kelly and set to Heinrich Friese's tune O WELT, SIEH HIER, proper to this hymn.
• "Our blessed Savior seven times spoke" by Johannes Böschenstain, translated by Frances Cox, is set to its own chorale, DA JESUS AN DES KREUZES, which TL helpfully repeats (melody only) on the second side of the two-page spread.
• "Faithful cross above all other," the explanation on the page goes, is the refrain (set to chant notation) to the Good Friday Reproaches and may be sung with the next hymn.
• "Sing, my tongue, the glorious battle" by Fortunatus, translation Neale, is a four-page celebration whose 10 stanzas may be sung to either or both of Carl Schalk's tune FORTUNATUS NEW or the Latin plainsong PANGE LINGUA.
• Holy Saturday arrives unannounced with "So rest, my Rest" by Salomo Franck, translation Massie, set to the chorale O TRAURIGKEIT ("O darkest woe").
• "Lord Jesus, who, our souls to save" by Georg Werner, translation Winkworth, is set to the chorale ERHALT UNS, HERR ("Lord, keep us steadfast").
• "The Lamb's high banquest we await," translated from Latin by Neale, is set to the "Agincourt Hymn" DEO GRACIAS ("O wondrous type"), sectioned "Easter Eve." As in, Easter vigil.

Time does not permit me to continue this exhaustive survey today, so we'll resume with the Easter hymns and all that follows in Part 2. But in case you feel unsatisfied without any critique or judgment about this book so far, let me drop a hint. When I announced on Facebook that I'd received this book, a friend (who also got their copy yesterday) asked, "Any suggestions for using it?" And my smart-aleck answer was: "Plant a whole new congregation around it. If you can find people who value, or at least are willing to put up with, actual Lutheran hymnody and worship practices."

Dungeon Crawler Carl

Dungeon Crawler Carl
by Matt Dinniman
Recommended Ages: 15+

Crap. Now I have to read this whole series.

I'm late to the game, but I've been aware of it happening on the periphery of whatever dull business I've been focused on since 2020. But I finally got this book before my recent vacation and read it during the scattered moments I could steal from driving, first from north-central Minnesota to south-central Missouri and back, then to the Twin Cities and the greater Great Falls, Montana area and back. And, you know, spending time with friends and family, visiting three state capitols, playing the organ at my former home church's 75th anniversary service, etc. It wasn't much time, to tell the truth. I might not have even started reading it, despite packing it in my luggage, were it not for a silly incident in which the bedframe in my Missouri guest room collapsed under me and I was too agitated afterward to go back to sleep. After that, the book filled the time available for reading about perfectly, and I left it behind in Montana for my dad to read after me. I think he'll like it. I sure did.

To pick up what this book is throwing down, you need to be at least a little aware of fantasy role-play games and first-person shooter video games. Now suppose when They Land, the aliens instantly flatten every manmade structure, killing most of the human race, then invite the survivors to "volunteer" for a reality-TV rpg/fps where they have to survive multiple levels of a worldwide dungeon, fighting monsters, collecting loot and experience points, and either dying in a way that amuses the trillions of viewers across the galaxy or surviving long enough to make it into deeper and more dangerous levels. If they survive all 18 levels, they'll win a prize worth, like, the planet. But don't get your hopes up; nobody has ever made it past, say, the 13th level.

Our hero is a Coast Guard veteran named Carl who has just broken up, by phone, with his cheating girlfriend Bea and is thinking about suing for custody of her precious show cat, Princess Donut, even if it means selling all his earthly possessions to do so. He won't have to worry about any of that for long, however. In the middle of a freezing Seattle night, he follows Donut outside when she uncharacteristically escapes from their apartment, just before WHAM!—their building, and everything else in sight, is flattened to the ground. Wearing only boxers, a leather jacket and Bea's crocs (which soon fall off), he has no choice but to enter the tantalizing warmth of the dungeon. Soon Carl and Donut are a dungeon crawling party – and she turns out to have more intelligence, strength and charisma points than he does. Together they face menacing creatures, fight boss battles, survive killer humans and begin learning the secrets to survival in a game that is at least partly about cultivating an enthusiastic social media audience.

This installment takes the pair through the first three levels of the world dungeon, and they (and we) learn a lot. They make some horrific enemies. They also form some touching friendships. They experience heartbreaking tragedy. And of course their adventure is an all-but-continuous flow of rockin' action and wise-cracking attitude. My favorite bit is the hilarious, foot-fetishist fancy the game's AI takes toward Carl, leaving him little presents with power-up "buffs" to encourage him to remain barefoot. Another favorite is when Carl and Donut get partly tricked, partly dragooned into going on an abusive panel show and Carl decides to piss the host off for all he's worth. The book also comes with a companion short story, which also seems to be the first in an ongoing series, tracking the fate of a clan of goblins Carl and Donut hoodwink along the way.

It's part dystopian commentary on what social media is doing to society, part "You're not going to break me" manifesto against the inner demons and societal madness that many of us felt surrounded by during the COVID-19 pandemic (and, significantly, this book debuted in 2020). You know, that "you don't really know what's going on, and you don't dare say what you do know because there are powers that can and will silence you" stuff that we're still feeling the effects of. It's frequently hilarious, often disturbing, totally thrilling and chilling, with some lovable characters and some creeps you'll dread meeting again. And meet them, no doubt, you will.

Matt Dinniman is the author of the litrpg duology Dominion of Blades and The Hobgoblin Riot, the "Shivered Sky" trilogy of Every Grain of Sand, In the City of Demons and The Great Devouring Darkness, and the currently eight-book "Dungeon Crawler Carl" series starting with this book. Other titles in the series are Carl's Doomsday Scenario, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook, The Gate of the Feral Gods, The Butcher's Masquerade, The Eye of the Bedlam Bride, This Inevitable Ruin and A Parade of Horribles.

Mistletoe in Texas

Mistletoe in Texas
by Kari Lynn Dell
Recommended Ages: 15+

I picked up this unusually thick romance novel a while ago, for what reason I can't recall now. Maybe it was the fact, which I picked up somewhere, that the author was a genuine athletic trainer like the book's lead female character, and that she was just as genuinely involved in the rodeo scene amidst which the novel is set. Or maybe it's because she was from Montana, where my parents recently moved and where I have yet to visit. It appealed to me for some reason, so I picked it up and, in fits and starts over a couple of months, I actually read it. And despite the fact that it totally demands an Adult Content Advisory, I'm not mad at it or anything. My attention has just been scattered and I'm not blaming the book for that.

In the book, Hank and Grace grew up together in a small town in the Texas panhandle. She was his best friend whose brains helped him make it through school. He was a handsome jock, an up and coming rodeo bullfighter, and her hopeless crush ... until he rebounded into her arms after another girl broke his heart. She had just found out she was pregnant with his baby and was about to tell him the news when she caught him on a really bad day, and he embarrassed her in public with a romantic brush-off that left her devastated. But he went on to have his own rodeo-career-ending psychiatric meltdown, and disappeared from the neighborhood for a while. Grace kept her pregnancy quiet (particularly from her strictly religious family), gave the baby up for adoption and came back to Texas to work as a high school athletic trainer and moonlight as a team roper with the same rodeo family that had given Hank his first step. And now Hank has returned after a period of healing in Montana, with his sights set on rebuilding the bridges he burned with family, community and especially Grace.

Which is all prologue to a story about a guy who hurt a girl in the deepest possible way proving to her that he has really loved her all along and is worthy of being loved back. Meanwhile he also picks up the pieces of his broken relationship with his father while also repairing the run-down ranch and dreaming of a fresh start in a business they both love – one focusing not on cows but on horses. There's a lot of drama about reconciliation and self-therapy and, of course, a steamy romance. Its horsey, rodeo bits have a great authenticity to them, if I'm any judge (but I've only covered a few rodeos as a local newspaper reporter). It's not badly written. Overall, I'd say it's OK. My only quibble would be, as I said, that it's longer than you'd expect of a Harlequin-type romance and you can, I've found, spend months reading it without ever getting that "I just can't put it down" feeling.

Kari Lynn Dell died in 2020. She was the author of six "Texas Rodeo" novels, of which this seems to be the fifth; the first was Reckless in Texas, and the sixth was Relentless in Texas. She also wrote Last Chance Rodeo, a.k.a. The Long Ride Home, which was apparently supposed to be part of the "Blackfeet Nation" series but ended up being the only installment. Given her deft delivery of convincing rodeo details, her early death is a loss that I feel.